To ask if you feel overwhelmed by school etc?

[Jassmells]

Sometimes I feel like I'm totally winging this mum thing. Everyone else seems so organised and on top of it and I feel like the duck who's flapping her feet underneath and getting no where.
For context I have two kids and work part time (3 days) in quite a full on challenging job that requires travel. Since eldest started school I just cannot keep up with the constant requests for everything and only remember half of it because someone else tells me. Then I get the guilts because I can't get them to all the after school clubs they want to do. They do two things at weekends when DH can help but want to do more. I then have friends who don't work or or work say 4 hours who tell me how exhausted they are because they've been to a different club every night and volunteered in the school every day and ask me when I am going to do those clubs/volunteering. AIBU to want to scream? Is it just me who feels like this? I honestly feel like my head is in such a spin I sometimes don't know what day it is. I'm surviving not functioning. Oh and about to do more hours at work which doesn't help either. Despite my moaning here I am quite an organised person because I have to be. But please tell me I'm not alone to fee like I'm drowning??

@ourkidmolly yes 8 messages such as

• there's no pizza today they're having spag bol instead
• there's a cake sale on fri make

Cakes/bring money

• bring money for tuck shop
• there is an important meeting you must all attend in two days time to discuss year end tests
• anti bullying policy
• money for school trip

Etc etc they just send it through as the mood takes them I think.

I work ft and understand what you are saying. Agree with putting things straight in your phone and sending slips backs straight away. Despite this, I have sent my children to school in uniform on non uniform day. My cm drops them off so texted me but it was too late to take clothes. I felt terrible all day but do you know what, they were fine and told me it didn't matter at all.

Give yourself a break. Keep your organised systems in place but allow yourself a few slips.

I feel the same OP - I am the most organised person I know but still miss some things, mainly because they don’t allow the kids to take school bags until juniors, only allowed to take a book bag once a week on reading day, and all letters/invites just get handed to the kids on their way out of the classroom door, so never make them home to me as they get lost in the black hole of after school club (together with all hats, gloves and water bottles)

I couldn’t stay on top of everything without the whatsapp group we have for each class, one of the other parents will always update us all, and if there’s something I’m not sure on, someone will also know the answer!

Yanbu.
I agree with you op that I often feel as you’ve described -completely out of control! Don’t beat yourself up.
School is a completely different kettle of fish to when they’re at nursery!
Does your oh help out at all with any of the life/school/admin stuff? I’ve recently started using a joint family calendar on mine and DHs phones, which has helped - partly just as he now realises just how much I’m juggling!!
I honestly think there are a lot of mums feeling this way - just now all are honest about it! I’m sure you’re doing better than you fear. Keep smiling!

@GreenTulips I think you are right! Best solution ever.

Gosh, what a lot of super mums on here.

I’m with you, OP. One in school, one at cm. I work over an hour away 4 days a week in a job which also requires me to log on/spend several hours working evenings and weekends. Communications from school come in a variety of ways and sometimes are weeks in advance of an event and sometimes the night before.

I use my phone calendar with alerts to help... and my husband...

Don’t beat yourself up OP, we all feel overwhelmed at times. You know how to be organised so it’s just getting on with if I’m afraid. Other useful things I find help are: having enough school uniforms; getting big bags of pound coins from the bank; easy stuff for packed lunches; keeping a well stocked arts and crafts box, so you always have card; paint; glue; tissue etc to make homework projects. You will soon get in swing of it. I have 2 at school and work full time. You just need to let standards slip a little elsewhere! Eg housecleaning, meals, ironing! your kids and their education are more important I find.

My kids had a small purse for cakes and whatnot sales. Checked it on a Monday with some change thrown in. Saves faff.

Totally get the overwhelmed feeling, you're definitely not alone!! One of mine still isn't a great sleeper so 6 years of sleep deprivation has taken its toll. The Calender is absolutely packed so I permanently have that nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something important, doesn't help that my phone keeps deleting entries and reminders. I generally don't forget anything but it's definitely stressful making sure that it stays that way!

I agree that it's tough once they start school. In the pre- school years i had a mix of nursery and part-time nanny and the work/home juggle was a breeze compared to the school years.

