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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think boarding school is the answer to everything teenage-related?

96 replies

IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 19:51

That's about it. I have a Y11 son at boarding school. He is at home now, "revising" for GCSEs. I don't know what he is really doing in his bedroom. But I trust it has all in essence been done at school (had his report today, with good grades predicted. As a result, I now know which subjects he is doing). All the growing up, teenage crap etc has been thoroughly outsourced. I love it.

Disclaimer: I am a SAHM and hadn't spent a single minute away from the DC until DS went to school in Year 1 (skipped Reception, as I didn't see the need for it). Indeed, I spent in total 8 years at home with small people. So I have not had a history of outsourcing children.

My others are at day schools, sadly.

OP posts:
Mydoghatesthebath · 27/03/2018 20:50

he sat on the aga

Rachmanivov full volume.

Okkkkaaayyy

Zoflorabore · 27/03/2018 21:04

Think op is a full of shit gin...

Pointless thread. I'm out.

MammaTJ · 27/03/2018 21:10

(think I am really an Asperger's boy, disguised as a girl).

You do know that women and girls can be on the autistic spectrum? I assume you meant woman, anyway.

I agree with you about missing reception for summer born, I wish I had done that with summer born DD.

I disagree about outsourcing parenting though, even for someone who has a child in boarding school, you seem to be unusually detached. I am so much the opposite that I home educate my soon to be teen. Much easier to have more control with the wild child than less!

gillybeanz · 27/03/2018 21:12

I agree OP, my dd 14, is a delight and never a cross word when she is at home.
She's currently revising for end of year exams and choosing options atm.
I was a sahm for 25 years and have 2 grown ups who went to normal high schools.
I'm so glad I haven't had to go through all the dramas that my friends dd's have, it's bliss to just get the good bits.

AtSea1979 · 27/03/2018 21:13

OP I think you make a valid point. My DS would board if I could afford it. For me, parenting is a struggle, compounded by guilt. I might as well feel guilty for him boarding knowing he was happy and balanced than feel guilty that I was unkind, shouty, not coping etc etc.

Also if my DC were anything like me as a teenager then the best thing for them and my sanity would be boarding school. Shame my parents couldn’t afford to send me, it would have saved them a lot of heartache.

SparklyMagpie · 27/03/2018 21:25

I knew I shouldn't have bitten in the first place

pallisers · 27/03/2018 21:46

Gilly I thought on other threads about boarding schools you had categorically stated that boarding did not mean out-sourcing parenting and "just doing the good bits" and that your daughter still spent plenty of time at home just the same as other people's teens who didn't board - regular member of the family and treated the same? Which is it?

Dietsmakemeangry · 27/03/2018 21:49

This thread is almost believable. The only thing that bothers me (as a private school parent) is the fact that "you dont know which GCSEs he is sitting". I am not sure about state schools, but in private school parents have to sign their children's GCSE choices, because they pay additional fees for GCSEs. So its impossible not to be aware of the GCSE choices of a child in a private school.

GallicosCats · 27/03/2018 21:52

OP is your name Rachel Johnson by any chance? Grin

Original poster
IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 22:14

Loving these replies. No, my name is not Rachel Johnson, though I wish it were, as we wouldn't need a scholarship. Grin

Too many to reply individually, but DS has not burned his arse as he knows that you need to sit on a towel on the Aga unless you want a burner-shaped burn on your trouserage.

Really, honestly, I didn't know what his GCSE choices were (though I am all too aware with my Day School teenagers, who remind me every millisecond, and are already trying to co-opt me to revise with them, when their time comes. FML).

As for "revision": surely everyone knows that it it a synonym for wanking/cleaning out cupboards that don't need cleaning?

OP posts:
Original poster
IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 22:16

PS Diet. Honestly. I didn't have to sign a single thing for the Boarder. It was entirely his choice. Though I did have to sign forms for the Day Children. Not that it helped, much.

OP posts:
Chickoletta · 27/03/2018 22:24

Goady made up thread! Can't believe so many people are biting.

IIlustriouslyIllogical · 27/03/2018 22:29

You've got them frothing OP & it's only Tuesday!! Some of them will pop before the weekend at this rate.... Grin

Babymamamama · 27/03/2018 22:30

This thread is a pure wind up no? Must be.

Original poster
IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 22:32

Oh, honestly. Not a wind-up. Just a response to a particular situation. Sigh.

OP posts:
NorbertTheDragon · 27/03/2018 22:41

I have 4 teenagers. Boarding school sounds like a great idea. Grin

Voice0fReason · 27/03/2018 23:03

I suppose it really depends if you want to have a relationship with your child and play a part in their upbringing.
Those were really important things to me and the reason I wanted to have children. Outsourcing is an anathema to me.
My DH went to boarding school and hated it. It destroyed his relationship with his parents and he resents being sent. Good grades didn't make up for it.

pallisers · 27/03/2018 23:05

surely "cleaning out cupboards that don't need cleaning" is a euphemism???

OP, didn't your son ever mention anything about his classes that would have given you even a hint at his choices?

Original poster
IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 23:10

Voice, thanks for your comments. I do have a relationship with the Boarder (undiminished, as I have discovered this evening). Funnily, he is the one of all my children who is a clone of me.
My XH, DF and DP all went to boarding schools. XH hated it, though is quite vocal about it. DF won't talk about it. Likewise new bDP. I can't press the latter two, as it is evidently a painful subject.

OP posts:
Original poster
IlleIllaIllud · 27/03/2018 23:14

pallisers, yes. That is a euphemism for "having a wank". Though I am of course thinking of my university days, here. So far as DS and his options is concerned: I am inclined to think that he and the Beaks know what's what.

OP posts:
pallisers · 28/03/2018 00:35

Yes I tend to let my teens and their "beaks" (memo to self - file with aga and Rachmaninoff) make decisions too. I still know what those decisions are though. It would be kind of hard not to tbh - bit like my teens not knowing what I do for a living.

emmyrose2000 · 28/03/2018 04:36

Sounds like an excuse for being a lazy, shit and self absorbed ‘parent’ but ok

Agreed.

I really hope this is a fake post.

Taffeta · 28/03/2018 06:37

The title of the op is deliberately provocative.

I recognise the story (op has name changed) from a recent thread for adult survivors of boarding schools in Relationships.

I think OP is just after a reaction.

Believeitornot · 28/03/2018 06:42

My XH, DF and DP all went to boarding schools. XH hated it

Yet you still sent your ds.

Being a parent means taking the rough with the smooth. You really get to guide your child through the emotional trials when they’re teenagers.

But hey, outsourcing is great right? 🤔Hmm

dimsum123 · 28/03/2018 06:57

my parents didn't have a clue what I was doing at school when I was at secondary. It worked out just fine. I just got on with what I was supposed to do, could have worked harder probably, but had lots of fun along the way, got into uni and managed to qualify as a solicitor, all with barely any input from my parents.

I'm doing the same with my DCs. Both at secondary and I'm just leaving them to get on with it. Both are doing well judging from their reports so my parent's 'method' seems to be working!