To ask if you feel overwhelmed by school etc?

[Jassmells]

Sometimes I feel like I'm totally winging this mum thing. Everyone else seems so organised and on top of it and I feel like the duck who's flapping her feet underneath and getting no where.
For context I have two kids and work part time (3 days) in quite a full on challenging job that requires travel. Since eldest started school I just cannot keep up with the constant requests for everything and only remember half of it because someone else tells me. Then I get the guilts because I can't get them to all the after school clubs they want to do. They do two things at weekends when DH can help but want to do more. I then have friends who don't work or or work say 4 hours who tell me how exhausted they are because they've been to a different club every night and volunteered in the school every day and ask me when I am going to do those clubs/volunteering. AIBU to want to scream? Is it just me who feels like this? I honestly feel like my head is in such a spin I sometimes don't know what day it is. I'm surviving not functioning. Oh and about to do more hours at work which doesn't help either. Despite my moaning here I am quite an organised person because I have to be. But please tell me I'm not alone to fee like I'm drowning??

Oh fuck do I feel overwhelmed by school.

3 kids, 3 different schools.

It's all the extras - swimming gala, constant meetings with teacher and senco, school play, tag rugby day, school trips, school 2s swimming gala, school 3's school play, horse riding on mon, sit in your child's seat at school 1 on Weds (I don't even know what this is!), random charity days...wear a hat day, world book day, turn into a fucking unicorn day.....

Making 3 packed lunches, sorting uniforms, book bags and homework nearly does for me, but the rest of it tips me over the edge.

I could have wrote this! And I would say I’m organised too. I work 3 x 10 hour days & have my 1 Year old the days I’m off. Even though I look in book bag each night & reply to anything that needs relying too, put stuff on calendar, reply to party invites etc I still find it quite a lot to sort. It’s not that I don’t know Tuesday is non uniform, with forest school stuff & chocolate for the raffle, & I’ll be out the house so need to make sure dinner is ready for 4.30pm even though I won’t be there etc- it’s the actual time to sort it all!

A few things that have helped me is to have a pack of envelopes (you can buy small dinner money ones, try Boyes or Wilko)
And a jar of spare change in the kitchen cupboard. Check bags every night, any random requests for cash pop straight into envelope with slip and return.
If you don't already have a class WhatsApp group set one up, invaluable for last minute reminders.

Your not alone op I'm not one of these super parents either and really struggle Some times. My children's school is great at the last min dressing up day.

One of my children's teachers likes to send out a " all children must bring in...today" texts but at ten past 8 which is when I'm driving to work since breakfast club starts at 8. Which means I have a very disappointed child at the end of the day. Some parents have complained as how are we supposed to predict the future but he points out that other parents manage. Yep the ones who are at home when he sends out his stupid texts on a whim.

Plus the shear workload they send home that all need help doing. I honestly can't remember my parents being as involved as they expect them to be these days.

Not to mention the guilt of not being able to attend the millions of events they seem to do usually at 11am for an hour which ends up with very unhappy children when mum can't get the time off to go.

No. Slightly different but I loved being a parent until school started! I loathe the remembering everything, the school run, the endless morning fights and planning days around pick up and drop off. AND ITS FOR SOOO LONG, not just a few years. Haha.

The responses you get will very much depend on posters experiences of schools. DD's school are ridiculously busy and love a last minute event, DS's primary did very little that needed parent input and were very organised, mine falls somewhere in between.

When DS was in Year R I felt like I was drowning while working part time, even more so when DD started her school, I'm now working full time as well as doing several voluntary roles, both DC have several after school activities and somehow we manage to balance it all, point is it gets easier and you will cope, you just need to get into a routine and a system that works for your family.

I’ve been lucky that my eldest dc reminds me what’s needed for school. She knows that if she doesn’t tell me it’s not going to happen. I also promise you that you care less as your kids get older. I used to care if dc were the only ones who forgot to dress up on world book day. Now I don’t care. I don’t care if people judge us. No one will remember in a few years time.

