What happens when someone feels offended?

[Justmyownself]

Just that really.

I believe that people choose to feel offended, or angry, or sad or whatever emotion they think is relevant to the circumstances.

For example, words are literally just soundwaves. We hear them, consider them, and then attach meaning to them. Consequently we choose an emotion which corresponds to that meaning.

So, if I am overweight but genuienly have no issues with it, and someone makes a remark about my size, I may not choose to attach any meaning to their words because they are of no interest to me. If on the other hand, I am self concious about my weight, if it's an issue for me, then i might choose to attach meaning to that persons words. As acknowledgment of them forces me to confront an issue which makes me uncomfortable.

But what actually happens when someone feels offended? Ok, they might feel bad, but surely that feeling is their own responsibility?

As far as I can see nothing actually happens. The world still turns, the sun still rises. But nothing really happens. You could choose to feel so offended by something that you have to sit in a corner, rocking back and forth while dribbling all over yourself. But nothing actually happens.

Im not talking about obvious criminal offences like public order, as those obviously have legal implications. Im talking about the everyday "offences" which for some reason people seem obsessed about being offended by.

It sometimes feels like being offended by something is just a form of attention seeking. Are grown adults really that weak of character? To me, it sometimes feels like there are no adults in the world anymore. Just a bunch of characterless, over sensitive, narcissistic individuals.

I've got my flame proof knickers on just in case!

To me, it sometimes feels like there are no adults in the world anymore. Just a bunch of characterless, over sensitive, narcissistic individuals.

Amen to this.

I actually wonder if as humans we need conflict and as most of us no longer live in war zones or with real constant threat to life we produce it for ourselves?

There must be research on this somewhere

Definitely think being 'offended' has gone too far at the moment. People are loving a witch hunt right now. It's not a good time to have a dark sense of humour or even an opinion that isn't deemed mainstream acceptable. The pendulum will swing back the other way eventually.

RJ that theory makes a lot of sense to me.

From my history studies years ago it was certainly in periods of low conflict that much navel-gazing was done and there was talk of feckless youths, etc.

A war or similar momentous event gives everyone something else to think about e.g. survival.

Well you’re really talking about people who you think are using their feeling of being offend3d to justify their behaviour.
Some things are offensive and cause upset. I don’t choose to be upset, I just am. I may or may not react at that point or at a later point.

For example, words are literally just soundwaves. We hear them, consider them, and then attach meaning to them. Consequently we choose an emotion which corresponds to that meaning.

You're ignoring tone of voice and body language there. Ask anyone who has been repeatedly verbally abused.

On the offended thing, I don't know as I'm really not easily offended. I get angry or sad at distressing events, not sure that's a choice I make - surely our emotional responses aren't decided at a conscious level anyway?

I bet the OP is the type of person who considers it a character strength that they call a spade a spade. And everyone who gets offended by their no nonsense straight talking is a snowflake.

Sorry I disagree, emotions are not a choice. We feel sadness, happiness, joy, depression, offence etc for good biological reasons. What we can learn to control though is how we deal with them.
I’m interested that you seem more concerned with the emotion of feeling offended.
Have you recently pissed someone off? Or do you just know a lot of weedy snowflakes who take offence at the drop of a hat and are quite frankly, a total pain in the arse!

there are no adults in the world anymore. Just a bunch of characterless, over sensitive, narcissistic individuals.

I'm nicking this OP . You are so right!

I think it depends.

I don't think you can call every offended person a narcissist or a snowflake. That's too reductive.

The thing is, "offence" can cause some emotional damage - depending on how and why it's done, and how persistently, it can be a form of bullying or stereotyping etc. There are things I'm glad we now call out as offensive, like racism and disablism and so on.

I do wonder how the internet has affected it though. People are often more offensive online than they are in person, so maybe they're also more offended online, and we're having to come up with new rules around social conduct because of it all.

(Having said all that, you sometimes you see "trigger warning, are these nice shoes?", or "why didn't you put a trigger warning in for shoes?!" or that sort of thing, and then you do wonder if it's going too far...)

Well, it's derided on here, but I grew up with 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me'.
It was a chant that deflected name-calling and also annoyed those who were trying to get to you. Win-win!

