Who is being unreasonable...person A or person B?

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A and B are in a relationship and live together. They have three children who all live with them. Household chores are split thus: A does all the family laundry, washing, hanging and drying and sorting into piles for each household member to put away. B takes care of grocery shopping and family cooking.
Neither have much to do with the other person’s allocated chore.

A often uses a tumble dryer to save time as five people generate a lot
of laundry. In doing so A has inadvertently shrunk a handful of items belonging to B.

B feels that A should check what’s going in the dryer before using it as there are four or five known items that should not be tumble dried.

A feels that checking through the washing for items that can’t go in the dryer is B’s responsibility as it will take too much time to go through each load to separate the items from the rest of the load. A feels that if B wants them dried elsewhere it’s up to B to intercept the washing.

Who is right? Thanks.

A is wrong, they're not actually taking proper responsibility for the laundry if they're doing it incorrectly.

If for example B consistently forgot to pickup multiple items A specifically wanted from the grocery store, would A then feel it's fair that they go to the grocery store themselves for those items? Or would they think B is shirking their own responsibility?

Anyway, where I am, the weather has just got good enough for line drying again

I feel A should line-dry things as much as possible - perhaps only tumbling those things that really are needed straight away. Perhaps always line /airer drying that category of wash that may include the un-tumbleable items.

We have a similar system and im in charge of all laundry, apart from my husband buys quite expensive work shirts and he doesnt put them in with the normal washing, instead he saves them up and does a load seperately on a Sunday, dries them and hangs them straight up, in some secret, non iron ritual. This was his idea, as he knows i’d just bung them in with anything similar coloured. I like this system, and think if it matters that much, do it yourself.

The point is it alerts the laundry person that there's something about the items that requires something different.

A should be doing it. Had similar set up domestically in the past, only A did A's job plus all the grocery shopping, and B was responsible for cooking and washing dishes (with help of a dishwasher)
Cleaner did the rest except occasional hovering (B) and tidying up (both).

Still A checked every label, hand washed as necessary and didn't let colours get mixed up. Ironing was done by cleaner (if at all) otherwise hung out carefully. Sometimes B's items got shrunk in tumble dryer accidently and B was still grateful for A's contribution (even if A did have to replace the odd item)

I'd go with lottiegarbanzo's solution. You put the special items in a net back prior to washing, they can be washed in the load with everything else, but it's easy for person A to remove the net bag prior to drying.

To those saying it’s too hard to separate laundry out between washer and tumbler: that’s only the case if you’re a super lazy sod. I manage it with 8kg loads because my eldest has a habit of buying bargain jumpers made of wool and cotton. I’m a the biggest splatters going and I manage.

Splatters = slattern.

A mesh bag solves the problem. When you put clothes in the washing basket that cannot be tumble dried, put them in a mesh bag. He washes clothing as normal but takes the mesh bag of non tumble items out before everything else gets tumbled.

Dh does the majority of our laundry there is 5 of us too. What an absolute bloody faff it would be to separate them all before washing. Whichever of us that do the washing just chick in a load that can all be washed together then hang what can’t be tumble dried and tumble dry the rest. It’s not difficult and I don’t view cannot be tumble dried as special washing instructions either. Does anyone seriously buy stuff and check the label every time to make sure it’s washed and dried in the same way as everything else they own? In literally ever laundry load I have ever done in more than 20 years of living alone there has been a mix of drying requirements.

B is right

I think if B has already pointed out the problem, then A should be aware of that. However, I guess it's easy to forget if A's in a mad rush doing the laundry for 5 people. So, maybe mesh bags are the way to go in future.

In the meantime, just have a nice together, and plan a holiday somewhere without a tumble dryer in sight.

B is right. If you're doing the laundry then do the laundry. I think grocery shopping and cooking for 5 people is a much bigger job than the laundry as well. The way you've worded it including: "sorting washing into piles, hanging it up" sounds as though you're trying to make it out to be a harder job than it is.

You didn't say: "goes to the supermarket, makes a list of everything that's needed, chops and preps the veg, cooks the meat" for example.

