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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being U cafe owner or family?

155 replies

Hotcrossscotcheggs · 03/04/2018 00:53

On my FB tonight a story came up and has been shared a LOT about a family who visited a cafe and ordered their food to then be asked to leave as their 3 year old was upset they also mentioned that 3 year old has additional needs.
The page of the cafe has been flooded with 1 star bad reviews since of people who haven't visited but thought the treatment of the family was horrendous.
The cafe then responded and said that they too have a lively 3 year old daughter/grandaughter and understand children can be loud and that this is fine. They also said that they didn't ask the family to leave just asked if they could get the children to simmer down a little as other customers had complained. They also said the mother left and said "I will ruin you".

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation having a nephew with asd and a boisterous 20 month old i understand how difficult eating out can be with kids however this lady's business has been totally slated online and the cafe has had 60+ bad reviews since the post was shared. I'm not sure both parties ate being 100% honest with thrir accounts of what happened.

Who do you think was being unfair?

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 03/04/2018 07:44

A colleague of mine left a 3 star review on balance after having a good time at a kid's entertainment place, but bring told he couldn't eat the picnic he'd brought inside the site cafe rather than the outside picnic area because his son was scared of wasps. He whinged that he had to eat in the car instead.

His manager commented on the post asking why he'd brought a picnic if his son was so scared of wasps Grin

SporadicSpartacus · 03/04/2018 07:44

On the topic of ‘everyone has to accommodate disability’ - what about when two disabilities are in conflict?

I have autism. This involves a heightened level of sensory sensitivity. I couldn’t eat somewhere where a kid is loudly and repetitively screaming, I would find that physically painful and distressing. Whose additional needs win?

scrabbler3 · 03/04/2018 07:56

The cafe won't go under, it will receive plenty of support. I expect that locals will visit in numbers to show solidarity. The fake reviews and the "ruin" comment (if true) will be seen as beyond the pale.

Spikeyball · 03/04/2018 07:57

My son is both noisy himself and cannot cope with shrieky toddlers. If he tolerated headphones or ear plugs I would put those on him but since he can't we would leave if it lasted for more than a few minutes.

Highpeak · 03/04/2018 08:02

Something similar happened to a cafe in my town, it made the national press. they are still in business 18 months on. I think they got more business when the local mums were boycotting it! I should say there were no accusations of disability discrimination though.

LizzieDarcy1907 · 03/04/2018 08:06

It's horrendous that people can review places on FB without proof of visiting..... and that someone's livelihood can be ruined in a heartbeat. I think there should be a FB place for reviewing horrendously behaved kids and parents myself. Balance the scales.

Babyplaymat · 03/04/2018 08:06

Leaving a review when you have never been there is just mob mentality, pathetic.

LavenderDoll · 03/04/2018 08:06

On the cafe's side- it's disgraceful that a local business can be dragged on someone's version of events that may or may not be true.

Unfinishedkitchen · 03/04/2018 08:07

The family are at risk of being successfully sued by the cafe owners for purposely damaging their business. A couple in America were recently successfully sued for $1m after encouraging people who had never used the business of a wedding photographer to leave negative reviews after they had fallen out with her.

Mynewnameforabit · 03/04/2018 08:08

On the topic of ‘everyone has to accommodate disability’
Yes there have to be reasonable limits to this, don't there? If a DC with a disability wants to harm themself, or others, the answer isn't that you have to let them because they have a disability, surely?
Its a tricky area...

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 03/04/2018 08:10

I think most people want to visit a cafe in peace. A bit of child chatter is fine but if your child is screaming or bashing cutlery on the table or running around it’s not acceptable.

I say that as a mother of three who has regularly had to leave a cafe quickly.

Hoppinggreen · 03/04/2018 08:10

Anyone who leaves a review of a business without accusing it is being very very U

TammyWhyNot · 03/04/2018 08:17

We weren’t there and we don’t know the family and their needs, so how do we know?

