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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think boarding school is the answer to everything teenage-related?

96 replies

IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 19:51

That's about it. I have a Y11 son at boarding school. He is at home now, "revising" for GCSEs. I don't know what he is really doing in his bedroom. But I trust it has all in essence been done at school (had his report today, with good grades predicted. As a result, I now know which subjects he is doing). All the growing up, teenage crap etc has been thoroughly outsourced. I love it.

Disclaimer: I am a SAHM and hadn't spent a single minute away from the DC until DS went to school in Year 1 (skipped Reception, as I didn't see the need for it). Indeed, I spent in total 8 years at home with small people. So I have not had a history of outsourcing children.

My others are at day schools, sadly.

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 27/03/2018 20:15

Why didn't you just have your children adopted?

Original poster
IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 20:20

Interesting responses.

Pallisers, I have to respond to you, as I was reading the novel w

I wonder. I was a classic "I did no revision" person, who did well (think I am really an Asperger's boy, disguised as a girl).

Otherwise, I really am interested in the responses here. My post was a slightly random one, fuelled by gin and the presence of the Boarder, who has emerged from his room with a spurious claim about Latin revision.

Pallisers (for I will respond to you again). I wonder. My others are academically fine. The boarder (Aspergers) is astronomically high-achieving (he has a scholarship, hence the relative affordability of boarding). I think he will be fine. Hence my relative lack of interest in what he is doing. The others will want me to display my interest and concern at every turn.

Either that, or I am an old-fashioned parent. My DF (and he is dear: he is the template for the way all men should be) went to a parents' evening to talk to my German teacher. He had no idea I was not doing German. Grin

Ikeep, you may be right.

Bigsandyballs (love the name): I have other teenagers at home. Hence my musing. So I am not missing out on too much, honestly.

Those who wonder about Reception: independent schools from the start, which helps. I negotiated. Mine are all summer babies. I didn't want them to start school at only just 4. The prep school knew I would stick with it until 13, even though I didn't want them to do Reception. There is flexibility! You just have to make your case.

OP posts:
Original poster
IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 20:22

Just seen other posts. I like yours, Plagiarism, and Mike. Dory, it is ok, as he is the only one with a stupendous scholarship which makes it feasible. They all know this.

OP posts:
Yarboosucks · 27/03/2018 20:24

Really? Does anyone think OP is being anything other than goady?

Boarding school - Bite!

My check to see if my DS has set up a MN account to provoke the boarding school haters

Original poster
IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 20:24

Skippy, Said son is sitting at the side of me with effing Rachmaninov on full volume. He is ok, believe me. His school report arrived yesterday. He sat on the Aga, saying "I love my school. When can I go back?" Grin

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 27/03/2018 20:25

Teenage has been the best age for me. If I'd had the chance then probably age 8/9 was the one i would have outsourced (not really!)

WhitneyHoustonsbathtub · 27/03/2018 20:26

Sounds like an excuse for being a lazy, shit and self absorbed ‘parent’ but ok

MarSeeAh · 27/03/2018 20:27

What is Reception? I see it mentioned a lot, but we don't have it in Scotland.

BishopBrennansArse · 27/03/2018 20:27

Each to their own.
He's probably wanking.

Original poster
IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 20:29

Bishop my child doesn't do that. Any more than I did when I was Revising.

Whitney: Grin It's ok. I have other DC. Who would be boarding, given the finance and the opportunity. I know about teenagers.

MarSeeAh: it's whatever they do when they are 4-5. Otherwise known as walking very slowly and poking around in puddles.

OP posts:
pallisers · 27/03/2018 20:30

So I think all you can say is that boarding school works very well for your particular son and you and in the case of this particular child you can leave a lot of stuff parents usually do to the school.

Those of us who don't have astronomically high-achieving or self-starting children, have to focus more on them. Well I suppose we could ignore them but it wouldn't really end well. Most people like their loved ones to show them interest and concern - and to genuinely feel it.

