To ask if you feel overwhelmed by school etc?

[Jassmells]

Sometimes I feel like I'm totally winging this mum thing. Everyone else seems so organised and on top of it and I feel like the duck who's flapping her feet underneath and getting no where.
For context I have two kids and work part time (3 days) in quite a full on challenging job that requires travel. Since eldest started school I just cannot keep up with the constant requests for everything and only remember half of it because someone else tells me. Then I get the guilts because I can't get them to all the after school clubs they want to do. They do two things at weekends when DH can help but want to do more. I then have friends who don't work or or work say 4 hours who tell me how exhausted they are because they've been to a different club every night and volunteered in the school every day and ask me when I am going to do those clubs/volunteering. AIBU to want to scream? Is it just me who feels like this? I honestly feel like my head is in such a spin I sometimes don't know what day it is. I'm surviving not functioning. Oh and about to do more hours at work which doesn't help either. Despite my moaning here I am quite an organised person because I have to be. But please tell me I'm not alone to fee like I'm drowning??

You don't sound very organised and that's the problem most likely.

Admin etc from school is easily managed, it takes an few minutes to check book bags for letters or look for emails from school/the website.

Most parents work full time at our school and manage it. With calendars, reminders etc all able to be done on phones it's easier than ever in reality.

You just need to get more organised. Check book bag for letters every night. If form needs signing do it straight away and put back in book bag. Read newsletter, any dates on it write straight on calendar - takes seconds to do but makes life so much easier.

Popcorn

Schools want so much late times nowadays it really fucking annoys me. Dd1 is in y2 and it's homework (spelling, reading) every night, then more homework at weekend then holiday homework. She's 7 ffs.

I hate the schooling here and one of the reasons we are leaving the UK.

I found working with a school child a completely different ball game to nursery. Now a SAHM which makes it more managable. I took advantage of the end of a contract. Work was demanding of its own accord. DS struggled with breakfast club/ school/ after school club and we were both permanently exhausted. It doesn't help that it's a lively school that does a lot which is generally good, but a PITA for the mental load particularly in a school with scatty, short notice communications.

Life is full on enough as it is. We can now do extra curricular things, plus DS gets extra support before/ after school so I have numerous extra school runs between two DCs in the same school

I just check the book bag every night, stick important letters on the fridge, reply slips straight back in book bag/blazer pocket depending on child. Everything straight on the calendar. Check the school calendar on line occasionally and write anything important on the kitchen calendar. Only activities currently are swimming and netball. These are the 2 that have stuck. Others come and go. I manage ok. I work, 2 kids, dp works away.

Getting everything in the phone calender immediately helps.

Still not a guarenteed sucess when the school gives notice on Friday lunch time of non-uniform on Monday, while you're away on a long weekend with no phone signal to pick up the email... At least I can now join the queue of parents handing in a change of clothes by 9:07 am these days. It's not just me. The school is renouned for it.

Did you miss the point where I said I'm organised?!

I am organised just overwhelmed by it! I am out of the house pretty much 8-6 Then deal
With tea/bath/bed etc then up to 8 messages from school a day on the app plus things in the bag then having to log back on to work email for a couple of hours then either wash hair/ do housework/ generally collapse.

Sorry clearly everyone copes much better than me I just feel broken by it right now.

@UrgentScurryfunge yes exactly that the change from nursery to school is hard. Sometimes I think should just give up work but it isn't an option without serious lifestyle changes.

I’m the same op - no solutions but sending solidarity

I think I could be more organised though - don’t do batch cooking etc which I’m sure you do

You only work three days, can’t you catch up on this admin on the other two days? I know the school stuff is relentless but it can be done. I work FT and just have to deal with the admin on the day it comes in/transfer to calendar. I also rope DH in! Just tell your kids they can do extra activities.. but not in the days you work! They’ll live

particularly in a school with scatty, short notice communications

This is the thing that gets me about my kids school. They will let you know at the last minute that the kids have to dress up or bring money in or make an Easter bonnet and you don't want your child to miss out. Our school also do first come first served on things like after school clubs and parents evenings so you have to be standing by your phone at 18.59 because it opens at 19.00 for bookings. If you forget these things its your child who misses out.

