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AIBU?

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Original poster

To call myself Ms instead of Mrs??

100 replies

cocobilly · 29/03/2018 17:20

I’m married, haven’t changed surname, use “Ms” for all correspondence. I’m starting a new job with a temp agency, and they’re telling me because I’m married, I HAVE to change my title to Mrs on all my documents (bank statements, council tax etc). Is this normal?! Don’t know what to do!

OP posts:
sausagedogsmakechipolatas · 29/03/2018 17:21

They’re talking cobblers. I’ve been a Ms since I was 16, am married etc.

childmindingmumof3 · 29/03/2018 17:22

Of course you don't have to change your title, you can call yourself anything you want.

DreamADream · 29/03/2018 17:23

They're talking rubbish. I'm a Ms, not married and will never be a Mrs even if I do get married in the future!

Original poster
cocobilly · 29/03/2018 17:23

Thank you!! Yes it seems completely bizarre to me but they are adamant I have to do it before I start working

OP posts:
LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 29/03/2018 17:24

Complete and utter bullshit.

My mum when married was Ms, in the fricking 80s, and it wasn't an issue then.

I'm unmarried and Ms.

Literally the most blatant lie I have ever heard.

Wonder why they would say that?

Was it just one, unusually thick idiot??

LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 29/03/2018 17:26

If it's company policy (why though?!!?) then email them and complain, point out that there is absolutely zero basis for this demand in law.

ShatnersBassoon · 29/03/2018 17:27

You obviously know that that's incorrect, so there's no need to be polite about it. Be assertive and tell them that they're wrong.

LadyLoveYourWhat · 29/03/2018 17:29

No of course you don't - you can use whatever social title you fancy

deedpolloffice.com/change-name/changing-your-title

snickledon · 29/03/2018 17:29

How do they know you are married?

Undercoverbanana · 29/03/2018 17:30

I always tick Mr to be awkward.

I am female but object to “titles”. It’s 2018.

Grumpyoldblonde · 29/03/2018 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsubject · 29/03/2018 17:31

ask them to point out the legal statute (all available on line) where this is shown. The ignorant queen bee will have fun finding it...

I've also been Ms since I grew out of Miss and regardless of marriage.

enjoyingscience · 29/03/2018 17:31

They are wrong. I had a very shitty little man from auto glass try to argue this with me the other day (apparently Ms is only for old women? Moron.)
deedpolloffice.com/change-name/changing-your-title

theymademejoin · 29/03/2018 17:31

Keep asking them to explain.

You have to change your title. Why?

Because you're married. Why would that mean changing my title?

To show you're married. Why does anyone need to know that?

Etc. Etc.

They'll either get fed up and leave it or they'll realise they are being ridiculous.

Grumpyoldblonde · 29/03/2018 17:32

Totally the wrong thread sorry 😁

TittyGolightly · 29/03/2018 17:33

YANBU. I had an agency want me to sign up with them. They only had Miss and Mrs as female titles. I didn’t sign.

TammyWhyNot · 29/03/2018 17:36

They will probably fall foul if some sex discrimination legislation if they try and force a ‘Mrs or no job’ situation. I would give ACAS a call on Tuesday and ask their advice,

How does this crap fester in peoples brains?

Original poster
cocobilly · 30/03/2018 14:14

Thanks everyone, lots of helpful advice. Will definitely take this further.

@snickledon - she invited me in for an informal chat about what I’m looking for, and I (unthinkingly) mentioned that I recently got married and moved to this city

@grumpyoldblonde I was wondering about that Grin

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBlonde · 30/03/2018 14:18

@cocobilly

That's Ms GrumpyOldBlonde if you please Smile

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 30/03/2018 14:23

Obviously wrong, but astonishingly prevalent. There was someone saying it on here the other day.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 30/03/2018 15:00

Tell them you've had a think about what they've said about titles and you've decided that they're right, you'll have to change it from 'Ms' now you're married. You're now Wing Commander.

Bluelady · 30/03/2018 15:04

They're talking complete bollcks. I've been Ms since 1979 and married for the last 18 years. Nobody's ever questioned it. It's on my bank account, passport, driving license and credit cards.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/03/2018 15:16

My boss tried to tell me this (along with the “fact” I had to use my husband’s last name) when I got married. I just told him it wasn’t true and he should brush up on his HR procedures. You’re in a trickier position since you (presumably) want her to take you on. ACAS could be a handy starting point. But you might also just try telling her, in a very concerned way, that she should seek legal advice because she’s opening herself up to all sorts of liability if she’s insisting on people changing the way they’re referred to or making their marital status known in an employment situation.

nocoolnamesleft · 30/03/2018 15:48

I presume any man working for them has to declare his marital status on every single piece of paperwork, email, letter etc? Because if not, they're being sexist.

deadringer · 30/03/2018 16:03

I have been married 30 years and i have never used mrs. I only use a title if i have no other option and then i use ms. They are being ridiculous.