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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how people afford a 2nd child?

191 replies

ScruffleCake · 04/04/2018 12:48

We have just found out we are going to have our 2nd baby but now going through finances I am wondering if we can even afford to keep the baby Sad How do people afford to have another one? I thought we were both decent earners, my DP earns £24,500 and I earn £28,000. I know we live in the south-east where living costs are higher but I still see plenty of 2 children families around.

Our breakdown of our incoming & outgoings are below. The Bike loan will be up in 2 years (DP uses it to get to/from work) and the childcare is based on both babies going into care 3 days a week (assuming our parents will be okay looking after 2 babies on the other 2 days!).

Net income including both wages & child maintance: £3400
Outgoings breakdown:
Mortgage - £1,150
House Insurance - £20
Bike loan - £156
Internet - £39
TV Licence - £13
Bike insurance - £158
Energy (electric & gas) - £95
Water - £40
Mobile phones - £80
Food Shop - £350
Childcare - £1500
Fuel - £200
Total £3714

I suppose there are these free childcare places? But I can’t seem to find anywhere around me that offers these? And we will have 1.5 years till that starts when 2nd baby is born anyway. Not sure where we are meant to find this extra £314 from and we were hoping to be getting married in a few years but that can’t happen if we haven’t even any spare money for clothes etc let alone savings!

OP posts:
SciFiFan2015 · 04/04/2018 14:02

Found this about saving money on personal loans. Maybe something here will help.
www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/how-to-reduce-the-cost-of-personal-loans

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 04/04/2018 14:04

Your DP can't be travelling too far on £10 per month. Would a bicycle be a feasible alternative? And he works part time, earning not much less than you do. Could he increase his hours or do these hours overlap your childcare needs?
Your phones sound very expensive.

Original poster
ScruffleCake · 04/04/2018 14:05

HateSummer I guess it is because when we first got it with our flat, the only available interest was fibre and that was the best deal as only Sky had any room left on it. I will look into moving internet providers! thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
ScruffleCake · 04/04/2018 14:06

Anotherdayanotherdollar he does usually cycle, that's what kinda silly about him having the motorbike too. I will have to talk to him properly about it. I think it will be a hard conversation as he says that's all that's left of him now since we have had DS...

OP posts:
TheMildManneredMilitant · 04/04/2018 14:09

Firstly op I'm sorry the financial reality is so shit.
Secondly, shaving off £20 here and there isn't going to make a huge difference because it's bound to then get eaten up with other unpredictable expenses.
However - at the moment you only need CC for 1, so that's an extra £400 or so you can save now each month? Then when you're on mat leave you take eldest out of cc and save that... the bike loan will then virtually be paid off by the time you go back to work (although appreciate that depending on mat pay all of those savings on paper may need to make up other essential costs). It will help, especially if you can get the free hours childcare.
Good luck

SciFiFan2015 · 04/04/2018 14:10

I know it must seem horrible right now but you actually have several options available to you and can also shave money off in various areas of your spends. Getting a mortgage was brilliant, staying in your role was brilliant - you've made some great choices. You will find a way to manage when the baby gets here. Breastfeeding (if you can/want to) will save money. Cloth nappies will save money.
Look into the tax efficient ways of paying for childcare - there's calculators online to compare the two ways (you save on tax and NI) I used to save about £80 a month doing this and if your DP can use the tax efficient way of paying for childcare you can double the benefit.
How often do you watch live TV? Could you live without BBC and all the associated services? If yes you could cancel the TV licence?
Save money on the phones when up for renewal and use price comparison websites for everything else. You will find a way because you have to! Good luck and congratulations on the baby news.

thiskittenbarks · 04/04/2018 14:11

If you look after both DC while you are on maternity leave you will save on nursery fees during that year or however long you take for mat leave. Then when you return to work you should have good load of annual leave racked up so you could see if you could use that to be effectively part time, while still earning a FT wage, saving you on childcare costs during that period. By that time your DC1 should qualify or be fairly close to qualifying for the 30 free hours.
We had the same financial panic when we found out I was pregnant (will have a 16/17 month gap). But after looking at the 30 free hours we thought although it would be tough in the beginning, it would be fine overall, and now we've looked at stuff again we are doing better than we thought and are feeling fairly confident about it financially.
Your mortgage to salary ratio does seem high to me though. But we are in the SE too so know that it is what it is! And like you say you'd incur a load of fees and stamp duty etc if you sold up now.

Magpiemagpie · 04/04/2018 14:11

So he cycles to work and he has a motorbike and you wonder why your skint😂
Ask the bank for a early resettlement figure of the loan
I am out of contract with EE I was paying £50 a month unlimited text calls and Internet
I have exactly the same deal sim only £17.50

BarbaraofSevillle · 04/04/2018 14:11

Ask him why he thinks he should have an expensive toy, because that's what the motorbike is, when you have zero disposable income to pay for it?