To me, it sometimes feels like there are no adults in the world anymore. Just a bunch of characterless, over sensitive, narcissistic individuals.

...but of course it is rather, er, sociopathic to think that you could just go through life saying and doing anything you like, and that if anyone gets upset about it that's their problem - not yours. You know that, right?

I believe that people choose to feel offended, or angry, or sad or whatever emotion they think is relevant to the circumstances

Is that what you do? Are you a robot?

This just sounds like excuses to say be offensive. If you are commenting negatively on someone’s weight, you are doing so to be offensive. Why else would you comment? I much prefer the school of thought if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything.

@RJnomore1

I actually wonder if as humans we need conflict and as most of us no longer live in war zones or with real constant threat to life we produce it for ourselves?

Modern life is stressful in different ways and our technological progress has happened faster than it's possible to adapt to - ie the sheer number of us, we didn't evolve to live in cities of thousands and higher.

Our responses to stress as well, if an office job brings stress there's no socially acceptable way of fighting it or running away from it, the first would get you arrested the second would mean unemployment.

Most people don't get to choose what emotion to feel but taking offence is not an emotion so let's put that to one side. I must admit that I don't tend to get offended and I don't really get people who do. I suppose it's about feeling that you entitled to feeling comfortable at all times and reacting badly when someone makes you uncomfortable. I just don't really get it.

Well, it's derided on here, but I grew up with 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me'.

Even as a small child I recognised that as utter nonsense because those words did hurt and the damage lasted a lot longer than cuts and bruises.

@TheClacksAreDown I think I call a spade a spade but I don’t think I’m offensive. I’m blunt but not rude.

Mimp - not for my generation.

It does depend on context, my disabled son was called the R word yesterday it was definitely not a “sound wave”. Generally I can shrug off things said to me easier than said to loved ones. At some point in our history it was not judged to be offensive to use racist language but rightly so we have made it a hate crime. Words have evolving meanings all the time.

I have family members who have internalised racism that has been directed towards them

I don’t think they have been too sensitive about feeling offended as these words were supported by society

Words are just sound waves but you sound like a cheeky fuckwit OP. See, I think that was rude of me & Id be offended if someone said that to me. It's obvious.

Although I do agree that some things are open to interpretation as to whether to cause offence or not. There are ways to say things kindly unless you know someone's character well enough to be able to accurately predict how they'll react.

Just curious if you've had a recent incident where you thought someone was unnecessarily offended or if you've been mulling over this. I think I'm usually articulate enough (when sober) not to offend people, the closest I've had recently to an issue that I'm aware of, is flicking though an interiors mag in a cafe & said to a school mum in passing who was with dc friends at next table 'that is not a good look' while showing a picture in the mag. It was way out there decorating to my mind & I've been to her very beautiful & tastefully decorated home. She said very democratically 'it's a good thing we're all different' 😬. Don't think she was exactly offended

There are some things that people spout off that are potentially a bit offensive though, e.g. when are you having another child when 1st reaches 2 generally etc

I think there are two types of feeling offended.

One is a natural reaction, probably made up from part nature/part nurture and possibly brought about by personal experiences.

The other is a 'learned' offence, where people 'feel offended' because society (particularly internet society) has taught them they should somehow feel offended.

The latter is often 'feeling offended' on behalf of others, which is irritating, especially when those others often couldn't care less.

If you are commenting negatively on someone’s weight, you are doing so to be offensive. Why else would you comment?

The OPs point is that you might just be commenting on weight but the perception from the listener is that it is negative and therefore offensive.

I personally think that we have become incredibly superficial in how we value relationships. I agree the theory above about being in a low conflict society is interesting. We are lacking the perspective into which to put these feelings so they are magnified, instead of being minimised by a word or act of great kindness or support in times of need.

It’s almost as if people are anticipating an attack on something personal and feel the need to continuously defend themselves against others, again in the absence of a greater threat... one which would also bring people closer together to fight against it.

What is the threat that people perceive do you think OP?

You'd have to give examples.

Even War Courts bring charges over psychological torture, because it is real. One persons non-offensive remark is another person verbal abuse. Which is why we now have Emotional abuse as an offense.

How you deal with things depends on your background, experiences etc.

I think we should concentrate on the person being offensive, because it's really easy not to be a twat.