Who is being U cafe owner or family?

[Hotcrossscotcheggs]

On my FB tonight a story came up and has been shared a LOT about a family who visited a cafe and ordered their food to then be asked to leave as their 3 year old was upset they also mentioned that 3 year old has additional needs.
The page of the cafe has been flooded with 1 star bad reviews since of people who haven't visited but thought the treatment of the family was horrendous.
The cafe then responded and said that they too have a lively 3 year old daughter/grandaughter and understand children can be loud and that this is fine. They also said that they didn't ask the family to leave just asked if they could get the children to simmer down a little as other customers had complained. They also said the mother left and said "I will ruin you".

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation having a nephew with asd and a boisterous 20 month old i understand how difficult eating out can be with kids however this lady's business has been totally slated online and the cafe has had 60+ bad reviews since the post was shared. I'm not sure both parties ate being 100% honest with thrir accounts of what happened.

Who do you think was being unfair?

I am a parent of a child with challenging behaviour. I know it’s fucking tough. I also know that his problems could cause suffering hence removing him. More than once we have had to leavesomehere as the noise and behaviour of other people has caused him pain

ChimpGoblin- I also no longer have Facebook. Deleting it was the best of things. TBH I don't miss out on anything important but happily miss out on all of this crap!
I have 8 children, one of whom has additional need, ASD and ADHD and I don't EVER allow my children to disrupt entire premises. Does my son kick off- yes of course he does......but I deal with the situation, apologise to the people he may have disrupted and I have never been asked to leave or remove myself from somewhere as I have alway deescalated the situation. My son is 6 and probably has the behaviour capacity of a young 3/4 year old so it is much akin to dealing with a toddler sometimes, If I am in a situation where I am dealing with him in a state I find that simply explaining that he has additional needs and that I am dealing with it is enough for people to empathise and then the whole situation deflates quicker. That said I have never been in a situation where I have been approached regarding his behaviour, I guess because I deal with it asap.
I don't want this to sound judgey and of course I appreciate that children all have different levels of additional needs, I just feel that maybe the family didn't help the situation? but then its all from hearsay so I could be totally wrong.

It depends on the size of a child as well. If I tried moving mine when he is full on physically resisting I am likely to get hurt and so I have to do what is safest which could be waiting for a while.

people just have to put up with a bit of crying

I think most people are fairly tolerant and understand that small children and those with certain disabilities can't always regulate their behaviour in the same way as others. A bit of crying is one thing and fair enough, but a full-on screaming tantrum complete with throwing things, knocking things off tables and hitting people certainly is not. Most people won't tolerate this, and why the hell should they? Disability or not, this kind of behaviour is unacceptable and the child or person needs to be removed from the situation for their own and other's sakes.

We don't accept adults with, for example, anti-social behaviour disorders or schizophrenia to go around assaulting people/stealing/whatever, just because they have a disability. When the needs and requirements of an individual start to become unacceptable or dangerous to others then they should be overridden.

I feel for both sides here but as others have said you need to balance the needs of everybody.

My Father has Alzheimer's and loves going out for coffee & cake but doesn't cope well with lots of noise and distractions. I'm always careful to take him places that are quieter - don't play music, aren't geared towards families e.g. soft play etc.

More times than I can count we've had to leave early because very loud children (not always little ones either!) have been shouting, screaming and racing around which raises his anxiety levels. One time the family in the next booth had 3 kids all playing different loud games/media on loads etc and kicked off when I requested they be turned down or used with headphones.

In these situations are you saying the kids needs/understanding of their disability should come first or should my Father's? Should he be confined to the house in case his needs might trump a disabled child's?

Obviously not! But some degree of compromise by society and individuals with additional needs (or their carers) needs to happen. We don't go places I know will be full of children and then demand silence. In a reasonable world parents of children who are at the louder end of the scale can avoid places aimed at adults with a peaceful quiet atmosphere.

