To wonder if many parents actually do lie about their baby's sleeping habits?

[ethelfleda]

I read an article this morning that said many parents choose to lie about their baby's sleep habits because of pressure from a society that expects babies to 'sleep through' from a very young age.

I have also heard a number of mothers of small babies say the same - that people are probably exaggerating just how well their baby sleeps.

I'm not sure whether people are not telling the entire truth or whether their interpretation of sleeping through is different. I know that 5 hours is classed as sleeping through- and many parents may say their baby has hit this milestone because they only wake for two - three feeds and go straight back down afterwards.

Apparently, it is perfectly normal for a child to still not be sleeping a full solid 8 hours or more until they are 12 months old. I know that western culture in general seems to place a huge value on sleep habits so I wonder if people do feel pressured in to exaggerating the truth a little? Or am I just incredibly bitter that 8 haven't slept for more than a few hours at a time since DS (5mo) was born? After all, when someone says their baby slept through from 7 weeks, all I can think is that
surely they would need to wake to feed at such a young age??

Excuse my terrible grammar etc
I find I am not as articulate as most on here (plus - am sleep deprived )

I used to be vague about it as I couldn’t be arsed with the ‘she’s still waking at night?’ Not lying as such, just sick of being asked (mainly by MIL).

I'm sure people lie or are economical with what they tell others.

All 3 of mine are really good sleepers though, oldest DS (2.5 years old) does not wake at all and hasn’t since about 6 months. DD does not wake at all. Youngest DS ( 4 months) wakes 2 times per night at about 10pm & 3am then straight back to sleep.

I find it odd that people asssume if your baby sleeps you must be lying I mean all babies are different. I’m sure some people do lie just as they do about little Johnny liking kale when really his fav is fish fingers and chips but some babies really do sleep.

A lot of people classify sleeping through as sleeping the same amount of time that the parents do so it can be as little as 6 hours.

Both my kids were waking up at night at least once until they were 2. Even nearly 2 decades ago most people were claiming theirs were sleeping through the night at 6-8 months.
Then I learned that the youngest child sleeps in the room furthest from their parents with all doors closed....

8 weeks and 12 weeks. That's when mine starting sleeping for 8 hours. After the first night the slept through every night.

I was the only one of my friends with babies who had this experience so I did think it was unusual. If anything I was tempted to lie the other way.

I think it's perfectly possible some parents lie about how well their children sleep, or at least enjoy "showing off" about it. I was always a bit abashed about my kids sleeping and felt the need to balance it with stories about the nightmare I had with weening and eating in general.

Good was a no-no word among my friends. We hated the terms good baby good sleeper etc. It was a very supportive friendship group. I think I was really lucky.

That is such a stupid thing to lie about.

There seemed to be a lot of mums of sleeping through the night babies at the baby groups I went to, and I guess that's the environment I would have expected to hear the most honest answers in. IDK. One of my girls slept through at about 8 months and probably would have gone earlier but her twin sister was still taking a bottle at 3am so I'd give her one too so she slept through till 7 instead of waking up starving at 6am.

All the sleep training stuff that I read said that if a baby has a sleep association like feeding to sleep then they will need it at the start of every sleep cycle - every 90 minutes - and if it's just one or two wakings in the night and a straightforward feed and then straight back to sleep, it's genuine hunger. Which is not to say that you can't work on cutting it out by gradually reducing the amount. Not that that worked particularly well for us - we got it down to 30ml water/30ml milk and she stuck at that till we went cold turkey with her at 13 months.

It's the opposite for me and people do think I am lying as I genuinely did have a baby that slept through. She was EBF and slept a solid 6 hours from 6 days old. By 3 months, she was sleeping for 12 hours with a 10.30pm feed. By 6 months she was sleeping for 14 hours with no feeds. And she still had 3 naps in the day. Yet I get ridiculed when I say this.

I've done the same as Green but in reverse - my first slept 8pm - 5am from 11 weeks and didn't really have any regressions. She was bottle fed which may make a difference. But we lived in a country where this was absolutely NOT the norm (bottle feeding was the norm but babies/children didn't go to bed earlier than parents, and many co-slept for several years). I found myself being vague because if people asked about her sleep and I told the truth, the reaction was either horror or total disbelief (as in - you are definitely lying!). I can easily imagine how in countries where there is a lot of pressure re 'sleeping through' people might be vague/exaggerate etc.

I would say my DD nearly two mostly sleeps through but which I mean she has no milk durring the night and stays in bed. We cosleep and she frequently wakes for more cuddles or some times to chat

Both of my dcs did really sleep through: 1 at 10 weeks , the other at 7 weeks. By sleep through i mean from the 10 pm feed until around 8 am next morning. Just how they were. Never exaggerated the truth and never did know people who would honestly tell how it was with sleep patterns

no, I have never lied.

dc1 was an amazing sleeper, he slept from 11pm to 6 am at about 6 weeks.

dc2 woke every hour throught he night until she was 6 months and then in exhaustion I only offered water instead of boob and she went to sleeping 7-7 in 2 nights.

dc3 woke for 3 hourly feeds, and dropped the 1 am one at around 2 months and then the 4 am one. By 6 months she hardly woke in the night when I was in bed (ie 11-7) But she continued to wake up occasionally right through until she was 4/5.