I would say 2 clubs is enough. Just take things easy. Make lists. Explain to kids that they can do clubs at certain times but not others.

Op if those examples are genuine then you need to complain. The school sound ridiculously disorganised and seem to expect far too much from their parents. 3 requests for money in a day? 2 days notice for a meeting? Do they actually say you must attend the meeting?

Do you live in an area with a high proportion of stay at home parents? I think it sounds like your school needs a kick up the backside. Someone needs to be told that parents can't be expected to revolve their entire lives around the children's school.

Green, do you know I’ve actually thought that before!!!

I'm so with you. 3 kids at 2 different schools. Last week alone we had four costumes to make/reuse old bits of dressing up, 6 different lots of money 2 trips, 2 school fundraiisng cake sale, 2 easter raffle, 5 letters to complete snd sign (2 trips, 1 report return, 1 football thing and 1 data thing). Online had to pay for next terms clubs for two for them and direct debit for music lessons the another. Also had two separate assemblies to see (one class, one easter). Oh and ingredients for a cake. This was before thinking about out of school activities (scouts and cubs, football, art and rugby), two birthday parties and Easter. I work 3 days spread over 4 and have no childcare help so do all pick up and drop offs. I find it totally overwhelming sometimes.

I’m generally organised but sometimes feel overwhelmed by the letters and school events that go on. I have one in reception and one in year 5. And in the last 2 weeks before Easter I was bombarded with different letters. Not to mention 2 party invites for the little one. They’ve had one dress down day where we had to being an Easter related product to donate. Both of the kids classes completed thier marble treats (reward system at the school) so that meant 2 different days on non school uniform and bring in games from home. DS had a school trip, dd had a parents after noon, both have had the parent consultations, dd then had a movie night to raise money for school. Also had the aster raffle tickets to sell. Both had yet another non uniform day on last day of term. It was a bit mind boggling. Managed to get a grip with it it was just time clashes even though it’s the same school, they are on 2 different sites and you’d think they would be a bit time sensitive knowing that most of the parents have kids at both sites. I had to be stretch armstrong for a couple of days and wear myself thin.
Totally understand how you feel, working part time and dealing with the school run and kids stuff is it bit grinding but we crack on and deal. Coz we are mums 😊

Boooom

I didn't know how lucky we were until reading this thread. I am still overwhelmed some weeks and I can't claim we have anything like this much to think about. I wonder if it depends on the catchment area and the proportion of oarents who are involved with the school, Sahm etc.

@Fruitcorner123 I'd say more work than don't, including a lot of professional women. We complain about communication a lot. It falls on deaf ears. There is also a strong contingent who have older kids and more experienced to whom the school can do no wrong, I'm wondering if by the time you get to year4/5 you're just accepting of it!

I'm with you, OP.

4 DC, 1 is still at home, DH not really around in the week (out 14 hours per day). My life is made easier by the fact that the 3 older DC are at the same primary, but I still struggle to remember everything. I work flexibly for c 20 hrs per week, term time only, so luckier than many in this regard.

I still remember the shock when DC1 started school. I had 3 under 5 at the time (and was a SAHM) and was expecting it to get easier with one out for much of the week. While it did in some ways, it was different and definitely upped the mental load.

You do get used to it but I have found this term just gone particularly hard because it was so short. Agree that getting everything on calendar helps and my life has been transformed by buying a massive whiteboard - if need be, I print emails and stick them on there. I am afraid some things I let go (I don't always contribute to cake sales etc) and have massively cut down on the children's after school stuff as they were all shattered after last term. Might that work for you? I have sold it to them that we are having a term off, so they are just doing one after school thing per week each and one at the weekend. I think that's plenty at their age and should hopefully give us all a chance to catch our breath.

It would also help if school would stop giving letters for whole-school things to my eldest as I have repeatedly asked - they never make it home!

Thanks to all those who are telling me I'm not alone now the organised vipers have moved on to jump on the latest thread ;)

That's all I wanted to know I'm not alone!

As someone who works full time including overseas travel with three DCs and a school and PTFA who get up to a lot, I agree it is a fair bit of work but think that it doesn't need to overwhelm you like this.

