To wonder if many parents actually do lie about their baby's sleeping habits?

[ethelfleda]

I read an article this morning that said many parents choose to lie about their baby's sleep habits because of pressure from a society that expects babies to 'sleep through' from a very young age.

I have also heard a number of mothers of small babies say the same - that people are probably exaggerating just how well their baby sleeps.

I'm not sure whether people are not telling the entire truth or whether their interpretation of sleeping through is different. I know that 5 hours is classed as sleeping through- and many parents may say their baby has hit this milestone because they only wake for two - three feeds and go straight back down afterwards.

Apparently, it is perfectly normal for a child to still not be sleeping a full solid 8 hours or more until they are 12 months old. I know that western culture in general seems to place a huge value on sleep habits so I wonder if people do feel pressured in to exaggerating the truth a little? Or am I just incredibly bitter that 8 haven't slept for more than a few hours at a time since DS (5mo) was born? After all, when someone says their baby slept through from 7 weeks, all I can think is that
surely they would need to wake to feed at such a young age??

I think all babies are just different, and of course we have varying approaches to sleep (training, co-sleeping etc). I have friends who were perfectly happy feeding during the night and others who were desperate for unbroken sleep and who needed to train for their own sanity. As others have said, waking just for a feed is different from waking for playtime etc! And there is definitely luck and the nature of the child to contend with, just as there is with eating.

I remember telling my husband REPEATEDLY that just because our first slept 9 hours straight from very little, it didn't mean the second would! As it happens he sleeps well but I am very aware it could have been different, and we do a 'top-up' feed when we go to bed otherwise he wouldn't go through (he's 7 months), which we never did for our first.

I also think it may be a generational thing that we have yet to shake... far fewer parents now 'train' babies to sleep in the same way they would have 30 years ago, and far fewer use controlled crying. Yet we still expect (or hope!) our babies will sleep for long periods, which they often don't. Even though I think I'm really lucky my baby sleeps from about 7-10pm, quick feed then down til morning (6 or 7 am) my mother still thinks we should drop the late evening feed...because he 'should sleep through' by now. But I'm not bothered in the slightest, we have much more sleep than many other parents of small children, and I KNOW HE WON'T SLEEP FROM 7-7!!

I didn’t lie, my dd was a shit sleeper and I made sure everyone knew the suffering I was going through. It was utter hell until she turned about 6.
Was pleased for any friends whose babies slept through though because I was well aware of how utterly debilitating 3 broken hours of sleep a night for a prolonged period could be.

Me too, Mari50. DS (who will be 8 this year), didn't sleep through until he was 7, and even then would wake a few times a week. And at 5am. And for two years he woke at 4am.

It nearly killed us, and it's the reason we only have one child. Prolonged sleep deprivation is the worst thing I have ever dealt with, and was a major factor in my ongoing PND.

So no, I couldn't lie if I wanted to, it was blatant to everyone by how we looked that it was a living nightmare.

I don't think anyone on this thread has done so, but it always seems smug when parents explain their DC sleep through the night. I am probably really sensitve as I have a terrible sleeper!

It is interesting to read there are a lot of different definitions of what going through the night means. I personally class it as the parent not waking up from either 6-6 or 7-7

parent not waking up from either 6-6 or 7-7

Do you mean the parent not having to wake up, or the child going 2 hours? The parent isn't going to go from 6-6, 7-7...

I don't think parents lie, I do think some over-egg the pudding and I definitely think that anyone whose baby sleeps through the night ought to smile sympathetically and say nothing when faced with a parent whose child has been up 47 times since midnight and who currently has jam in her hair.

DS1 slept like a dream baby. He just knew what he was supposed to do. DS2 came along and slept only when he felt like it (which was never) and even then for mere moments at a time before waking and laughing like a drain at the exhaustion and despair taking over his family. I'm less tolerant of smug parents now that I know the sheer horror of the non-sleeping child.

I didn't lie but I viewed d's as sleeping through when he didn't wake for milk. He used to commando crawl up the bed once he was on his tummy from 5 ish months and cry to be put back, so I would wake and move him and he would go back to sleep. I called this sleeping through.

Later I discussed with some other mums and not all would have called this sleeping through!

I can say I have not really lied but have been short with the truth. DS started sleeping through at 4 months old but since 7 months he wakes for a night feed about 5/7 nights a week. The feed is very swift and can happen at anytime between 10.30pm and 5.00am. So when people ask "does he sleep through" or "is he a good sleeper" I always respond with "yes".

However there some nights were he is a nightmare but usually just before he cuts a tooth or is constipated. I find I don't really talk about these unless I am a complete zombie at work and I just want to offer an apology for all my yawning.

