Fake engagement ring

[Poppy1324]

I got engaged 2 years ago and married a year ago, my engagement ring is huge, very eye catching and gets lots of attention. A few people have commented about how much it must have cost and people have said it’s 2 carat at least, my husband has always said it is a diamond and made comments about how much it set him back.

Several people have said it’s worth a fortune and I’ll have to get it insured, my husband agreed and said he’ll have to do it and he will give receipt to insurance so I don’t see how much he spent. A few weeks ago someone said it must be 15-20k worth of diamond! Now we don’t have that kind of money so I assumed they must be mistaken and put it out of my mind, then last weekend I was at a dinner and a friends husband who’s a jeweller noticed the ring made a huge fuss of it,his wife compared her ring which was half the size and then they chatted quietly to each other looking at the 2 rings and looked at me with what I can only describe as mixture of sympathy and confusion as they gave it back.

I probably shouldn’t have done this but it’s been playing on my mind, I know the name of the store so I just looked it up, found the exact ring and it’s cubic zirconia, it’s still lovely and it is expensive although obviously not 15k expensive.

I don’t have expensive things, never have, it’s always made me cringe the thought he has spent so much on a ring, it felt wrong when we have struggled for money and we have friends and family around us struggling to make ends meet. Although I was obviously happy to be engaged I’m not really the attention seeking type and I’ve always felt embarrassed at the huge amount of attention this ring gets.

I feel a bit uncomfortable now wearing a massive flashy attention seeking fake ring and pretending it’s a diamond, I don’t know much about diamonds, obviously! However other people do and I feel a bit embarrassed to wear it now I know.

I don’t know how much my husband knows about jewellery, perhaps he saw it was sparkly and assumed it was a diamond or more likely he has lied about it this whole time. I have happily worn it for 2 years and I don’t want to upset him or be ungrateful for what is still a lovely and expensive ring.

Do I ask him about it or just carry on wearing it, the majority of people won’t examine it and I’d guess most wont realise so does it really matter anyway.

Also, if the retail value is £300 then chances are it’s intrinsically worth less than that. For diamonds the general rule is that they halve in value the minute they leave the shop.

I took some of my Grandma’s jewellery to an independent jeweller to have value after I inherited it, with no expectations about them actually being valuable as my grandparents were far from rich- this is the very kind email he sent me-

I have just been testing the two rings which you brought in for valuation this morning and I am sorry to have to tell you that I am not getting a clear reading for sapphire or tanzanite on the blue stone which leads me to believe that it is probably a synthetic sapphire. The two white stones either side of it are not genuine diamonds but a simulant. The setting is 9carat white gold. The green stone does read as emerald but once again the white stones are not diamonds. The mount is also 9 carat gold.

As this is the case, neither ring has commercial value and are only really worth a few pounds and so probably not worth the expense of insuring them.

I am so sorry to disappoint you.

(Bless him though, he gave them a lovely clean and polish for me and I wear them with love and pride every day.)

If you were to take yours to actually be valued that’s probably the kind of response you’d get.

Bit grim isn't it. One thing picking it and maybe not wanting to tell your fiancée, "oooh actually darling it's 'only' CZ" when she obviously assumes it's a diamond, quite another to spend the next few years responding like fucking Del Boy any time anyone mentions it.

And yes people do mention rings a lot, especially when you first get engaged. I got a lot of comments like "look at that rock!" with my much more modestly sized ring. In fairness the setting makes it look bigger than it is but I think it's what people think newly engaged/married women want to hear. And as OP's is massive, newish (2yo?) and still shiny and eye catching that will obviously happen.

Honestly I think I'd have to tell him I knew, ask him why he lied to me and then insist ask that we pick out a new one together. Something that didn't have the unpleasantness and dishonesty attached to it. If you're embarrassed you can tell people it was damaged or lost and you decided to replace it with something more practical for everyday wear.

It’s white gold, and I’m loving the throw it into the lake when feeding the ducks idea! Thanks for valuation advice instead I’ll just relay a version of the conversation with the jeweller at dinner last week and say to dh he told me it’s was 15k plus, please tell me you didn’t spend that much when we are supposed to be saving for a hiuse, and then ask is it real. If he continues to lie I have more serious problems.

You need to just ask him & work out his reasons for lying. I would probably comment on a ring with a single diamond 2 carots plus because they generally are pretty dazzling & ££££.

