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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that’s it’s cheeky as fuck to expect other people to fund your skin removal surgery?

381 replies

Lactofreechummy · 27/03/2018 13:53

My friend had gastric bypass surgery last year after really struggling with her weight since childhood.

She has done amazingly well and lost over 11 stones.

Yesterday, I had a notification pop up on facebook.

My friend has set up a page where people can donate money to help fund her skin removal surgery. The target is set at £6,500.

As someone who has also lost a considerable amount of weight (5.5 stones) and also has some extra skin etc, I find it ludicrous to even think of asking for other’s to fund it. I have told my friend this and she said that she couldn’t think of any other way to raise funds quickly enough.

OP posts:
throwawayagain · 28/03/2018 03:13

And I eat 5000 calories a day.
Nobody cares.

cambodianfoxhound · 28/03/2018 03:31

Also a lot of the comments say 'nothing wrong in asking' 'you can ignore'.. I don't actually agree this. Overtime this is how culture changes and what would once be considered inappropriate becomes a 'cultural norm'.

A lot of cultural changes are fantastic, others not so much. I am always keen to offer help and assistance where help and assistance is needed. Society, however, is becoming more and more about instant gratification. I want something, I want it now. Where does this end?

Maybe my view is coloured though, as I recently received a 'go fund me' request from a Partner in a law firm to pay for additional physio for his daughter (over and above that provided on the NHS). This appeared in my feed alongside photographs of them on a fabulous trip to the Caribbean. They could have easily afforded this extra help from one years annual bonus or by foregoing the fabulous trip.

HuskyMcClusky · 28/03/2018 04:38

Also a lot of the comments say 'nothing wrong in asking' 'you can ignore'.. I don't actually agree this. Overtime this is how culture changes and what would once be considered inappropriate becomes a 'cultural norm'.

I’m with you. Don’t agree at all with ‘There’s no harm in asking as long as you’re willing to hear ‘no’’.

falang · 28/03/2018 05:33

I don't blame her for trying if she's unable to borrow the money for it. People don't have to contribute. I don't think it should be available on the nhs.

FrangipaniBlue · 28/03/2018 05:39

*You have never been overweight right? Yet you think you know best.

I wonder why this is accepted when it comes to weight. *

I was overweight (obese) for over a third of my life but worked my ass off to get slim, and stay slim. No fad diets just better eating habits and exercise.

I 100% agree with everything @Avasarala has posted.

I also have excess skin, I'd never dream of asking the NHS to pay for it (and as a higher rate tax payer for most of my life there are some who would argue that I should!) I'd also never dream of asking my friends to pay either.

My fault my issue - I take steps to make sure I don't get skin infections or problems.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 28/03/2018 06:34

Shatners

I am ! I think it’s the only way

I think your friend would be More reasonable to embark on a money saving and selling project to make the money personally , or to get a loan out

Not because it’s fat shaming in any way but in life we can’t expect people to fund stuff that’s not life and death related

C8H10N4O2 · 28/03/2018 08:52

I have a tred mill in my living room, a rowing machine and exercise bike in my bedroom, an exercise hoop and pushing bag in my garage. I get up at 5/5.30 every day so I can do an hour circuit before the kids get up - with 2 rest days a week.

Biscuit
Avasarala · 28/03/2018 09:20

@C8H10N402

So we're making fun of people who make an effort to stay healthy now?

I'm a single mum and I work while the kids are at school. There's no one to look after them so I can take myself off the to gym at night. So, I have it in my house. If someone said "I go to the gym 5 times a week" would you be doing the same to them? I know so many people who of every morning before work or st night after work.

I'd rather do that than be overweight thanks very much.

Pumperthepumper · 28/03/2018 09:30

I also have excess skin, I'd never dream of asking the NHS to pay for it (and as a higher rate tax payer for most of my life there are some who would argue that I should!) I'd also never dream of asking my friends to pay either.

What if the NHS suddenly had funding for it, would you have it then?

noeffingidea · 28/03/2018 09:35

No problem with her crowdfunding, though I wouldn't donate personally. Obviously the NHS is unlikely to fund it in the current financial climate.
I think the excess skin situation needs to be highlighted a lot more though. I think some people don't understand as they gradually gain weight that this may become a problem for them in the future, and that no matter how hard they work and how determined they are to lose weight and become fit that their body may well be irreversibly altered if they gain a significant amount of weight.

Sallystyle · 28/03/2018 09:36

Loads of people say that once they've gotten overweight, they fund it hard to lose and that makes them upset so they eat to cheer themselves up. That's not mental illness.

I didn't say it was a mental illness. I said there is much more going on than someone simply being 'greedy'.

And I am talking about people who are hugely overweight. You don't get to that size without more going on, but that doesn't mean it's a mental illness.

noeffingidea · 28/03/2018 09:39

Good attitude Avasarala. I used to do DVD's and use handweights at home, and do lots of walking with my buggy.

