To ask if you feel overwhelmed by school etc?

[Jassmells]

Sometimes I feel like I'm totally winging this mum thing. Everyone else seems so organised and on top of it and I feel like the duck who's flapping her feet underneath and getting no where.
For context I have two kids and work part time (3 days) in quite a full on challenging job that requires travel. Since eldest started school I just cannot keep up with the constant requests for everything and only remember half of it because someone else tells me. Then I get the guilts because I can't get them to all the after school clubs they want to do. They do two things at weekends when DH can help but want to do more. I then have friends who don't work or or work say 4 hours who tell me how exhausted they are because they've been to a different club every night and volunteered in the school every day and ask me when I am going to do those clubs/volunteering. AIBU to want to scream? Is it just me who feels like this? I honestly feel like my head is in such a spin I sometimes don't know what day it is. I'm surviving not functioning. Oh and about to do more hours at work which doesn't help either. Despite my moaning here I am quite an organised person because I have to be. But please tell me I'm not alone to fee like I'm drowning??

Yanbu, some schools expect a lot

I think you are being hard on yourself OP As long as your DC are getting to school every day and are happy and healthy that’s all that matters. Do your best with the other stuff but also prioritise and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t have the time to make a cake or if you can’t spend hours on a costume. There are many parents in the same position.

Volunteering is not mandatory and do not let the school mums guilt trip you about this, some of them are quite militant about it but there are other ways to support the school. I donate as much as I can to school fundraising instead.

WRT after school clubs kids are presented with so many opportunities these days to do extra stuff in school and outside school it is mind boggling. Unfortunately it is just not possible do everything. You are not being a bad parent by denying her these things.

Reading this thread makes me dread moving back to the UK. Fuck me!

I'm late to the thread but one thing that stands out is to be highly selective in what you respond to. So of your 8 messages:

there's no pizza today they're having spag bol instead IGNORE

• there's a cake sale on fri make

Cakes/bring money IGNORE (YOU CARRY MONEY ANYWAY!)

• bring money for tuck shop ??
• there is an important meeting you must all attend in two days time to discuss year end tests GET FRIEND TO REPORT BACK. RARELY AS IMPORTANT AS THEY ClAIM ANYWAY
• anti bullying policy IGNORE
• money for school trip - OK

Tuckshop money I guess needs some kind of long-term arrangement, so need occupy no further headspace after that, so of the eight, only the school trip money needs attention.

Honestly, if you work and aren't superwoman, then basically let all the pta requests and all but THE most urgent school meetings go. I give pta my money for the cakes etc etc but there are not the hours in my day to actually contribute as well. Perhaps when I don't have preschoolers and a job my time will come to give back more. I prioritize above all reading practice and homework that I think looks useful (ie at primary, almost none of it!)

Be very, very ruthless!

Reminders on my phone calendar save my butt so many times. I don't look at school app until lung time and my bed time then wack it all in phone calendar.

Oh God yes, I work full time in a job where my ability to juggle priorities and be organised is essential. I have used it all by home time and I can't keep up with school's last minute requests via different media. This week it is a text to hubby, then a letter then a note in the kid's pocket or a notice on school's door (that I don't see as I don't drop off). They change their minds about own clothes days / sports kits at the drop of a hat, require her to turn up TOMORROW dressed all in red, need empty tin cans or loo rolls or cereal boxes... She needs a full time PA. I do what I can, ignore anything optional and keep a packed sports bag and forest school bag ready to go at all times (I wash them as soon as she comes in from that activity and re-pack the bag) and I still don't always keep up. My DD is forgiving and it is only her I feel I need to explain to!

Volunteering is not mandatory and do not let the school mums guilt trip you about this, some of them are quite militant about it but there are other ways to support the school. I donate as much as I can to school fundraising instead.

This ^ - I've had some quite cutting comments made to me about not being available to go in and help, or not being at PTA meeting etc. I felt so bad in the beginning, but realised it was my own guilt making me feel bad, not the comments. Now I just accept I do what I can, and make sure my children are happy.
I also stopped comparing myself to the other parents. That helps. No one really knows the context of anyone else's lives, so if anyone in the playground wants to judge my lack of of organisation - crack on!

My dc are now young teens but I remember the constant demands of junior school - as you say cake sales, reading workshops etc.

My main advice is try not to worry too much - if they go in in uniform on a non uniform day so what? They won’t be the only one. As for World Book Day and all the other sometimes over the top dress up days - try and note the days but if you forget again it’s not mandatory. Like most parents you are juggling a lot and you don’t have to be perfect - being a good enough parent is perfectly ok (so said my dd’s psychotherapist! So if it’s ok for her it’s ok for me )