My engagement ring was an £80 heart shaped blue topaz surrounded by tiny diamonds. I really like it still. Since then we have earned more money and I now have a diamond eternity ring and diamond solitaire each worth £800. They are tasteful and sparkly. And a wedding band but this was very cheap as just plain 18ct gold.

I love the blue topaz most despite its low worth. We chose it together when we got engaged. Personally I would rather choose a ring myself so I'm not sure how I'd have felt being presented with a ring... it would have been more romantic but DH knows I'm fussy!

Have you talked to him about it, OP?

I really wouldn’t go down the trickery route or saying things have been said that haven’t, it’ll just get more complicated. Say you found the ring online, you know it cost £300, why has he been lying about it?

He has made a fool of you.
He also thinks you are too stupid to catch him in his lies. Yes lies, this won’t be the only one.
Really horrible thing to do.

Urgh

I’ll just relay a version of the conversation with the jeweller at dinner last week and say to dh he told me it’s was 15k plus

I wouldn’t do that, first of all it gives him the opportunity to continue lying and he’ll also think the ring is such a good fake that it’s even fooled a professional jeweller!

Embarrassing

rainbow which ring do you wear with your wedding ring?

There's no way he didn't know it wasn't real. As others have said its not the cost if the ring that matters its the lie.

A very similar thing happened to me. My ex bought this really flashy ring and made a big deal about how much it cost to anyone who would listen. I'm like you I prefer a more subtle style and didn't really like the ring but wore it as I didn't want to upset him. When I found out it was a very cheap fake I was furious. Again it wasn't the cost it was the lie. I felt a fool and questioned how he really felt about me. He also said 'she's worth it', so when I found out the truth it made me think "well clearly I'm not worth it".

I confronted him and gave back the ring as every time I looked at it all I thought about was the lie. Couldn't bare the sight of it.

We eventually broke up as he was a chronic liar. I'm not saying your husband is the same but if he can carry on this lie for over 2 years then he's capable of lying about other things. He's got form now.

If I was you I'd tell him straight that you know it's not real and your relieved. Tell him you never really liked it and would like to replace it with something more your style. Again a new ring doesn't have to cost much but its the least he can do.

Wouldn’t that lead to more lies on both your parts though? Any jeweller would be able to see it’s not a real diamond straight away, you’d just be casting your own complicated web of lies. Why not just confront him and tell him you know? Or give him a chance to tell the truth. Tell him, “A jeweller looked at my ring the other day, is there anything you’d
Iike to tell me about it?”

You really aren't an idiot! You were in love, proposed to with a beautiful ring, and you're clearly not a naturally unsuspicious type - all those are good things.

His lying is a worry, but honestly not as much as the fact that he bought this ring for him and not for you. Lying about the ring could just be insecurity and him wishing he could afford more for you, etc. but disregarding what you would actually like, buying something that allows him to bask in the reflected glory - that seems a bit arrogant and selfish.

15k is a lot to spend on a ring. I'd be worried to wear it or to keep it at home.

Bottom line: he shouldn't have lied to you.

Good point Angelo, and yes being annoyed about his lies and then lying myself isn’t the best. I won’t see him till the weekend, I’m going to talk to him then, I’ll just straight out ask him.

No no just ask him, don't go creating stories just ask, either straight out tell him the truth of the conversation or email him a link and ask him if that is your ring

Just tell him the truth.

Yeah and I think at this stage he's going to continue the ruse right up until you start shouting "WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME" after you rip it off your finger and throw it at him.

Honestly it takes some balls to come out and admit you've been spoofing about something like that. You might think you're giving him the opportunity to come clean but in all likelihood he'll keep lying because he doesn't think you suspect anything, and it's far easier to stick to the story rather than admit he's been a dick. You'll feel more betrayed at the end of it. If you want to actually move past it then just be upfront and honest and ask why he lied to you.

I can't imagine how he's going to talk his way out of this now

Please let us know how the chat goes. I think I'd be more concerned about the lies too if he has been lying all this time

Oh and you have all been very lovely I was expecting to get way more ridicule or told to get a grip with my first world problems. You AIBU lot can be very kind and helpful don’t let anyone tell you otherwise ☺️☺️

Is it Asscher cut?
I'd love an Asscher cut diamond but they're out of my price range so I've been looking for a CZ instead. I can't seem to find Asscher cut though, they're all emerald cut.

I’ll update you all at the weekend when I see him, I’m not having this conversation with him over the phone

There’s always the possibility (and I think the chances are very slim) that he did pay that & has been skanked