He already has one child and another on the way. That's what he 'has of him'. Sounds like he needs to grow up a bit to be honest. Parents need to feed, clothe and house their children before borrowing money to buy motorbikes they don't need.

cupoflemontea · 04/04/2018 14:16

@ScruffleCake congratulations! I can't believe some people's harsh responses 'should have thought of that before ttc and no, you can't afford it' Shock off to the workhouse with you!

I had 22 months between mine. Stupid financial decision. We went into debt. I'm not advising it, I'm really not, but that was how 'we afforded it'

There was more to the story than that including family help, 2nd jobs etc but basically our income didn't meet our outgoings so for a short time we went into debt.

All clear of that now. Chin up!

LadyLancelot · 04/04/2018 14:18

Your partner sounds like an immature twat. Riding around on a motorbike he can't afford and doesn't need just because he "wants" it. £80 per month on phones is ridiculous. People afford two children by not pretending they can still afford to live the high life when they cant. Sell the ridiculous bike and pay off the loan.

KTCluck · 04/04/2018 14:19

I’m assuming you haven’t factored ‘tax free childcare’ into the childcare fees? You will be entitled to it as you both earn less than £100k. You set up an account via the gov.uk website, and get 20% on everything you upload. You can claim up to £2k per year.

Babyplaymat · 04/04/2018 14:22

It is him that needs to rethink his job, not you.

Sofabitch · 04/04/2018 14:26

Can you save money on childcare. Can either of you work flexi time? Weekends or evenings. Can you look at a nanny share or child minder they tend to be cheaper than nurseries.

You have to sell the bike. You can't afford it.

Also plug your income and child care costs into entitled to its possible you might get some help.

Also downgrade your phone's.

Look at whether you can go interest only on the mortgage for a while. Or maybe see if you can get a better rate now.

Having under 5s wwas the poorest we have ever been. It was horrible

YorkieDorkie · 04/04/2018 14:31

This sounds like more of a DP problem than a money problem.

LivininaBox · 04/04/2018 14:33

Your childcare costs are ridiculously high if that is for 3 days per week - you must be paying over 100 per day? I pay 50 per day in the SE. If you are in London, I thought 80 per day was typical for nurseries, with less for childminders?

Your DPs work is barely covering the cost of childcare as it is now, let alone with 2. The obvious solution would be for him to switch to evening or weekend work and do the childcare.

MissSueFlay · 04/04/2018 14:36

So, he says he's not even going to consider changing his job / work pattern, even though he has no qualifications and you earn more?
And you are just going to go along with that and look for a part time job?
Does that sound fair and reasonable?
Is he offering any kind of alternatives, or just vetoing your suggestions - like getting rid of his expensive toy, and being sensible about who works?

Taytotots · 04/04/2018 14:41

We had twins so no choice really! We did live in a cheaper part of the country than you though and our mortgage was less. The main thing was both working a compressed week (full time over four days) so we only needed 3 days of nursery. You are lucky that you get some childcare from relatives - we were too far away. We also had work childcare vouchers which were good. It's great the free nursery hours will help you too. I'm sure it will work out with a bit of juggling. I remember panicking about how we would afford things but we managed. Good luck!

Original poster
ScruffleCake · 04/04/2018 14:43

LivininaBox I hope I have worked it out wrong then! I have done £55 a day x 2 children x 3 days a week. My childminder charges £57 a day (7am till 6pm). I think that is correct way of working out monthly costs?

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Original poster
ScruffleCake · 04/04/2018 14:44

Sofabitch not entitled to anything, already tried that avenue.

Although KTCluck we haven't claimed he tax free childcare yet so I shall look into that. thank you

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Catanddogmake6 · 04/04/2018 14:45

Before you decide to change jobs you need to look at your package. If you are entitled to enhanced maternity pay you often have to work for a fixed period both before the baby's born and after mat leave. Equally SMP requires you to have been in the job for a certain period before the baby is born. Also look at any benefits like childcare vouchers as although not part of your base salary they would make a big difference.

Original poster
ScruffleCake · 04/04/2018 14:46

I guess we will have a serious conversation then about him getting a new job. Just not sure where else he will earn £24500 when he has no qualifications....

OP posts:
Original poster
ScruffleCake · 04/04/2018 14:46

Catanddogmake6 don't worry I wont be leaving until after mat leave otherwise I wouldn't qualify for it anywhere else!

OP posts:
Catanddogmake6 · 04/04/2018 14:49

I also understand that you probably wouldn't ask but is their any family financial help available? if my children were ever in this situation I would want to be given the opportunity to help (especially if the choice was grandchild or no grandchild). I would reserve the right to mutter about the bike though.

Original poster
ScruffleCake · 04/04/2018 14:54

Catanddogmake6 certainly cant ask family, we have a higher income then them! Both sets of parents still have younger kids that live at home too. We have already asked them to give up a day of their work to look after our DS. Maybe I could look into an extra job working from home, not sure what though!

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