You say you are organised but also that you 'dont remember half the things'. That's key number one - none of us do, so like pps have said, you need a calendar that is the family bible- some of my friends use Google, some use the Organised Mum one, I have a cheap one from Tiger. Enter the termly dates, activities and any clothing required for school, work travel dates, anniversary dates, your haircut dates, EVERYTHING in the calendar as soon as possible, check book bags every night and rsvp for parties, photo invites and add to immediately etc. Keep it up to date if you know on a Monday that you'll need to work late on a Wednesday etc. It sounds like a lot, but once you've got it set up it only takes a few minutes to update and check and saves so much pain.
Get help with the house if you can afford it.

Clubs - it also seems like a lot of your stress is coming from outside activities. Is only your eldest at school? It seems like a lot, as are two scheduled activities on the weekend. Ours get one sporty and one 'culture' before / after school activity each term, and we have sometimes added one on the weekend like swimming lessons. Beyond this it can be too much, let alone volunteering. Are there other ways you can contribute and feel better, like financially or by helping with a fundraiser? Kids need unscheduled time too and if you are able to get sorted and maybe put less pressure on yourself to do so much you will all be able to relax a bit more.

My life is simpler now I have opted out of the text messages. I work shifts and I am pretty good at getting woken by messages and getting back to sleep but I lost the plot with the school messages.

Absolutely rubbish. I get the messages twice as I have two kids at the school and after getting woken twice asking to borrow a wheelbarrow and then woken twice more saying they now had one I phoned them and told them to remove me.

Now I only get letters about stuff I actually need to know.

Streamline.

I'm fairly organised and work ft, but I do often feel overwhelmed by school stuff! I do remember most things, but it does feel like loads to keep on top of and don't even ask about homework. Thank God DD has got over crying and being all helpless about it and started doing it herself in time for us to have to need to get through it with DS, who finds writing and maths very difficult. I have also found, though, that our school is not very strict about homework - honestly a couple of times if the task has been a big one and it's been a busy weekend I have added a note saying 'Sorry, we just didn't have time to do this task', or if it's a maths thing that our son really doesn't have the skills to understand yet, a note saying 'Sorry, couldn't find a way to get DS to understand this', or I do something related but simpler and add a note to say that's what we did.

It has helped that DH does get emails as well... he misses some of it, but sometimes he does remember stuff I've forgotten. OP - can your other half help a bit more?

Using google calendar or a whiteboard somewhere central in the house might also be a help.

Op don’t worry, cut yourself some slack.
I have 5DCs oldest 22 youngest 9,
Just take the easy route. Bung them some money, get the kids to nag you about Spanish day/Easter bonnets,/ parents in the classroom etc. You have bigger fish to fry.

It’s past wine o’clock, can you tell?

You know OP with my first child i was desperately trying to be the "on top of everything" and I constantly felt like a failure. My child hated doing homework, i missed stuff sometimes and I did not enjoy my mum time at all. DS didn't miss out on anything really but i hated approaching those school gates.

Second time round i've decided school stuff done at home is an added extra to their learning. If DD feels like homework we do it, if she doesn't oh well, she has another 10 years of schooling to learn those spellings. Anything we do at home is a bonus. If i miss a bring your hedgehog to school fund raising day, oh well, nobody died. DD is only 6 but is brilliant at reminding me of stuff now. If we forget something we laugh. She is healthy, cared for and loved. I will support her learning but i won't be a slave to playground or teacher politics. And bloody hell there isn't enough wine in the world that would persuade me to volunteer at the school.

If that makes me a crap parent i don't really care. I'm doing the best I can, i try not to judge others because i assume they are too. If a mum at school who volunteers looks down on me for working full time, no problem, I really just couldn't give a shit. My kids know they are my priority, to do the best i can for them i go to work, i wash them, feed them and do all the things they need from me even when i'd much rather read mumsnet and drink nice wine things.

Yadnbu, OP. Compare it to when we were in schòol. How much interaction was there with parents then? The odd art project., an annual summer fair, and tuen up for 2x parents'evening and one xmas production. That was lirerally it in the 1980s.
My parents didn't even take me to/from school after age 7.

There was no email, bookbags, 'letters home'. Unless it was vital.