Mine were all bf and I do wonder if they were ff if that woudl have made any difference either way?

I know a lot of bf parents who sleep with baby and they latch on/off through the night. I didn't do that at I have big fluffy pillows and a thick duvet and I was always too scared to co-sleep. In my experience, amny non western cultures sleep with the baby and do the same latch on/off thing, so they are less bothered about the definitionof 'through the night?'

Same but opposite.
Mine have all been good sleepers (10/12 hours from about 6/8 weeks), so i've always felt a bit awkward in the company of a room full of mums talking about sleep deprivation.

The way i deal with it is fudge through it by nodding along unless someone specifically asks.

Interesting. The honest truth with us is that DS has his last night feed 8pm (which lasts about 45 mins some nights!) And wakes up just before 6am... some nights he will wake up for a feed every 2 hours and some nights he will only wake up twice. He usually always goes straight back to sleep afterwards.
I think I find the fact that many babies don't sleep through before 12 months quite comforting and that it's normal!
But I agree that it seems a silly thing to lie about!

I do think bottle feeding makes a difference.

I switched to bottle feeding youngest at 8 weeks and he slept through the night immediately. I felt a bit guilty like I was drugging him or something but the sleep was glorious.

I know people who’ve lied because they either felt ashamed theirs wasn’t sleeping, or didn’t want to handle the unsolicited advice you get when you have a terrible sleeper. I never outright lied but I did fudge it (“oh yeah, sleeps fine”).

But also, I know people who say “slept through” but don’t count waking up for feeds. So they’re not lying, they just don’t define it as I would.

I did used to fudge the truth with my first, he didn't sleep till 18m - and I was surrounded by great sleepers! With my second I was more upfront and told everyone that asked how often she woke up (a lot) - she slept through at 21m - the third, she did 5 hours at 4m, 7 hours at 9m. She doesn't sleep through consistently at 11m but does OK. First was ff, second two bf. So for me, I just grow frequent wakers. Ime, some lie, some are honest, for both ways, having a frequent waker isn't always something you want to admit (you might get unwanted advice) and having a sleeper can mean you look smug! I guess it's a minefield.

I don’t know about others but I certainly never lied. I had 2 brilliant sleepers and one shitty sleeper. People were absolutely obsessed with my shitty sleeper and offered all kinds of unsolicited advice. Whereas I just fed him in my sleep and wasn’t remotely bothered. People are so funny about babies and sleep.

I don't think people lie, but I think they have different interpretations of sleeping through.

Mine doesn't 'sleep through' as in 12 hours straight, but it's usually just the one dream feed before we go to bed. Using the 5 hours definition, she's been sleeping through since 5 weeks. What makes a difference though, is generally, night feeds take around 5-10 mins, and the straight back to sleep, so the disruption was pretty minimal anyway, whereas some babies seen to stay awake a lot during the night, which must be harder.

I've always felt a bit out of place with sleep deprived parents. I genuinely sleep more now than any time in my adult life.

People definitely exaggerate. Lots of people I know with babies say their baby sleeps through yet so often I get messages saying "oh I had such a bad night with LO, awake loads" etc. Maybe their baby sleeps through sometimes but certainly not always or even regularly. I have always had a rubbish sleeper and we are now down to 2 wake ups at 9.5 months (bar last week which was hell due to teething and a cold) which I'm happy with as I get enough sleep around these times. I do tell judgey people he is sleeping 'well' (implying he sleeps through) as otherwise I feel pressured to sleep train, which isn't for me personally so I would rather avoid the conversation.

In my experience of baby groups it’s probably a good thing people are willing to lie when they’re feeling fragile and sleep deprived, or a lot more fights would break out. I know I came close to clobbering someone with a Sofie the Giraffe while yelling “WHERE’S YOUR ROUTINE NOW???” a couple of times.

Both my bottle fed children slept 7 to 7 from an early age (8 and 10 weeks).

But, back then we taught to be very routined from birth. No sleeping out of time scale, no feeding out of time scales and no feeding if they had previously dropped a feed during the night. It was very regimented and cold to a point.

even on htis thread pp have said - sleeps through from x-y with just one feed, and others have definied it as the time between feeds.

Now to me, sleeping through means without feeds. All mine did 7-7 from very very early, as from the second week or so we did bath and put them down (even if in same room as us) at 7. But they all then woke for feeds.

None of mine have ever woken up and played/talked/refused to sleep in the night (which would be soul destroying) they have just woken for milk and gone back to sleep.

But as I was bf and I found the broken sleep of waking to feed exhausting, I counted through the night as meaning they stay asleep for that time. (so I can stay asleep!)