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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Instamums 4

999 replies

mammyoftwo · 30/03/2018 11:24

Following on from Instamums 3.2

OP posts:
MadameGrizzly · 30/03/2018 13:29

If you are professional enough to file accounts then you should be professional enough to follow the rules of ASA

Bingo.

And if you perceive yourself to be a good, caring, well informed parent then you allow your child their privacy until they are old enough to consent (and as a mother of adults I would argue that is a minimum of 16 years of age).

MarshaBradyo · 30/03/2018 13:31

Exactly on privacy
Once it’s gone it’s gone
And the flip side of all the ‘jealous’ accusations - is it really worth it?

I can see how it happened and I’m here probably due to age of children, when mine arrived Instagram felt like a distant thing - mostly for sunsets etc

But having seen the other side at a SM agency (for my sins, I left quickly) there’s no doubt easily accessible content / frequency etc all build accounts, but most could have the same holidays without the arms in the air / crazy dad faces. I’m starting to think hats off to people who build a following without using the dc
At least a fashion blogger is just them putting the work in

Mumofkids · 30/03/2018 13:31

MP has had some colourful dm's that she's shared!

WearyMumof3 · 30/03/2018 13:31

I’ve been an insta user since 2012 and since buying a new build home it’s become a little more obsessive. Wanting the pristine pictures of a lived in family Home and my children dressed in Breton stripes... I’ve ended up with maxed out credit cards, wondering why I was like these mums, no real debt just a mortgage but couldn’t afford what they were doing. I whole heartedly agree that #ad needs to be more obvious, otherwise a keeper upper like me here ends up in financial trouble.

I did do a heavy hearted sigh when i saw MOD was in St Lucia, we scraped together to take the kids to DLP last year, before then I hadn’t been abroad for 11 years. I’d love to have magical holidays but they just aren’t affordable and the relatablity gets lost on me.

I have an open account, featuring my children with school logos blurred out, I set my profile to private whilst we’re on holiday so I can post without fear of coming back to a ransacked home.

But I constantly feel like I’m not wearing the right £40 jumper, my kids aren’t in matching gear and my house looks like children live here instead of a pristine show home. I feel like a failure. This is what Instagram does.

MarshaBradyo · 30/03/2018 13:32

Shock at holiday bragging invalidating your insurance

jamoncrumpets · 30/03/2018 13:32

The big grey area between #gifted and #ad is whether the brand has control over the content of the post.

So let's say a prominent instagram influencer is sent £150's worth of products from a naice online kids shop such as Alex and Alexa. It's in a lovely box, with pretty tissue paper and a nice note to the influencer and their children telling them they hope they enjoy it. The influencer then posts a video of themselves unboxing and goes on to show some of the products they've been sent.

TECHNICALLY this is not an #ad. It's a #gift. Because the brand has not dictated any terms of how this product is shared. This method benefits both influencer and the companies that they promote - the company appears generous and personal, and the influencer can gush over how grateful they are, and how nicely the whole package has been put together. I say it again, because it bears repeating, TECHNICALLY this is not an ad. It doesn't go against ASA guidelines. Except... oh hang on... OF COURSE it's an ad. It's an exchange of promotion in return for goods.

chicken2015 · 30/03/2018 13:32

Or worded another way do children deserve a right to privacy?

BlueSapp · 30/03/2018 13:35

WearyMumof3 I'm sure yours isn't the only story like this and that is why I totally feel we need to stop being deceived by these accounts, and the companies that engage with them!

CadyHeron · 30/03/2018 13:37

But I constantly feel like I’m not wearing the right £40 jumper, my kids aren’t in matching gear and my house looks like children live here instead of a pristine show home. I feel like a failure. This is what Instagram does

If social media makes you feel like that, you really should take a step away for your own mental health.
People shouldn't have to stop posting just because somebody out there might be jealous of their holiday or new jumper, for example.
That's their issues, not the posters.

MadameGrizzly · 30/03/2018 13:37

Or worded another way do children deserve a right to privacy?

As I posted earlier, Article 16 of the Convention of the Rights of the Child, of which the UK is a signatory, says all children have a right to privacy.

The UK's legislation around social media will have to reflect and it's only a matter of time.

WearyMumof3 · 30/03/2018 13:38

Something needs to change @BlueSapp for sure. It’s almost like being at school and being ousted for not having a kookai bag and the black quiz coat with fluffy white hood. Only we’re 30 now and should know better. But when you’re a tired weary parent who just wants to feel good again, the trap here is a much more dangerous one.

BlueSapp · 30/03/2018 13:45

People shouldn't have to stop posting just because somebody out there might be jealous

They are not jealous! they've been duped in to believing this is real life, and achievable by and ordinary parent like them.

You don't get it and sadly i don't think you ever will. Sad

Mumofkids · 30/03/2018 13:46

@cadyheron it's not jealousy 🙄
Being made to feel that you are not enough, or doing enough is not jealousy. I agree that if things get like that, step away, but this ridiculous assumption it's jealousy needs to stop.

Mamaj2017 · 30/03/2018 13:47

#bemorerhonda

Stellastartsitall · 30/03/2018 13:48

Not jealous. I can afford 2 holidays a year and nice clothes. But I'm not willing to sell my privacy for 8 holidays a year and more nice clothes.