I am in the habit of checking book bags as they walk in and going through the newsletter with my phone and storing dates on my calendar.

Are you a member of a Facebook or WhatsApp group with other parents? These can be really handy for reminding you of things. Usually someone will say something about the trip/non uniform day and this will help you to remember.

I hear ya OP!! I’m pretty organised too but struggle with all this, and work and keeping on top of the household stuff too. My husband is ok at helping but as I work part time I feel i have to do the majority of the kids’ stuff and it wears me down! How old are your children? Mine are towards the end of primary now and it’s got a lot better over the past 2 years or so as they are better at remembering stuff themselves (e.g PE kits, what homework they need to take in and so on) so it does get better

Don't worry about too much after school stuff, just do the one or two things they love. Mine do drama and swimming - that's enough for me to organise! Every week at swimming, I feel hot and bothered and annoyed by the extra laundry.

Reply slips straight away is a good one.
Reading and spelling sometimes easier in the mornings as eldest wakes a good hour before youngest so we have some time 1 to 1.
I stick reminders on my phone and the school text (a lot) which helps.
It's the money requests that have me in a flap. Constant things to pay for and some months are easier than others.

Sunday's are no longer a day of rest, iron uniform for the week, check and pack school/PE bags/swim bags. Lunch boxes once a week.

I also work 3 days, stressful and lots of driving. You're not the only one flapping! I'm happy it's the hols.

As others have said, check the school bag every night. Deal with anything that can be dealt with immediately, such as we need £2.50 to find a visit, there and then. Put the form and £2.50 back in the book bag straightaway.
Check the website regularly too, or whatever SM your school uses to communicate. Put World Book Day on the calendar straightaway (and a note a week earlier to make sure you have a costume sorted!).
Notwithstanding, you will get the occasional/regular late request for things. You just have to deal with them as best you can at the time. Don't stress if you can't do it if you were only asked the night before.

YANBU. I work part-time in a fairly demanding job too, with only one child and an involved co-parent and I struggle.

I read the newsletter, check the book bag every night and note everything in the family calendar. But I'm still caught out occasionally because sometimes they'll give notice of an event with a note on the class door or something like that (I don't always do drop off/pick up).

Eight messages a day? Saying what?

I find it overwhelming, nursery you dump them at the door and forget all about them, school is quite a culture shift. I think it asks quite a lot of the kids too, remembering where they're meant to be all the time. You're not alone op

@Onceuponatimethen thanks ha I'm no cook either I used to batch but that's gone by the wayside

@Oly5 days off I have a toddler and am entertaining her and doing housework oh and answering my work phone to emergencies that seem to crop up when I'm not there

I mean, that's insane. You should ask the school to stop that.

I try very hard in my non working days to get everything sorted

It sounds like your school might over communicate a little.

You’re not alone. I found it much easier when my two were pre school age.

Now they are in different schools with requests, messages and projects here there and everywhere and I struggle to keep on top of it all.

Plus in the holidays they actually want to spend time with us rather than being shipped off to holiday clubs.

It’s made working full time in a conventional job with all it’s limitations pretty much impossible. I’ve just gone self employed again as a result.

8 messages a day is way OTT though, and smacks of lack of organisation at the school.

It is tough, it's the mental load that wears me down - trying to keep on top of family life alongside a pressurised work life is exhausting. Can you split the tasks with your husband - does he get the e-mails etc as well? It does get easier, and once the kids get a bit older they can start to take responsibility for some of it.
As others say, we stick everything on the fridge calendar - but not v helpful for those last minute requests....

I’m the same op - no solutions but sending solidarity

You need a wife.

I do all my kids reading books in car on way to school - bad mum