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AIBU?

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Original poster

To call myself Ms instead of Mrs??

100 replies

cocobilly · 29/03/2018 17:20

I’m married, haven’t changed surname, use “Ms” for all correspondence. I’m starting a new job with a temp agency, and they’re telling me because I’m married, I HAVE to change my title to Mrs on all my documents (bank statements, council tax etc). Is this normal?! Don’t know what to do!

OP posts:
guinnessguzzler · 30/03/2018 16:05

They are so wrong. Tbh, if you were Mrs Cocobilly I would assume you had married in to that name. I don't know anyone who kept their name on marriage but used Mrs, to me that seems really odd. Maybe some people do but I would think it more common to keep your name and continue to use Ms/Dr/Prof/Rev/whatever. Have they never had anyone who didn't change their name on marriage before? Seems unlikely. Weirdos.

CMOTDibbler · 30/03/2018 16:14

Actually, one of my friends kept her name when she got married, but decided to change honorative from Miss to Mrs and had all kinds of problems getting the bank etc to accept that as they didn't have a form for that!

Socksey · 30/03/2018 16:20

Absolute balderdash..... I've been Miss Sockesy for 40+ years and married to a Non-Socksey for more than 10 of them and at no point have I been required to change my name or title.... except in France.... where I asked them if they were trying to insult mecbybusing a namecand title other than what I had given them....

Socksey · 30/03/2018 16:20

Sorry.... many typos

BarbaraofSevillle · 30/03/2018 16:29

To be fair to France socksey it is the norm there for all adult women to be referred to as Madame, aka Mrs.

It is simply the title for an adult woman and is nothing to do with marital status.

Far more civilised than the UK convention where it is assumed that Miss means young woman or old maid, Mrs = married and Ms is either divorced or rampant man hating lesbian trouble maker oh you're one of those are you.

Because however much we like to think it is simply a neutral female equivalent to Mr, it is far from the case with the unenlightened majority, as the idiot at the OPs recruitment agency attests.

Coldilox · 30/03/2018 17:16

I was once told Ms is only for divorced women. I'm a Ms and very happily married.

But then I am also a rampant man hating lesbian trouble maker so that explains itGrin

(Actually I quite like men. Just not naked)

eurochick · 30/03/2018 17:33

What absolute balderdash. I've been Ms since my teens, before and during marriage. I'd be asking them to justify their sexism.

Idontdowindows · 30/03/2018 17:48

They are wrong, as PPs have said, they are talking bollocks and they can't make you.

reddington · 30/03/2018 21:36

At least they know up front that you’re likely to be a complete pain in the ass and can treat you accordingly.

JoJoSM2 · 30/03/2018 21:42

Your title, your choice. And what a ridiculous comment...

KennDodd · 30/03/2018 21:48

Just bring some offical ID in with Ms, do they have titles on passports? If so bring that as IMO you can't get more prove than that.

Although, I did try to get a store card at Dorothy Perkins in the 1980s, I needed ID so took my passport, I was then told that it wasn't good enough prove of ID and asked if I had a bingo membership card instead.

Bluelady · 30/03/2018 22:03

🤣

TittyGolightly · 30/03/2018 22:05

Just bring some offical ID in with Ms, do they have titles on passports? If so bring that as IMO you can't get more prove than that.

Passports don’t have titles, no.

HarryLovesDraco · 30/03/2018 22:12

There is no official ID with titles because titles aren't official names. You can call yourself Mrs, miss, ms, mx or Mr if you really want; there is no legal basis for titles.
Don't let this lie OP it's abhorrent sexism.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 30/03/2018 22:20

Bollocks.

I'm married and have always been a Ms. Tell them to feck off

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 30/03/2018 23:13

There is no official ID with titles because titles aren't official names.

I don't know whether it's different no, but my driving licence has my title on it. I spoke to a few people, and it seems men don't have titles, but they put female titles on for women. I'm due to be renewing soon, so will be telling them to leave my title off.

Marble2302 · 30/03/2018 23:34

I tick anything. I am not being defined by my marital status it us outdated. As for Ms it is bloody awful.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 30/03/2018 23:41

They are idiots.
My mother Hmm thinks Ms means you are divorced it's quite a common stupid mistake.

Seren85 · 31/03/2018 00:00

I'm all three. Miss [pre married name] on stuff I havent bothered changing (married
3.5 years), Mrs [married name] on stuff I have so passport, NHS letters etc and Ms [married name] on work correspondence as that is my employer's standard form. Clearly there is no law on this!

DairyisClosed · 31/03/2018 00:04

I'd you mentioned that you recently got married they may have gotten confused. It's possible that they think that you intend to take the title Mrs and demand that you do so before you start with them so that you don't have to do the paperwork twice. Just explain to them that you are staying a Ms permanently. It is also possible that the person you have been speaking to is just very stupid and you may have to speak to someone else.

Jon66 · 31/03/2018 00:17

I've started using the prefix Mx. None of their business whether I'm married, single, or female.

LonginesPrime · 31/03/2018 00:20

Sounds like a breach of the equality act if they're telling you to change your name because you're married - none of their bloody business for a start!

TellOutMySoul · 31/03/2018 00:27

I think it's terrible that a woman is supposed to declare her marital status but a man doesn't have to.

I think we should ditch Mrs altogether.

Miss and Master until you're 18.
Ms and Mr for adults. Marital status is my own business.

Puffycat · 31/03/2018 00:31

This is total bollocks!
You can call yourself anything you like!
How about .......
Lady Mind Your Own Business You Total Dingle Berry Arse Face
...........the 2nd

RamblinRosie · 31/03/2018 00:32

Been married for over 35 years, never changed my surname, matter of principle, besides it was too much hassle for a single letter! I still have bank accounts addressed to Miss. I use Ms and Mrs according to whim.

Did once, admittedly years ago, have a bonkers conversation when paying for something by cheque from a joint account and was told that the cheque could not be valid as "the man's name has to be first ".....

Your title does not form a legal part of your name, so you can use whichever suits you, whenever it suits you.

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