To wonder if many parents actually do lie about their baby's sleeping habits?

[ethelfleda]

I read an article this morning that said many parents choose to lie about their baby's sleep habits because of pressure from a society that expects babies to 'sleep through' from a very young age.

I have also heard a number of mothers of small babies say the same - that people are probably exaggerating just how well their baby sleeps.

I'm not sure whether people are not telling the entire truth or whether their interpretation of sleeping through is different. I know that 5 hours is classed as sleeping through- and many parents may say their baby has hit this milestone because they only wake for two - three feeds and go straight back down afterwards.

Apparently, it is perfectly normal for a child to still not be sleeping a full solid 8 hours or more until they are 12 months old. I know that western culture in general seems to place a huge value on sleep habits so I wonder if people do feel pressured in to exaggerating the truth a little? Or am I just incredibly bitter that 8 haven't slept for more than a few hours at a time since DS (5mo) was born? After all, when someone says their baby slept through from 7 weeks, all I can think is that
surely they would need to wake to feed at such a young age??

I've had two babies, neither slept through until they were about a year.
My four week old current sleeps 1am-3am feed 4-5 feed 5.30-8.30am feed and then daytime routine. During the day he sleeps a lot, but the awake times are getting longer.

My two were very good sleepers from the start, but to sure didn't last! I felt the need to exaggerate with DD as I was embarrassed and assumed her sleep going crap was my fault somehow.

When DS stopped sleeping through around 1 years old, I was honest and I still am. But with him I was much more confident it wasn't my fault. I think parents are worried they're doing something wrong so lie a little.

All three of mine have been different and I've never lied. Dd 1 has always been both a night owl and early bird. Sleeps well once she's gone but doesn't seem to need a lot. Dd2 was exhausting, she's 3 now and only been sleeping through regularly the past few months. She woke at least twice in the night up until age 1 and then for about 2 years after woke once or twice every night. Often for the toilet though so I can't complain really as she was dry at night from 20months old. Her waking made me very sleep deprived though in the first year. DS has slept through since a few weeks old, I thought babies like him were a myth, I truly didn't think babies did that but yep, he sleeps 7.30-7ish every single night. If he doesn't sleep through it's coz he's unwell or having a bad time with teeth and those nights are rare

Apparently, it is perfectly normal for a child to still not be sleeping a full solid 8 hours or more until they are 12 months old.
A lot older than that I think!
Mine is nearly two and actually sleep has improved and he will often do a good 4 hour stint before waking regularly but 8 hours?! And I don’t think his sleep is particularly concerning.

I never lied because I never wanted to contribute to this stupid myth that STTN is biologically normal so young.

My MIL insisted that all babies slept through a full 8 hours right from the word go - I laughed and FIL had a face like thunder.

First the nurses then him and her family had done all the night feeds as she'd had such a rough birth - she'd forgotten or not known and never has another baby to compare against.

They told everyone how "good" ours were sleeping through really early as they heard nothing when they stopped over - we bf co-slept - so only person being disturbed was me who was right there with food. Even DH in same room and later with older babies same bed didn't always know how much they'd been up.

I've never lied. I had 2 on complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

With the sleeper I kept it to myself in case people thought I was being smug and/or lying.

With the non sleeper, you'd get competitive non sleepers and I would have hoards of people with a 13mth old smugly tell me that 'they get there in their own time' not the best thing to say to someone who has had 3 years broken sleep. And I got told to both let her cry and that if I let her cry I was an awful mother, despite the effect it was having on me.

I agree though with others that say people have different definitions.

I had a baby that didn't sleep. It pushed me to the brink of insanity. I am still to this day (6 yrs later) quite clearly jealous of people who's babies sleep through. My little mind says that they are probabably cold parents that ignore the baby more! I know that's absolute nonsense and I'd never admit in real life but I think it's my way of coping with what is probably the most difficult thing I've ever done. I can know the best parents in the world but if they tell me their baby sleeps through this jealous green eyed monster in my brain will try to pull them apart abut for the audacity of having such luck. Embarrassing to admit 😳 Now I've written it down I really ought to try and let that go...

The HV told me I could say baby was sleeping through as soon as baby slept for 4 hours straight.
DD was sleeping through the nigth a bit before 3 months but she soon reverted back and is still not always sleeping through all the time at over 2.
Of course I lied, not worth the hassle of having to defend why I am breastfeeding, co-sleeping, won't let her cry it out, etc... I don't lie to everyone though, mostly doctors, family and nursery.

I lied, but the other way round

In truth My daughter slept 12 hours 7am-7pm from about 14 weeks old and never hadn’t any ‘sleep regressions’

Everyone around me was up all night and sleep deprived so i lied so they wouldn’t hate me!

When I say sleeping through, I mean about 9-10 hours uninterrupted sleep, not just 4 hours.

I wish I was exaggerating with DDs sleep pattern. She slept for 2 hours a night from birth through to age around 10/11. As a teenager she slept around 4 hours a night usually between 1am and 5am. As a young adult she now sleeps between 5am and 7am except at the weekend when she will lie in until 8/9am.

One of my DS has genuinely slept between 11pm and 7am from birth
and as a young teenager he now sleeps from 11pm through to most likely 3pm if I don't get him up.