Pah! The bags under my eyes and my complete inability to focus on anything for the first 7 months of DD2 would have given me away in an instant!

I became tempted to lie about DD1, but in the reverse. She was such a brilliant sleeper that I worried everyone would hate me. I only gave a full answer on this to anyone way beyond baby rearing!

Both of mine were pretty good sleepers from early on but have been an absolute pain in just about everything else since then! bloody teenagers!

Sometimes i think it depends when you ask people; my DD has had periods of great sleep and periods of awful sleep. I do think people remember it wrongly looking back sometimes

I don't know.

I never have though.

DD1 really didn't sleep 'normally' due to silent reflux.

With DD2, my focus was on breastfeeding on demand until she was 2 so I looked on the night wakings until then as very positive in that regard. Still hard to live with though especially for the second year as mat leave is over. Combining work and 5/6 disruptions a night is a challenge. I am in awe of women who can bf on demand beyond 2 years.

She started sleeping 7pm-6am at about 3 years which I think is closer to a normal pattern. Only bf at bed and first thing in the morning.

My DD slept literally 12 hrs through the rye night from 8 weeks, I could not BF doe medical reasons, was given no advice about bottle feeding, has read an article prior to giving birth that routine was met and bottle feeds should be every 4 hours, so if DD cried between feeds (which she didn’t much really) it would never occur to me to feed her, it’s seems to have very quickly established a routine for her and even now 10 years later she can literally sleep 10\12 hrs per night! I can not describe the shock of sleep deprivation, I was totally unpreparedness and just simply had no idea, I don’t think I could have survived more than the 8 weeks I had and hats off to those I hear suffer for 1, 2 even 3 years, but I also believe it doesn’t need to get that bad.

Mine genuinely slept through from 10 weeks. 10pm -7am. Now sleeps from 7-7 10 months.hage another on the way and am worried I'll get a bad sleeper this time!

Mine are good sleepers but I don’t think a child can be expected to sleep through. I don’t sleep through they generally go to bed between 7-8 and wake up 12 hours later, but at 5 and 2 I still get the odd call in the night for a drink/wee/dropped teddy.

I lied to anyone who was prone to offering " advice" or criticism. My first was a very poor sleeper and I had to put him in a different room very early for my own sanity, and I lied about that. My second was a good sleeper but kept waking up for cuddles and company so she slept with me until she was going to school , and I lied about that too!! Depends on who I was talking to I suppose.

It really does depend on what people think through the night means?
To me, it’s 7pm - 7am with no noise. My mum always claims she never did a night feed with me which I was pretty unhappy about when my daughter was still waking for a night feed at 6+ months old but recently found that her definition was last feed at 10 or 11pm and awake at 6 am.

My daughter slept through the night 7pm-6am from about 9months up until 23 months and then became a nightmare again (waking 4 times a night)

DS slept through from 8 week but when people ask how I did it I always say it was pure luck. Nothing else just absolute luck. I firmly believe that

Some babies genuinely do sleep through from a young age, I was one of them. I’m not sure why anyone would lie about it but I hate it when people seemingly brag about it. I remember feeling overly emotional when I had DD and someone I knew was bragging that her DS who was around the same age was already sleeping through. I felt like an absolutely terrible parent, a failure of sorts. Of course I realise now it was a really bizarre thing to brag about and that I was being very silly getting upset about it but it was very grating at the time.

I don’t understand why anyone would lie, and if anyone assumed I was lying I’d think they were a bit odd at not being able to understand that all babies are different.
My DS is 16wks tomorrow. He slept for a solid 6hrs overnight from being a week old and now sleeps for 10hrs. He’s never really fed in the night and we haven’t needed to wake him to feed as he’s gaining weight really well and is on the 75th centile.
We’ve done nothing at all to facilitate this sleeping, we’ve just been very lucky! He also has 3-4 decent naps during the day.

MaryShelley - people sometimes lie because they feel like sleep should be within their control and therefore they’re bad parents if their baby’s not sleeping. Or sometimes because they don’t want to hear unsolicited advice about what they’re doing wrong!

Why on earth would people lie?

Cannot see any point or gain to lying.

I don't think people lie about it. Several friends have more than one child and I've heard them moan about lack of sleep with one and the slight brag about following dc sleeping through. I love having a good moan about how little sleep i have some nights

Depends what people class as sleeping through. I class it as them dropping a bottle. My 7 m sleeps 11-6 then back down till 9/10.

I have 3 children under 5 and I haven’t a clue when any of them started sleeping through the night.

How do people remember this stuff??