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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To call myself Ms instead of Mrs??

100 replies

cocobilly · 29/03/2018 17:20

I’m married, haven’t changed surname, use “Ms” for all correspondence. I’m starting a new job with a temp agency, and they’re telling me because I’m married, I HAVE to change my title to Mrs on all my documents (bank statements, council tax etc). Is this normal?! Don’t know what to do!

OP posts:

OliviaStabler · 31/03/2018 17:56

They are talking crap but if you want to work through them, go with what they ask you for on their documents alone. You make a fuss over this and they'll label you a pain in the butt.

TurnipCake · 31/03/2018 18:05

I was once on a plane and the cabin crew were very relieved by my enormous arrogance outside the workplace when someone was acutely ill on board

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 31/03/2018 18:31

That says more about you than the doctors TellOut. And no, I'm not one.

TellOutMySoul · 31/03/2018 20:09

How so?

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 31/03/2018 20:11

Because it indicates you're a tit, whilst saying nothing about them.

TellOutMySoul · 31/03/2018 20:24

I understand, you want me to say more. Ok, referring to a doctor as "Dr" outside of their job (or during it actually) is merely hero worship from an age when people treated doctors like gods. It's just a job. A lot of people do important jobs. A lot of people positively impact on the lives of others. a perilous medical situation on a place can easily be dealt with by saying "is anyone a doctor" - they don't need to search the flight register to work that out. I know several doctors. I can't think of any who go by doctor socially or personally. Just at work. That seems normal to me. Therefore when someone wants to be known as "Dr Smith" outside of work, I do think it's arrogant.

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 31/03/2018 20:25

No, I had no desire for you to say more. Having seen what you wrote, I still feel that way.

TurnipCake · 31/03/2018 22:42

I stand by my original LOL, more barking here than East London

TurnipCake · 31/03/2018 22:47

aperilous medical situation on a place can easily be dealt with by saying "is anyone a doctor" - they don't need to search the flight register to work that out.

Which is what happened in my situation. I don't have Dr on my passport. In their gratitude, cabin crew upgraded my to business for the next leg, just to piss you off in years to come. The G&Ts were delicious

kimanda · 31/03/2018 22:57

Am AMAZING amount of women here - single AND married - use the title MS for their name... and yet I don't know a single female in real life who uses MS.

Funny that.

And why the hell do MARRIED women use MS? Are you embarrassed that you're married?

This site makes me cringe sometimes........

Original poster

cocobilly · 31/03/2018 23:14

@kimanda its not about being embarrassed to be married (which I’m definitely not). I just don’t see why women should be expected to declare their marital status and not men, especially in a professional context where frankly it’s irrelevant! To me, Ms is the equivalent of Mr for men, as it is neutral and doesn’t indicate marital status

OP posts:

Grumpyoldblonde · 31/03/2018 23:17

I know very few women who don't use Ms kimanda

RhinestoneCowgirl · 31/03/2018 23:20

But @kimanda my DH doesn't use a different title to tell the world that he's married - is he embarrassed?

Yep, I've been a Ms since I opened my first bank account as a teenager, and didn't change name on marriage.

LivLemler · 31/03/2018 23:29

I took DH's name when we married, but I use Ms. I don't see why my martial status would be given away when his wouldn't in the same scenario.

Willthisdoo · 31/03/2018 23:34

I’m married but kept my surname and use Ms. I barely know anyone who kept their surname or uses Ms. Like others have said, why should my title give away my marital status when my husband’s doesn’t? It has absolutely nothing to do with being embarrassed to be married, which is frankly a ridiculous suggestion.

LadyLoveYourWhat · 01/04/2018 00:23

I'm not embarrassed to be married, kimanda, I wear a lovely gold band on my finger for the whole world to see (as does my husband) but I am also proud to be me, with my very own name. I don't actually think of myself as having a title at all and would rather we got rid of them altogether, the Quakers have the right idea.

TellOutMySoul · 01/04/2018 00:31

I was once on a plane and the cabin crew were very relieved by my enormous arrogance outside the workplace when someone was acutely ill on board

I don't have Dr on my passport

Your posts contradict each other. My arrogance comment was about going by the title of Dr when you're not at work.

You don't

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 01/04/2018 09:13

I'd have assumed kimanda's post was an early and shit attempt at an April Fools, but she has previous. With that in mind..

Am AMAZING amount of women here - single AND married - use the title MS for their name... and yet I don't know a single female in real life who uses MS.

Funny that.

And why the hell do MARRIED women use MS? Are you embarrassed that you're married?

This site makes me cringe sometimes........

YES, it's funny IN that it shows what LIMITED circles you must move IN.

Yet another THING to feel sorry FOR you ABOUT, along with your husband APPARENTLY being embarrassed that he's MARRIED to you what with HIM not using A TITLE to show it, and your TENDENCY to MERAIL.

TurnipCake · 01/04/2018 09:57

Your posts contradict each other. My arrogance comment was about going by the title of Dr when you're not at work.

Sigh. To break it down

I don't have Dr on my passport because the consulate I get it from is so freaking inept, they put the wrong name in my passport twice in my lifetime. To take my medical certificate to them and trust them to get it right is not a chance I am willing to take.

For everything else; credit cards, bookings, my general day to day stuff, it's Dr, otherwise Ms if Dr is not available. Miss on my passport and yes very contradictory now that I'm married, no I don't care

For the flight, cabin crew asked if there was a doctor on board. I got up and asked if I could be of any assistance. They pointed me in the direction of a grey-looking woman with chest pain. She was ok in the end.

VeronicaLodge · 01/04/2018 10:14

And why the hell do MARRIED women use MS? Are you embarrassed that you're married?

Not THE brightest SPARK are YOU?

Idontdowindows · 01/04/2018 10:26

And why the hell do MARRIED women use MS? Are you embarrassed that you're married?

No, it's because we are our own person and we get to decide what we are called and how we are addressed.

The 1950s called and want their opinions back.

BeeFarseer · 01/04/2018 10:31

Well, I use MS because I BELIEVE that my MARITAL STATUS is no-one's BUSINESS.

I'm only embarrassed I'm married when my husband farts loudly in public and tries to blame me.

Fibbertigibbet · 01/04/2018 10:31

I'm a Ms. and married. I'm also now in my mid 20s and got married in my early 20s. It's shocking just how many people ignore my title on documents- if the person knows I am married, they will put Mrs. and if they don't due to my age I get Miss. Even though I am Ms. on all of my paperwork, and even though I have been a Ms. certainly for the entirety of my married life, and for a few year beforehand. It's not fair that I should have to declare my marital status to everyone, and if it were up to me, the options with just be Mr., Ms., Mx.

Fibbertigibbet · 01/04/2018 10:37

Also, in response to TellOut, I'm not a Dr. yet, but I will be soon. I intend to use the title. It's not arrogance, I worked bloody hard for it. Also, if you are a medical doctor and go by Mr./Ms./Mrs. then it implies you are a fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons- something I have not earned, and do not intend to work towards. Using Dr. is a factual account of my status, using Ms. would make me a surgeon.

HarryLovesDraco · 01/04/2018 11:14

@kimanda I wasn't embarrassed to be married but I'm embarrassed by you!

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