In general, I’m not sure taking a 3 year old, ANY 3 year old, to a cafe or restaurant is a ‘right’. The vast majority cannot be relief upon to be quiet and still, and why should they, at 3?

In general, I deplore the whole social media vigilante phenomenon, but do expect everyone to respect difference and support equality.

HazelBite · 03/04/2018 08:20

If your kids are likely to be noisy/be badly behaved (irrespective of any special needs) at an eaterie what is the point of going as the parents are going to be unable to relax their tea/ coffee/food, better off eating at home and taking the dcs to a play park to burn off energy

Original poster
Hotcrossscotcheggs · 03/04/2018 08:22

I have seen screen grabs of the cafe owners replies to some poor reviews left prior to this and they're not totally professional. I have also seen a post from the dad in the situation and it is a public 'share share share' post so I'm not sure they would be mortified about the shit storm it's created.
Probably 6 of one half a dozen of the other and it's all blown out of proportion.

Also surprised at so many Mumsnetters having seen this on Facebook too!

OP posts:
Personwithhorse · 03/04/2018 08:23

Support the cafe, and as others have said many people don’t want to eat with screaming children running around. Many a cafe has gone out of business because they have allowed a group of mummies with huge prams block their cafe whilst drinking 1 coffee.

youarenotkiddingme · 03/04/2018 08:25

I am the mum of an autistic boy.

His behaviour sometimes as a result of his disability can be extremely distressing and disruptive for others.

I don't expect others to just 'put up with it'.
Likewise if his behaviour is such it's disturbing others it's a sure sign he is distressed and not comfortable in the environment - so why would I stay? (Certainly wouldn't cause my son distress to prove a point he has a right to be there)

falsepriest · 03/04/2018 08:30

Cafe that now has mums of toddlers boycotting it? Sounds perfect. Wish it was local, I’d go out my way for the peace and quiet.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 03/04/2018 08:54

HazelBite Tue 03-Apr-18 08:20:50
If your kids are likely to be noisy/be badly behaved (irrespective of any special needs) at an eaterie what is the point of going as the parents are going to be unable to relax their tea/ coffee/food, better off eating at home and taking the dcs to a play park to burn off energy

So, you’re suggesting that people with children who have special needs should never venture far from home, always go home in the middle of a day out for lunch, never go on holiday...?

Some of the posts on this thread are incredibly thoughtless, if not actually nasty. Often your behaviour is what’s causing a child with SEN to get distressed. ‘Quickly removing’ a child with SEN is not always easy or the safest option. A little patience & understanding goes a long way. You do realise that any of us is one step away from being in that situation? All it takes is a car accident, getting knocked off a bike, an illness and your spouse or child could be the one with additional needs.

peacheachpearplum · 03/04/2018 09:01

Probably 6 of one half a dozen of the other and it's all blown out of proportion. It usually is.

We went out for a birthday meal a few weeks ago, there was a bit of disruption with a 9 or 10 year old with special needs who was clearly distressed. I wouldn't have complained, I looked at his parents who were clearly stressed/tired/embarrassed and just thought what a hard time they were having and thanked my lucky stars that I never had to deal with that.

Sleepyblueocean · 03/04/2018 09:12

HazelBite some children are never going to grow out of being noisy and their parents are never going to be relaxed taking them anywhere out of the house including play parks, in fact especially play parks. People can't spend their whole lives avoiding leaving the house.

bonnyshide · 03/04/2018 09:24

It's not fair to expect other paying customers to put up with loud and misbehaved children....it was right for them to ask for the child to quieten down, if they allowed unruly behaviour them they would lose customers.

TheFifthKey · 03/04/2018 09:25

I know the mother - if she said “I will ruin you” I’ll eat my hat!

IncyWincyGrownUp · 03/04/2018 09:30

Sometimes I think society has come a long way, then I read threads like this and realise that a hefty number of people are still quite ok with othering people with disabilities.

Out of sight and out of mind eh?

anneoneill · 03/04/2018 09:36

I'd love to eat in a cafe that the "liked and shared hun xxx" brigade won't be at.