Who is being unreasonable...person A or person B?

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A and B are in a relationship and live together. They have three children who all live with them. Household chores are split thus: A does all the family laundry, washing, hanging and drying and sorting into piles for each household member to put away. B takes care of grocery shopping and family cooking.
Neither have much to do with the other person’s allocated chore.

A often uses a tumble dryer to save time as five people generate a lot
of laundry. In doing so A has inadvertently shrunk a handful of items belonging to B.

B feels that A should check what’s going in the dryer before using it as there are four or five known items that should not be tumble dried.

A feels that checking through the washing for items that can’t go in the dryer is B’s responsibility as it will take too much time to go through each load to separate the items from the rest of the load. A feels that if B wants them dried elsewhere it’s up to B to intercept the washing.

Who is right? Thanks.

A is responsible. But B should have alerted A to the fact that certain items were non tumble dry.

Aargh - non emptied pockets and balled up socks. Bane of my life.

A is responsible. It’s part of doing laundry to cope with different care instructions.

Get a separate 'delicates' bag that goes inside the laundry basket - for anything that needs washing on a delicate or wool cycle and/or not tumble dried. The wearer knows which thing is what when they put them in. Saves any need for 'sorting' other than visually into colours.

But, that aside:

1. It's A's job, they should do a good job not a crap one.

2. Shopping and cooking is way more work than laundry. Also way more flexible, in terms of when it can be done. Person A should be really pleased this is all they have to do.

3. Carrying on shoving everything in the drier, knowing there are things that shouldn't be tumble dried amongst the other stuff, is willful damage and destruction. It's a nasty way to make a point.

B did. A good few times.

Sorry...that was to Joinourclub.

Oops, I meant laundry is more flexible. Cooking is rigidly timetabled.

Am I the only one who gets it, a linen shirt doesn't require any secialist washing treatment, it requires special DRYING treatment, so separating things before washing is entirely missing the point.

I woudl try this for a few days
give him mashed potato, but make sure there are half cooked potatoes in his.
burn his piece of meat/fish finger whatever, don't burn anyone elses.
forget to buy something he eats regularly, eg his faourite snack.

After while you can point out that it is just 'too much bother' to do these small details, just as it is 'too much bother' for him to do the small details of your washing

A's job. If B has to micro-manage the task from afar, they might as well do the whole thing.

Or you could just go with the delicates bag idea so it saves searching for the items.

It takes seconds to pull out what doesn’t need tumble drying. It doesn’t need a separate laundry basket it just needs a little bit of patience and some common sense.

I don't have a dryer, so would have thought the things that couldn't be tumble dried were the same ones that needed a delicate wash.

Would it harm the linen shirt to be washed at 30 with the delicates? It wouldn't need to go in by itself, it just mightn't be washed so often.

Now, how about hand-washing?

well, in our house there isn't a delictaes wash, there is a white, darks, colours, reds, and they are all done at 40.

Is say both were being unreasonable for owning a tumble drier!

Switch chores if he won’t separate your items.

How hard is it, to pull out a known item of clothing that can't go in the dryer? You can't just whack a great ball of damp clothes into the machine anyway, you need to tease out and separate the items a bit, in order for them to aerate properly, so you'd see a specific jumper in the process and remove it.

A needs to replace the items they've ruined.

Am I the only one who gets it, a linen shirt doesn't require any secialist washing treatment, it requires special DRYING treatment, so separating things before washing is entirely missing the point

I don’t think so becuase it shows the items are in the wash, I don’t believe anyone who says every single time they did the washing they would inspect every item of clothing to make sure certain items were not included. If it was one obvious item, then maybe but not multiple items. Separating them would show the person washing them that they had to take special care with that particular load.

A is being unreasonable as it's there job to do laundry. That should include hand washing/ dry cleaning etc. b already has their chores and responsibilities.

A is responsible. If they’re not sure if something can be tumbled, check.

It’s not rocket science. In our house we have loads of things that can’t be tumbled - sports kit, bras, most of my tops - and whoever puts a wash on has to check.

I don’t want to shout but WHAT IS THE POINT OF PUTTING FOUR ITEMS IN A SEPARATE PILE?

They wash at the same temperature as the rest of the clothes. They aren’t enough to make up a whole load by themselves and besides, I need the items for daily wear to work and so on. We’re talking two cotton tops, a linen shirt and a cotton jumper here...why would I separate them? So they can stay in a little pile all dirty on their own?

Yep, it's A's job to do the laundry so it's A's job to do it properly. Pulling out delicates/woollens takes seconds.

Incidentally my DH told me ages ago he doesn't like his work shirts tumble dried as it makes them wear out quicker. So despite their care instructions saying it's OK, I don't stick them in the tumble drier unless we've had an argument or he's really p*ssed me off

They get washed with the rest of the clothes...I just don’t want them put in the dryer. That is all.

I woudl try this for a few days give him mashed potato, but make sure there are half cooked potatoes in his. burn his piece of meat/fish finger whatever, don't burn anyone elses.forget to buy something he eats regularly, eg his faourite snack. After while you can point out that it is just 'too much bother' to do these small details, just as it is 'too much bother' for him to do the small details of your washing

this^ oh please do it...

throws water onto chip pan fire

I do all the washing in my house and I’ve shrunk a few of DH’s nice jumpers, they get replaced but all our money is family money so no blame. It’s not an issue. I tend to just get complacent!

We have the same split. DH does all the laundry. I have some things that I don't want tumble dried and 95% of the time he catches them, but sometimes he misses them as they get bundled up with the rest of the washing, I have 2 things that CANNOT be tumble dried and I leave those in a separate pile to the other laundry so that they cannot get bundled up and go in by mistake. I think your system needs refining a bit.

Can't you get net bags that things can be washed in? So they stay in those for washing, then it's obvious which things they are pre-drying?