Can't you get net bags that things can be washed in? So they stay in those for washing, then it's obvious which things they are pre-drying?

Lottie, that's genius!

OP, i would do this. Unless DH manages to keep his own non-dryer clothes out of the dryer?

A is getting away with murder. Laundry is a tiny job compared to shopping for and feeding a family. I did the laundry (and cooking) for a family of 5 for years, and never had a tumble drier, so I should know.

I agree with others - does he have any non-tumbleable clothes and does he manage to keep them separate? If so I would have a lot less sympathy than if not.

A is right but it's quite hard once everything is a soggy pile to recognise a small top, I drag everything out of the washer straight into the dryer above without glancing at it (as I know what I put in washer). I wouldn't want to sort through for something that DH might have stuck in washing basket. A mesh bag is a good solution.

I really like the mesh net idea, much easier to find the items not to tumble dry.

DH is A in our house. We’ve solved the problem with me putting items that can’t be tumbled into a separate laundry basket which sits next to the main basket so easy to toss clothes into when removing them.

When there’s a full load on a decent day, DH takes the non-tumble items and washes them in a mesh bag with everything else. It all gets tipped into the dryer, the mesh bag is removed and my clothes hung on the line. If it’s a crap day they wait in the basket for appropriate drying weather.

I also have a separate basket for delicates (hand wash cycle / line dry) into which I put clothes I don’t want washed with the usual stuff. DH will run this one when there’s enough for a load and the weather is OK for line drying.

So. A is responsible in your scenario. However if there are only 4 items of clothing that need special treatment it’s a faff to go through every load in case one of them has snuck in. If B puts them in a separate basket, A can choose when to wash them, and knows when they’re in the washer and can whip them out before the dryer.

And when DH shrinks my clothes (which happens), I give him a kiss, thank him for doing all the laundry and I go clothes shopping. Like when I burn or somehow ruin the dinner - he gives me a kiss, thanks me for cooking, and we get takeout that night.

I think it's up to A's responsibility to get the washing done right and so A's responsibility to decide what the solution is going to be. If that solution is having a separate pile then that's what you should go with. I can totally see why this would help - even without a mesh bag to put them in - knowing they are all in the same load when you put it in the machine makes it much easier to remember to pull them out. I think it's easy to miss odd items in a load, especially if they aren't yours and you aren't even certain they are in the load in the first place. Even if he's intending running an entirely separate load for them, that's really up to him. It's a bit wasteful but probably less wasteful than ruining clothes frequently. He knows his limits better than you and it's incredibly arrogant to just tell him he ought to do it the way you would and be upset with him when he disagrees.

It's A's job to sort the washing properly as it's their allocated chore. It's not tricky to sort washing before it goes into the dryer, so they need to take responsibility for ruining some of B's clothes.

Ok thanks everyone. Dh finally admitted last night that it is his really his responsibility to ensure the items don’t go in the dryer. I let him read the thread and read out a few points as well, such as the equivalent of not bothering to cook properly or buy food he likes in the supermarket because it’s too much hassle. He did back down in the end.
We think the mesh bags idea is great...where can I buy small mesh laundry bags? Lakeland?

And yes, I beefed up my description of doing the laundry in the OP so it wouldn’t be obvious I was person B...and in recognition of laundry being a huge and ongoing task, like shopping and cooking is.
We try to split the drudge work evenly between us and as dh works longer hours and I would rather watch paint dry than hang washing up, the tasks were allocated as they are. It has worked for us for years. The tumble dryer is a recent addition to the equation.

Thanks for your input everyone.

A should be doing the laundry properly as it's their job.

I pull out the items (both mine AND DH's) that need to be removed before sticking the rest in the dryer. It's not rocket science.

Good result! Lakeland would be a good place for him to look.

The mesh bag we had was for nappies, so nobody had to interact with them before washing, just sling the bag in. Not quite the same!

I have mesh bags from
Amazon. Amazon have everything and you can order in your pyjamas :-) I have shaped bags for bras and then smaller ones for knicks and larger ones for delicate tops.