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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think boarding school is the answer to everything teenage-related?

96 replies

IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 19:51

That's about it. I have a Y11 son at boarding school. He is at home now, "revising" for GCSEs. I don't know what he is really doing in his bedroom. But I trust it has all in essence been done at school (had his report today, with good grades predicted. As a result, I now know which subjects he is doing). All the growing up, teenage crap etc has been thoroughly outsourced. I love it.

Disclaimer: I am a SAHM and hadn't spent a single minute away from the DC until DS went to school in Year 1 (skipped Reception, as I didn't see the need for it). Indeed, I spent in total 8 years at home with small people. So I have not had a history of outsourcing children.

My others are at day schools, sadly.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 27/03/2018 19:54

Your child, up to you. Not sure I want to 'outsource' my child's formative years, personally.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/03/2018 19:56

What is your point exactly?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 27/03/2018 19:58

Skipped reception as didn't see the point! Ok

Hoppinggreen · 27/03/2018 19:58

Well it seems to solve the “can’t be arsed parent my own child” issue

Lovestonap · 27/03/2018 19:58

weird post.
I judge people for sending their kids to boarding school

Shadow1986 · 27/03/2018 19:59

Skipped reception?! Really, I didn’t know you could do that?

LineysRun · 27/03/2018 20:00

You didn't know what subjects he was doing till you got today's report?

Right oh.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 27/03/2018 20:01

Strictly speaking they don't have to start until they're 5, but I would imagine going straight into year 1 would be tricky socially.

Creambun2 · 27/03/2018 20:01

Stealth boast post of the day award for OP.

Olivebrach · 27/03/2018 20:02

I find this sad tbh. Why have children if your going to 'outsource' a major part of their life...?

Gunna have to disagree.

Mydoghatesthebath · 27/03/2018 20:03

I don’t judge you as I couldn’t really give a shit about how you parent. If you and your kids are happy it’s not our business is it? What’s the point of your post?

We had 6 kids and they came home every night. Usual teenage highs and lows but nothing too bad.

All fine upstanding adults now.

My only question to you would be why did you skip reception class and don’t you miss him when he’s away?

SparklyMagpie · 27/03/2018 20:04

I couldn't imagine offloading my son and not having any idea about what he's learning,how can you even take an interest?

How do they learn about life if they don't bloody have one

Nah thanks

PinkDaffodil2 · 27/03/2018 20:04

Glad you love it, sounds like it’s wokring great for you.
Not much info in your post about how it is for your son though so can’t really comment.

HagueBlue2018 · 27/03/2018 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mydoghatesthebath · 27/03/2018 20:05

Sorry you didn’t know what subjects he was doing??? So you essentially don’t know his interests.

Wow that’s a bit sad. For your son.

OddBoots · 27/03/2018 20:05

I am sure it works for some people but it wouldn't work for me. My dd came out as a lesbian last year, for her to have to go through that living somewhere away and without family love and support would break my heart.

As hard as the teenage years are dh and I are the ones that the children have spoken to when they have worries and upsets, ds is at university now but having him home it's great to catch up with him, something we can do because we are used to chatting about anything and everything.

oldbirdy · 27/03/2018 20:06

I went to boarding school. Loved it.

It seriously damaged my closeness with my parents and I don't think that relationship properly recovered until I had my own children. My mother barely knew me during my most formative years.

My kids will not board.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 27/03/2018 20:06

There is a lot of teenage crap, I agree, but there are also windows of loveliness and laughter and shared things, which keep you going. Plus their mates popping in and emptying the fridge, chatting to me about their lives, they're all bloody interesting!

I think you've missed out on an awful lot OP.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 27/03/2018 20:07

Having a boarder doesn't mean you outsource your children, you are talking bollocks. If that thread was remotely genuine, then your child would be lucky to have escape his home.

GothMummy · 27/03/2018 20:07

I loved my time at boarding school. It certainly works well for some children. Others might hate it of course. If your son is happy, that's great!

pallisers · 27/03/2018 20:07

you are certainly unusual among boarding school parents. Most of them are at pains to point out that it didn't result in All the growing up, teenage crap etc has been thoroughly outsourced. at all.

You also seem to have an odd idea of childrearing - even if you spend every waking moment with your children until age 9, you still need to be present and a parent at age 14. I don't think you can do extra effort at one stage so you can slack off at another. relationships generally don't work like that (oh for god's sake mildred, I was nice to you for the first 10 years of marriage, don't I get a fucking break now)

But I suspect you are just hopping the ball and looking for a reaction and you are as hopelessly, nailbitingly, hoveringly, involved in your middle class child's success at school and life as the rest of your peers. It is just like the "I didn't do any study for my exams" that people said in school.

PlagiarismAndTheCuckoo · 27/03/2018 20:09

Can't help thinking that boarding school is probably the answer from the point of view of a lot of teenagers, too. Not all, but a lot.

More time with friends.
Less commuting.
An entire massive environment geared around them and their needs.
No stupid parents who think they know things.

From what I remember of teenagerhood, this could all be very tempting.

MikeWyzowski · 27/03/2018 20:10

From the other side I was a "difficult teenager", i wasnt really bad but clashed with my parents. They sent me to boarding school and it was the best thing that happened to me. I was saved from them and they from me. We are not close but we have a better relationship than if we had been stuck with each other. Maybe OP's dc would say the same. My DM was a sahm and my dp would consider themselves good parents. I'm not saying they weren't but I loved boarding school.

Doryismyname · 27/03/2018 20:13

Good for you. How does your DS feel about being the only one of his siblings to be outsourced?

skippykips · 27/03/2018 20:15

So he has been away from you and he chooses to go up to his room to 'revise'! Ok then! I would hope my DDs would want to spend their time with me when they got home after not seeing me for so long!

Its ok, enjoy your 'I don't need to deal with bringing my kids up, and being sad you have children in day school'

I don't disagree with boarding schools, I do however disagree with your attitude to your lax parenting! How can you not know what subjects your child is doing? That is so sad for your son!

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