You can only do what you can

I am out of the house for a minimum of 12 hours a day and then work some more from home in the evenings. I work full-time and my DC are in a school, which does everything last-minute - sometimes even without any communication, other than telling the kids something needs to be done for the next day. We've complained, but what can you do?

I still manage to stay on top of things. Some events are predictable, so can be worked on well beforehand. For example, there will always be at least one dress-up day around WBD. There will always be a special meal at Easter/ Christmas, which will require payment a week or two in advance. There will always be a 'something spotty' day around Children in Need and there will always be an Easter bonnet/ Easter egg competition. We also look at this year's topics in advance and predict what sort of dress-up may be needed.

So I get these out of the way before the notification comes in. It's not that big a deal and the children always have a variety of dress-up clothes to deal with any unexpected events. The rest gets put onto the List and dealt with in good time. Payments are done on the day they ask for it and we always keep some money in the pot for that kind of thing.

It's only a lot of you leave everything until the last minute.

So, what can you predict will happen this year? A guaranteed trip at some point in summer? The guaranteed need for wellies? A guaranteed house colour/ colour event? Get it done now and feel smug when everyone complains on FB they can't find an orange and lilac striped and bear-spotted top for the annual walk-a-mile-on-your-tiptoes race.

It’s funny isn’t it that only 1 poster has mentioned that perhaps OP’s DP/DH could also get involved - pretty much everyone else seems to do it all themselves (me included) - maybe that’s the problem! My DH will go to things when I can’t go but don’t think he has ever reminded me about an event at school or worried about after school club, holiday childcare, parties etc and I’ve not even realised it until reading everyone’s posts above!

^eeveebee

It’s funny isn’t it that only 1 poster has mentioned that perhaps OP’s DP/DH could also get involved - pretty much everyone else seems to do it all themselves (me included)^

There was a thread on this once and LOADS of posters said they had to be the one to get the reminders, sign the permission slips do all the kid-stuff mental load because their DHs wouldn’t prioritise it, basically. They’d do the minimum - pay for trips and make packed lunches - but anything vaguely optional like dress up costumes or assemblies or whatever they’d skip. So the mums take it all on for the kids sake.

Or because they’re working PT to their DHs FT - yet end up doing 100% of the school & kid load

It sucks. Involve the men more!

I feel exactly the same. I work FT which includes a drop off at breakfast club at 7.30. I think the extra hour at home would give me a chance to be more organised, if I didn't have to do that drop, but I do, so inevitably I do miss things. Luckily Husband is Captain Organised and will do the bag check etc.
I'm literally making it up as I go along! School do text reminders quite often though so a lot less gets missed than it could!

I didn't mention DH as I assume that when one parent is PT (male or female) that is a big reason for that is to absorb exactly this kind of life admin. Op what age is your youngest? If a newborn, or in the tricky gap between dropping a nap and starting nursery, then I get why it's hard to keep up, and your DP needs to do more.

I think back to that thread if men did Xmas- consensus was that would pare it back. Probably a good thing!

Same with school - would do the bare minimum which is fine if your kids don’t mind being the only one in the class that hasn’t entered the rugby Rose crafting competition or whatever

Yeah, I’m with you. I work full time and have three primary school aged DC. The school ask for A LOT, it’s suffocating at times. They always seem to want money for some reason or another which isn’t there fault I’m sure (fucking Tories). Then there’s the endless homework for all three of them plus little tasks they get set such as painting an egg for a competition etc. It’s really difficult to juggle. I teach in a college so even when I’m done with work there’s marking and planning etc. It’s tough. Some days I have no idea how I made it through the day .

I feel overwhelmed with it too. I am an organised person but it gets too much on top of full time work you are not on your own!

I have 4dc. 1 at secondary, 1 at primary, 1 in preschool, and 1 in nursery part time. I feel your bloody pain!
I am organised but it still gets on top of me. I spend a few minutes each night reading the emails and adding things to the calendar otherwise I just lose track completely.
I had an email last week for the Y2 child telling me they were having a titanic ball two days later and she needed a costume! " please don't buy anything just use what you have lying around at home"
I don't have titanic ball costumes just lying around I'm afraid. Spider-Man yes. Jack and rose no.