I'm sure your dad was lovely and that was a funny story about your german teacher but if that happened my middle child, she would feel very unnoticed and it would impact her.

Different children need different things. Mine would not have been happy being at home with me in reception year when everyone else was off to school.

BishopBrennansArse · 27/03/2018 20:30

Yeah right.

pallisers · 27/03/2018 20:32

Bishop my child doesn't do that. Any more than I did when I was Revising.

I thought you didn't do revision? Is "revision" a code word :)

DairyisClosed · 27/03/2018 20:33

It's fine for sons but not for girls. I was a day pupil at a school that had boarders. All girls. Put of the girls in the boarding house about 50% had problems (drug use, rape/sexual assault, eating disorders, anxiety, very bad bullying etc.) in contrast to about 10% of day pupils. They all came from very nice families and the school did seem to have adequate systems of pastoral care in place but even so these girls seemed to be much more exposed to dangerous situations (possibly because their parents simply were not aware of what they did or where they were during times they were allowed to go out) and they also seemed less likely to ask for help from an adult when problems did arise. I am throughly looking forward to sending my sons off when their time comes but would never send away a daughter if I had one.

Zoflorabore · 27/03/2018 20:33

My ds is 15 and in year 10, he also has Aspergers.

I cannot believe that you didn't know what subjects he is taking for his GCSE's...

My ds contemplated long and hard about what 4 subjects to choose.

He regrets them every few weeks and then likes them again Grin

My ds is adorable, I couldn't send him away to school.
Hope he hasn't burned his arse on the Aga...

pallisers · 27/03/2018 20:36

rachmaninoff ... aga ... independent schools ... stupendous scholarship ...

I love this thread

roundaboutthetown · 27/03/2018 20:38

No, quite obviously boarding school is not the answer to everything teenage related. You seem to think it is working for your ds, though, so that's good. Your ds does not sound remotely like the average teenager, though, so I don't see why you are leaping to the conclusion that boarding school is therefore the answer to everything... I also would not be particularly delighted to know pretty much nothing about what my ds was doing at school and to have him asking when he could go back to said school, unless I felt I had nothing whatsoever in common with him and the whole family was happier when he was not around and relieved he was happier that way, too.

speakout · 27/03/2018 20:40

I have found my teenagers have benefited from gentle loving steerage.

It's a hard time for teens, and I would not outsource such an important part of parenting.

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 27/03/2018 20:41

Ok love.

DairyisClosed · 27/03/2018 20:42

Also lay off OP for not know what subjects her son is doing. I stopped telling my parents what subjects I had chose at the age of 13. They were welcome to ask obviously but it wasn't exactly a topic of national importance.

Pomegranatemolasses · 27/03/2018 20:43

@pallisers, I was thinking the exact same thing Grin. Op is probably sipping her gin from a chipped enamel mug, while an ancient and smelly labrador snores gently at her feet.

Nonetheless, I do have to say that DD, aged 16, boards and loves it. It works brilliantly for her, though not every child would enjoy it.

pallisers · 27/03/2018 20:45

Most things discussed in a family aren't of national importance. just the things that are important or even vaguely interesting to that particular family.

So your parents never asked what subjects you were studying, Dairy? Didn't they ever want to say "how is the french going" over dinner or didn't it come up when you said "miss smith made such a great comment in history today". I'm trying to imagine having ordinary every day conversations with my teens and still not know what subjects they were studying.

lljkk · 27/03/2018 20:45

I've heard this about boarding school, kids all made to revise (not allowed to do anything else) so the habit is ingrained as daily habit.

I reckon OP has a kid who did well in that environment so it seems like a great solution. Someone else's kid (Stephen Frye like) would have been a nightmare at boarding school so a bad solution for their family. Most of us could never afford or want to be so far apart. We will never know.

LineysRun · 27/03/2018 20:50

sitting on the aga Grin

yerbutnobut · 27/03/2018 20:50

Can not imagine either of my DC not coming back to the family home at the end of the school day. DH works in a boarding school and I know enough to be completely put off. DH says he would never, ever want our DC to board.

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