2 completely different sides of the sleeping spectrum. Both exhausting for different reasons.

One of the DGM I met through groups said her two DS never slept through till they started school. After that they were fine there were no issues other than not sleeping which she said was awful.

Her DGC was already two and half and looking to be similar - they were hoping nursery would have a similar effect.

I don't know why anyone would lie about this, TBH. Parenting is so hard anyway without glossing over the bits that you're struggling with.

My DD first slept through at 4 months - the first night we put her in a proper cotbed in her own room. She'd been a terrible wriggler & didn't have enough space in the crib, so she would always wake up, jammed against the bars. In the cotbed, it was less of an issue so she slept through about 5 nights out of 7. But, she was horrible to actually get to sleep in the first place - it wasn't until she was at least 4 that we could put her down to sleep & leave the room with her still awake. We had tried everything & were exhausted as we could never get an early night. She would also continually come & get into our bed & as we were so tired we wouldn't even wake up, so we'd have a disturbed night & be even more tired. She could scream for hours & would still be sobbing in her sleep for a good half hour despite constant cuddling. Nothing worked to calm her. In the end we got a single bed & coslept with her as she dropped off, & if she woke in the night, to get her used to it. She's much better now & really settled. It was a bloody long battle though.

I definitely lie at work, I say they sleep wonderfully, which is far from the truth. Don't want people thinking I'm running on no sleep and ineffective.

I'd honestly say that Most people experience some bouts of good sleep and bad sleeping periods - my DD slept 11-13 hours from 3.5 months old but it got worse again and she was dreadful to get off to sleep. The first 3.5 months though she literally had 4 hours a night - it was bloody awful! I nearly cracked in two I was so tired and husband was useless

DS was my second child and he was fine getting off to sleep but woke up at least once or twice a night TIL he was way over 2 years old

IME I have 'lied' and said DC have slept through purely because I don't want to bore people with the ins and outs of our households sleeping habits when more often than not they're just asking to make conversation!

I do. To my in laws. They would think it’s terribly unusual for my 6 week old to need 2-3 night feeds. It’s just what he needs, a bit of tiredness doesn’t really matter to me it’s just what happens when you have a baby. Could do without hearing how sil’s went through from 8 weeks though so I don’t tell them.

No point in lying. Our eldest still woke once a night at 5y. He hated going to sleep and still argues at 9y old about bed time.

Our youngest never wakes during the night unless he's unwell. He loves his sleep since he was born. And used to sleep 22-23hrs a day when little, feeding and nappy changes happened while asleep. He is 1.5m shy of 2y and can easily still have a 3hr nap.

DS wasn’t a good sleeper at any time and I was always honest about that at mothers groups. When I had DTs and took them along for the first time I was surprised how everyone’s faces fell when I said they were both sleeping through at 4 months (which they were). There were a few “well be prepared because that won’t last” comments with knowing looks. Then they lost interest. I realised for some people the mothers group is about supporting each other through drama and if you don’t have drama they just don’t find it very interesting/engaging. That’s what it’s like here anyway. Everyone’s friendly enough on a normal day but they thrive when they can be giving advice and hand holding.

People lie the other way too! Dsis was always saying she'd been "up all night" with her baby, or he had slept terribly, when the reality was he woke once for a feed between 8pm and 6am from a young age. When he was two he'd wake up at six ready for the day and she'd bf and shush him until he fell back to sleep, and classify that as a night feed. I would have probably not cared except my child the same age was up at 1,3 and 5 without fail every night until she was 2.5, I was on my knees with tiredness but was expected to be a sympathetic ear about her lack of sleep

Whenthereshope Oh God that's me. Right in the middle of it now (actually have a current thread in the sleep forum) and a part of me is gutted every time someone has a good sleeper. I think it's because it does feel like my fault and I wonder what I'm doing wrong that 2-3 hours sleep a night is still a regular occurrence :(

I've never lied, but I have found it a conversation stopper when I tell people how badly DS sleeps. I think they see the crazy eyes desperation and mentally back away slowly . . .

I don't lie, my dd slept through 12 hours from about 5 months (apart from teething and being unwell etc), but I find that I don't like to tell other mums at baby groups that because they all seem to be struggling with sleep and I don't want to seem like I'm showing off!

I think it's almost impossible to know how well other kids sleep, as others have said, some people will say "slept through" meaning 5 or 6 hours, others will be talking about 8-10 hours; one parent's "up all night" is another's good night's sleep!

Both mine have been terrible sleepers, DD1 didn't sleep through the night til she was 3, and then it was a once off... she didn't sleep through regularly til 3.5-4ish? I'd call 'sleeping through' going from about 10/11pm through to 6-7am. DD2 still wakes multiple times a night at 3.5. I've never lied about it because I want as much sympathy as possible for my nearly 7 years of sleepless nights

My 4 month old genuinely does sleep from 7-6 and has done for a while now. I am really grateful that she does but I'm always a bit embarrassed to mention it if anyone asks at baby groups, especially when I know lots of people have it so tough and are knackered. I tend to sway the other way and act like her sleeping patterns are worse than they are!

I never minded people whose babies slept well saying so (as long as they weren’t giving advice!). Gave me some hope that any future DC might sleep as well