Some people who can be loud themselves cannot cope with other people's noise especially children's. Taking them to somewhere full of children would be an automatic meltdown. We take our son to quiet places but when there are most likely to be few people in there.

Its unreasonable to post reviews after reading an article about a place and not having gone there personally. It can ruin a business over night, which is down right unfair.

Oh do fuck off

People will ‘put up’ with anything that is reasonable. The entire venue should not have to endure a child screaming at the top of their lungs for extended periods of time or being a nuisance (ie darting around and putting themselves in danger). There comes a point where you need to focus on your child and take them home surely, even at the loss of a nice day out. Having a disability isn’t a free pass for awful behaviour - again it should be within reason. A child that is screaming to the point of causing multiple customers to complain to staff is probably creating more than ‘one small noise’ to begin with

I didn’t realise you had been in their at the time witnessed the incident and knew what was going on.

Some people with disabilities make screaming like noises it doesn’t always mean they are distresssed nor does it mean they are not being focused on. It just means it’s one of those things.

And no people won’t always put up with things that are reasonable, when you have had a wheelchair bound kid pushed away from a table, or had other people ask to be moved because they are concerned they may catch the disability or been told you shouldn’t be out in public or had a wheelchair tipped over or any of the other fairly regular things that disabled people and their carers deal with day in and day out you learn fairly quickly that a lot of people are just cunts who have massive issues with disabled people. So no I don’t buy that

The cafe is in Hull.

Yes the post was on a mum's group before it was on the cafes Facebook reviews. She also put it on her profile with a photograph of the cafe owner too or member of staff and its been shared about 1000 times and the local news paper has been tagged too.
The manager of the cafe has been rude to customers who left poor reviews of the food BEFORE this happened just to make that part clear.
I'm sure the frenzy has calmed down today hopefully the local daily paper won't pick it up and make more of an issue!

Blimey, I don't want to get dragged into this!

I'm sure the truth is somewhere between the two cases, as it usually is.

But the mum is a nice woman, in my experience.

www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/caf-owner-speaks-out-after-1412941

Not hard to pick the story up when the dad tags the daily paper in his Facebook post...

Oh wow.
But Yes, fair point.

That said I have never been in a situation where I have been approached regarding his behaviour, I guess because I deal with it asap. Or maybe because you have been lucky enough to use establishments that are welcoming and tolerant?

I don't think any good comes from sharing things like this on Facebook. Irrespective of the rights and wrongs it will attract comments from some vile excuses for human beings.

So even the cafe owner is not attempting to claim the kid was running around causing a health and safety risk or screaming the place down then

"Er why take her to a place which is obviously going to upset her then."

Er every place is a new place the first time you go to it isn't it? By your logic they shouldn't go out at all.

Spikey I was referring to the fact that they said she was upset by having to wait for food. Alot of kids without disabilities also have this problem which is why parents tend to carry snacks with them.

Reading the newspaper article I know who I believe and it isn’t the dad. Why on earth would a cafe owner ask a family to leave when their child has emitted a noise for two seconds? Wouldn’t happen

I’ve had someone ask an establishment to “ask the chair to leave” with my none verbal rocking LF child. Granted the owner told them to get fucked but I suspect the reasons had little to do with sympathy towards disabled people given that I’m rather more protected from that sort of thing than a lot of people.

give a snack in a cafe that sells food for a child as opposed to baby? Most cafe owners don’t tend to approve of that sort of thing

I've seen the mother's post on FB and they weren't asked to leave the cafe.

This is apparently what the problem was "when we left said she was glad so her customers could enjoy their lunch in peace!"

I agree the cafe owner was rude to say that (even though it was true). She didn't, however, ask them to leave.

According to the mum, her daughter gets upset waiting for food. Bearing that in mind, one of the parents could have taken the little girl outside/to a shop in order to distract her while they were waiting for the food to arrive.

The hate mob are now targeting the cafe's Google reviews.

Hahaha thanks for the link and had a good laugh at the "discusted" brigade on the Facebook post.