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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Compassionate leave for loss of baby at 17 +6

83 replies

Aloneandscared25 · 03/04/2018 17:36

Yesterday morning I lost my baby girl, at home we have another daughter who requires around the clock care and is scheduled to go to surgery on Friday.
My partner who quite frankly right now is a broken man has been refused compassionate leave and apparently by law
Our little girl was under 24 weeks gestation so doesn’t count as a “ loss of child “
Requiring compassionate leave.
They have said he can’t have the next few days off due to staffing however next week can take a few days holiday as he wish.
AIBU to be angry, I just want him at home with us.

OP posts:
Rainfallrainbow · 03/04/2018 17:39

I’m so sorry for your loss. Xx

Could he call in sick? You can self certify for the first week and then see gp for a sick note after that. You are DNBU.

Rachie1986 · 03/04/2018 17:40

No advice but I'm so sorry for your loss and am thinking of you xx

ElspethFlashman · 03/04/2018 17:40
Flowers

I'd call in sick in a heartbeat. Fuck them.

GinIsMySaviour · 03/04/2018 17:41

I don’t know the legal ins and outs I’m afraid but I wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. Of course you want to be able to mourn your baby daughter with your partner so legal or not, his employers are being awful.

Take care of yourself as much as you can and I hope everything goes well on Friday

Flowers
Flyingpompom · 03/04/2018 17:41

Sorry for your loss. Your GP will sign him off with stress I am sure. He will undoubtedly be ill with stress in this kind of situation so he won't be pulling a 'sickie'.
I hope your daughter's operation goes well. Flowers

Eatalot · 03/04/2018 17:42

Call in sick for stress. Which wont actually be a lie.

Bl7589 · 03/04/2018 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eatalot · 03/04/2018 17:43

Sorry for your loss. You dh bosses are dicks.

mumeeee · 03/04/2018 17:43

That's awful. I think your DH should call in sick as another poster said

HolyMountain · 03/04/2018 17:44

How absolutely awful, I can't imagine how difficult things must be.

I'd call in sick without a doubt.

Take care.

bluebeck · 03/04/2018 17:44

I am so sorry OP Flowers

Agree with PP - get DP to self certificate with stress for up to a week, beyond that he will have to see his GP and get signed off.

I don't know what kind of job he does, but if he doesn't want to speak to his arsehole manager again he can just call and ask to speak to HR and tell them.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 03/04/2018 17:45

I had the same issue when we lost our DD at 21 weeks. It's fucking ridiculous and absolutely disgusting that some places of work won't allow compassionate leave. They'd soon feel differently if it happened to them I'm sure.

So very sorry for your loss. Flowers

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 03/04/2018 17:45

He can get signed off with stress, I dont know a single medical professional who wouldn't sign him off in a heartbeat.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/04/2018 17:45

Go to the doctors, get a sick note, for stress.

Flowers
DontTouchTheMoustache · 03/04/2018 17:46

Wow you would need to be a real heartless bastard to be pedantic about this. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I agree to call in sick, and then look for another job.

balljuggla · 03/04/2018 17:46

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Your partner absolutely has grounds to be off sick.

Geekmama · 03/04/2018 17:46

Sorry for your loss, get your DH to go to the doctors and get a sick note.

hamandpease · 03/04/2018 17:46

What does he do for work? That's horrendous

Original poster
Aloneandscared25 · 03/04/2018 17:47

I’m so exhausted I have literally just had to go straight back in to the chaos of normal life because he has to work today.
I will tell him to phone in sick tomorrow thankyou.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aloneandscared25 · 03/04/2018 17:47

His works with young people who are looked after in a youth centre setting.

OP posts:
Hypermice · 03/04/2018 17:47

Call your GP, explain and get a sick note to cover his grief/stress. documentation is probably important with such a shitty employer.

I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope your daughters surgery goes well.

I’m always amazed at how bloody awful some employers are - I’ve always treated everyone on my teams as adults and been as flexible as I can. In return they have repaid that many times over in hard work and flexibility too. I’d fully expect any employee I treated so poorly to lose any motivation to go the extra mile.

LokiBear · 03/04/2018 17:48

Tell him to go to the doctor, explain the situation and get a sick note. I am so sorry for your loss. His company are beyond disgraceful.

ClaryFray · 03/04/2018 17:48

No advice, just wanted to pop in to say so sorry for your loss. Your Dh boss sounds like a twunt.

Homemenu1 · 03/04/2018 17:50

He needs to get signed of for a while and then he needs to look for a new job with more considerate employees.

Sorry for your loss

BearsandHearts · 03/04/2018 17:51

Get him to call in sick and get a GP note. The GP will defo sign him off for at least a month. When he/you both feel stronger he needs to approach his union. Thoughts with you all xx