Yanbu. I'm quite good at the school admin but struggle massively with laundry. I feel like I'm drowning in it a lot of the time. I do the diary thing, check bookbags every day and my DC love dressing up so we have a massive dressing up box with various costumes, hats, cloaks etc.

I get you OP. I forget stuff all the time, including a recent non uniform day for Sports relief. It's exhausting. Also, because all the afternoon clubs finish too early for me to get there after work, DD doesn't get to do any of them and has to go to our childminder. I feel bad about that. Things will only get worse in September when DD2 starts. We have actually been worse since DH got the school app. Now we both think the other one is doing stuff, but neither of us are. No great advice from me, but lots of sympathy

Why in the name of all that is holy are you not demanding that your school gets its act together? Preferably through a very vocal conversation with the head in the playground? So many schools in here sound so utterly rubbish. We don't get duplicate information at our school if you have more than one child, and information about Class 4's trip to the museum only goes to Class 4 parents. There would be a riot around our way if they tried that shit about telling us the day before about a dressup.

I think schools do ask for too much. You do get more used to it and same days crop up each year so easier with second or later child. But it’s bloody demanding IMO.

I have family organiser will column for each family member and write everything on there but if you’re not at home you have to remember to do it later.

Sounds like you have one of those "part time " jobs where you do a full time job but are only paid for 3 days a week. If you are regularly spending a couple of hours on email each evening, and firefighting on your non working days, it may be worth considering doing 4 days but without the intrusion into your evenings and non- Working time. Sounds counter intuitive but I actually felt less overwhelmed by it all when I went back to full time

OP I think many of have been there and the trick isn't to be more organised. It's to cheat.

So you decide months in advance what your DC are wearing for world book day, based on what is already in your cupboard. Then you spend the rest of the year convincing them what their favourite book is.

You keep the dodgy bottle of wine that you won at the PTA summer fayre and donate it back at Christmas.

If you can, buy more uniform than you need, and fold it, don't iron it.

Presents for teachers and classmates- buy in advance during the sales or add to your online supermarket shop.

Take photos of all printed communication from School, clubs and party invites.

it gets better as they get older

Also do not feel pressurised by other parents into volunteering if you don't want to or actually can't. It is none of their business

God yes it’s awful. I have lots of friends with preschool dc who are heading into the school phase and I keep warning them.....they look at me like I’m mad - more work, what do you mean?

I’ve a secondary dc and a primary dc. It takes twenty minutes to drop the primary one off in the morning. That’s twenty minutes in the actual school, not doing the school run. There’s a place you’ve to put a lunchbox, a place you’ve to put a coat, shoes to change, a drawer to find and put a bag in, a box to find and put homework in, a library book to swap, a snack to put on the snack table, a daily question to answer with your DC, they’ve to write their name on the board as a register, and decide where their little magnetic face is on the fucking mood caterpillar that day. This is all whilst fighting the incoming and outgoing tide of other parents and their dc trying to do the same things in the same tiny spaces. In the evenings we have to negotiate through the nightly reading, nightly maths, write in their book, the homework projects are weekly. Seven or eight School trips every year, book day, world maths day, pta meetings, fashion shows, quiz nights, local history evenings, Four School fairs every year (spring fair, summer fair, autumn fair, Christmas fair!!) non uniform, charity days, harvest festival, carol concert, School play, parents evening, Halloween disco, valentines disco, end of year disco.

The secondary one does at least deliver themselves to school but the homework load is epic, as is the constant demand for specific items for projects of one or the other type. Homework club is provided but never has the equipment needed to actually do the homework. Elder one is always wanting extra money putting on the dinner card, more ink for the printer, wooden dowelling, six metres of tuile, cardamom pods, whatever other random thing they decide they need for the next day. Endless meltdowns about homework meaning one of us coaching through into late nights with alarming regularity.

School is a shitload of work and it drives me mad.