CadyHeron · 30/03/2018 13:51

Being made to feel that you are not enough, or doing enough is not jealousy

If some pretty instagram feeds make you feel inadequate,not doing enough, it's yourself that you need to be looking at. As that's not a healthy reaction.
I know I'll never be able to afford some of the lifestyles on there. Doesn't stop me going on IG and enjoying the fees though.
Kind off takes me out of the mundane and I enjoy seeing what others are up to.
Getting yourself into debt, thinking you're not good enough, not being happy with your own lot..... that's where the problem lies. Not with instagrammers.

musicinspring1 · 30/03/2018 13:52

I hasn’t realised there was a ‘right to privacy ‘ as stated by unicef - I’ve been uncomfortable with sharing pics of my own dc on my own (private) sm for a while now - ever since in discussing social media at school a few years ago (teacher ) and it was decided a blanket announcemount before the School play was needed - only photos of your own child , none of other peoples children on social media. It made me think that my own children weren’t old enough to be asked.
Also , I’m always saying how thankful I was to grow up as a teen without social media documenting my life - now children are having that thrust upon them.
A mutual friend has set up her own mummy blog that crops up in my feed - I know so much about her 2 dc from those few posts - having tonsillitis/ potty training etc. Some photos of them looking sad or grumpy. But she is seen as a ‘success’ in our group of friends as the followers have increased and the freebies have started ....
I think this debate is vital and I’m sad reading through some of the reactive responses from some instagrammers.

CadyHeron · 30/03/2018 13:52

enjoying the feeds that should say. Not fees.

BlueSapp · 30/03/2018 13:55

not being happy with your own lot....

If this was 100% achievable, Credit sources wouldn't exist.

MadameGrizzly · 30/03/2018 13:56

Getting yourself into debt, thinking you're not good enough, not being happy with your own lot..... that's where the problem lies. Not with instagrammers.

Or...

Instagrammers could dislose as per the law and vulnerable consumers would know it is a make believe lifestyle, aka an advertisement.

Grin
CadyHeron · 30/03/2018 13:59

Instagrammers could dislose as per the law and vulnerable consumers would know it is a make believe lifestyle, aka an advertisement.

People on the last thread were complaining even on posts that clearly said ad.

KitKat1002 · 30/03/2018 14:01

Mammyoftwo, I'm slightly concerned as to why you feel it's necessary to use capitals and exclamation marks and question marks. Sounds a little bit unhinged, to be honest. But if that's the way you want to convey your point about child protection for the children of complete strangers, well, have at it I guess.

As far as my own way of doing things when it comes to children and social media, my husband (who actually works in a very senior position in advertising, so he's quite aware of how influencers work and how agencies try and regulate them) and I have never, nor will ever use our children for brand recognition or to flog stuff. It's always been our policy. But then again, we've started that ever since we found out I was pregnant (we don't post pictures of sonograms on Facebook, etc.). We don't want to make a choice for our children that they may not want. Does that make me better? No. It's just a different way of doing things in the digital age.

However, a lot of people that are active on social media, people whose families I have come to know, have a different story. They have a 'family brand', so to speak, so that's what they want to do, and that's their gig. A few of them ask their kids if they can use their photos on posts, and the older kids tend to agree because they find it cool and fun. Some don't. They ALL respect what works for their families and how much they want to reveal and they are very aware of the fine lines that they choose to tread. They don't HAVE to reveal how much they earn, just because it makes a lot of people feel better. Taking the ASA guidelines aside (which is an important thing to be aware of and adhere to, I agree), when it comes to the other, smaller stuff, it's almost as if you all want them to be just like you, because you think you have a better way of understanding social media. And like Cadyheron said, would you be so nosey about your neighbours? It's bizarre, sitting around and speculating about someone's earnings and bank balance and job hours and why they take lots of holidays and looking up the address of their house. I have a business and so does my husband and our businesses are registered and it's public information, and you can see our earnings. But is that an excuse to delve into every specific of an IG persona's entire life and parenting choices, just because they're public figures and they've chosen to make themselves available for that kind of scrutiny? Nah. Not buying it. It's an excuse to complain about the haves and have-nots under the guise of "oh but we're just worried about the children! And the dishonesty! And oh those poor children!". Would you tap on your neighbours door and go, 'oh, I saw your daughter on Facebook and I don't agree that she posts these kinds of pictures and you should really protect your child.'

We all have our different ways of navigating social media. Whilst, like I said before, there's a lot of valid opinions and questions on here, it still doesn't make any sense as to why some people choose to really get stalker-ish and animated and heated and occasionally nasty. These are people, and they're trying to earn a dime, and they get to make the choices for their family that they (and their families) feel happy with. End of story. Focus on your own choices for your own family and be happy with them, no need to protect the children of someone on social media that you really don't know.

And remind me again the original point of this post? Think it got lost in version number 2 somewhere...

Mumofkids · 30/03/2018 14:03

I would never take half my children on a holiday and leave vulnerable toddlers with a man who's whole business centres around being a hapless father and doing reckless things with them (balancing for a photo, unsupervised work surface with China, mini eggs, running with pushchair not properly strapped in, letting them wander on pavements) I would choose to not leave my toddler because that's me. I'm not jealous of people who do. But this is the woman who's posted numerous times about Ottilies anxiety and clinginess, and having similar toddlers it's just not a choice I'd make for an ad or a freebie. My kids come first. They will be grown and I will have plenty of me time.
That's not judgement, but this constant accusation of jealousy is tiresome. Jealousy is wanting what someone has. Everything about that life looks stressful and tiring. It's not enviable. What I admired was the midwifery.
I completely understand what people are saying with relatability seeing mums who start out seemingly similar provide so much can make you feel you are not doing what you should. Never compare yourself to others.

MadameGrizzly · 30/03/2018 14:04

Well, they did have a point on the last thread about overconsumption and the coopting of feminism to sell goods. It is a very problematic business model and it isn't entirely ethical.

As you pointed out, Cady, there are all sorts of issues surrounding 'influencing' no matter how it is carried out.

Stellastartsitall · 30/03/2018 14:11

Still so many outright flouting the asa rules and they are proud of getting away with it too.

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