BishopBrennansArse · 28/03/2018 09:43

I'm obese. I did a food diary and no one could work out why based on it I am the weight I am. Got accused of secret bingeing which no I wasn't doing.

Currently going through diagnostic process for EDS. It's likely there's a cortisol issue meaning I gain weight easily and find it hard to lose it. Add in my mobility lessening and having to start using a wheelchair due to the suspected EDS and RA plus steroids and I'm way more heavy than I should be. Which then impacts my health and becomes a vicious circle. I already have a lot of loose skin because of my pregnancies and I know when I lose weight it gets a lot worse - I get infections in the folds despite good hygiene practices.

I'm currently trying again to lose weight. The only way I can do so is by pretty much starving myself and having one 400 calorie meal a day. I've been doing this for a month and so far have lost a few lb. Which is bloody ridiculous, I should have lost more on that level of calories. Following plans like ww can make me gain weight.

Obesity can be way more complex than just being greedy.

BishopBrennansArse · 28/03/2018 09:45

(The loose skin is one of the reasons EDS is suspected by the way - when the kids were born the skin didn't shrink back at all so I have enough skin to cover a large 9 month bump hanging down).

fuzzyduck33 · 28/03/2018 09:56

I keep seeing these threads "they shouldn't ask for crowd funding because......" But the thing with crowd funding is you can ASK for anything you like. It's up to potential givers who they donate to and how much. Some people will sympathise and donate a bit, some won't. Just be one of those that don't, no need to get your knickers in a twist about it!!

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 28/03/2018 09:59

The reason the NHS stopped funding most skin reduction surgeries is that the vast majority of people who lose a significant amount of weight end up re-gaining it within a decade. Regardless of how well-funded the NHS is, it's wasteful to spend public funds on something of very limited benefit. However, I understand people wanting the skin removed, I've got saggy skin on my tummy from pregnancy, once I've finished having DC I'll save up to get it tightened if it never goes back and I've not got used to it.

Basseting · 28/03/2018 10:02

It is very difficult when, for eg, the Vit B injections are not funded yet issues which are costly and seen as 'lifestyle' like IVF/bariatric/skin are.

Yet purely in economic terms it is cheaper to the nhs to offer bariatric and skin removal than treat the longterm major health issues these conditions create if left untreated.

I am very sorry to hear about the Vit B issue. Can you contact your MP?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 28/03/2018 10:04

Wow. Some of you are disgraceful. I say that as someone who does place the blame of being fat on those that eat a lot regardless of their reasons. I’m also fat due to abuse etc and eating a lot more than I should. I’m still fat because of my own actions. I think people forget that there are often other reasons why people are so large, such as medication. I also don’t think getting rid of excess skin should be on the NHS but only because there are so many more things for children or rare illnesses etc that we should try and provide before then. I know the NHS doesn’t have the money right now but hopefully one day it will. But I have no issue at all with crowd funding. The amazing thing about it is the choice you have. You can choose whether or not you donate. There is no obligation, no forcing and no guilting people into doing so. Why such a hate for it? If you don’t want to donate, that’s great, move the fuck on with your life... is it really so hard to ignore?

TheMythicalChicken · 28/03/2018 10:04

Good for her for losing the weight! I would absolutely donate to her Crowdfunding Page.

noeffingidea · 28/03/2018 10:05

Anyone who buys into the 'eat less, move more' doctrine is an utter fucking idiot
It's not a doctrine, it's science, backed up by research. There are some medical conditions which contribute to /cause weight gain, but the majority of people gain weight because of a calorie surplus.

YourWanMajella · 28/03/2018 10:29

Anyone who buys into the 'eat less, move more' doctrine is an utter fucking idiot

That's actually hilarious. People feel the need to delude themselves that much that they have to pretend obvious truth is wrong? What next, 10 pints a night is actually good for you and we should all aim for it?

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 28/03/2018 10:32

Anyone who buys into the 'eat less move more ' doctrine is a utter fucking idiot

what do you think makes people put on weight, or lose it then? The principle might offend you because it's so simple, but it doesn't make it any less true.
Some people are looking for any excuse, aren't they

NotASingleFuckToGive · 28/03/2018 11:09

"We weren't like this as a society a few generations ago."

No, because we had no refined sugar, it's as simple as that. Food with sugar in tastes nice, and people are ballooning because they refuse to stop eating it.
I've never met a fat person who eats low carb, I'd say it's physically impossible to be fat if you do. Every overweight person I know is a carb fiend. These weren't in abundance 50 years ago.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 28/03/2018 11:13

It’s complex
For some people it really is as simple as eat less move more

But for many there are deep seated medica and mental health /emotional issues

I acknowledge both as valid reasons

But we can’t just pooh pooh eating better and exercising because a number of people have more comples issues . We have an obesity problem and for some people it’s really can be addressed through diet and fitness

noeffingidea · 28/03/2018 11:19

NotaSingleFuck rubbish. People used to practically mainline sugar 50 years ago. Bread and potatoes at the same meal were very common.
People just eat more now, food is relatively cheaper and we're not generally as active in our daily lives.