What happens when someone feels offended?

[Justmyownself]

Just that really.

I believe that people choose to feel offended, or angry, or sad or whatever emotion they think is relevant to the circumstances.

For example, words are literally just soundwaves. We hear them, consider them, and then attach meaning to them. Consequently we choose an emotion which corresponds to that meaning.

So, if I am overweight but genuienly have no issues with it, and someone makes a remark about my size, I may not choose to attach any meaning to their words because they are of no interest to me. If on the other hand, I am self concious about my weight, if it's an issue for me, then i might choose to attach meaning to that persons words. As acknowledgment of them forces me to confront an issue which makes me uncomfortable.

But what actually happens when someone feels offended? Ok, they might feel bad, but surely that feeling is their own responsibility?

As far as I can see nothing actually happens. The world still turns, the sun still rises. But nothing really happens. You could choose to feel so offended by something that you have to sit in a corner, rocking back and forth while dribbling all over yourself. But nothing actually happens.

Im not talking about obvious criminal offences like public order, as those obviously have legal implications. Im talking about the everyday "offences" which for some reason people seem obsessed about being offended by.

It sometimes feels like being offended by something is just a form of attention seeking. Are grown adults really that weak of character? To me, it sometimes feels like there are no adults in the world anymore. Just a bunch of characterless, over sensitive, narcissistic individuals.

I've got my flame proof knickers on just in case!

I'm sure some people think they will explode if they get offended.

Cultural appropriation and tearing down a 200 year old statue....now this is just “I don’t understand why people get offended”
The virtue-signalling type of internet keyboard warrior/I need to have a fight offence is one thing. But putting that in with positive societal change against repression is quite another. I do find that point of view offensive, reason being the OPs lack of empathy and understanding of other points of view. I’m being very grown up by expressing my view without having a sweary rant.

Why say something offensive. If it can be labelled offensive it is meant to hurt so why would it be said.
There is a difference in what is said.
Doctor or someone's loved one saying for example. You've put on a lot of weight and I'm worried this is going to effect your health being that heavy.

Someone saying loved one or not. You're fat. It looks revolting.

If you're offended by the first one you're being too sensitive.

The second is meant to hurt and so it does. It shouldn't be said not the receiver should choose to ignore. Having that said repeatedly effects you psychologically and you'd need to have no feelings or emotions for it not to hurt or effect you.

There’s a difference between abuse and offence.

If someone is screaming in your face on a picket line because you went to a feminist meeting the week before that’s abuse

If someone is on TV espousing a view that feminism is bad that’s offence. I can be offended but no one is harming me personally.

Abuse is personal, targeted and designed to intimidate or belittle the individual. That’s not the same as making a statement that could cause offence.

If I walk up to someone in the street and start haranguing them about their religion that’s abusive. If I make a statement in public, not directed at an individual, that the religion itself is a pile of hokum then that may be offensive but it’s not abusive. If I then say that Susan is an idiot for following that religion that’s personal and abusive.

People who take offence at generic, non targeted statements that don’t harm individuals are snowflakes. No one should be verbally abusing individuals.

If someone insults me, it will offend me. I'm not going to pretend words don't matter - it matters to me if I feel sad, or hurt, or angry. What a strange post.

@TheDowagerCuntess no idea I'm not on social media, I just liked the quote.

It would be a good quote, if he wasn't being so hypocritical.

I don't blame him though - that quote is just bravado - as for most people, unkind words hurt. Often a lot.

Yep, the same people who decry "political correctness" or the "professionally offended" are usually the same people who would like free license to make sexist/racist etc comments. It's pretty easy not to offend the majority of people - think before you speak and try to be kind. If you're continually offending people you may need to rethink your communication style.

So offending another person by making a thoughtless comment, and personal comment is okay? People should be okay with that? So you're saying bullying is fine?

rolls eyes at this ridiculous post

One thing I have noticed on here is that people are often given extremely poor advice because a lot of posters think the only way to respond is to be ‘nice’ and tell OPs they are right.

The thing is, sometimes it’s much more constructive to tell them something they don’t want to hear. It might offend them but if it makes them think it might do them some IRL good.

I believe that people choose to feel offended,

The mantra of every bully and offensive person out there.

I have to say the Meghan Markle posts are an example of this. There is one particular poster who is constantly getting the Megan Markle threads pulled by making accusations of racism. But there’s no racism on the thread. Snobbery and misogyny yes, but no racism.

But there’s one poster who perceived any comment about MM in less than glowing terms as racist.

The mantra of every bully and offensive person out there.

Bullying is a sustained campaign of psychological harassment. Expressing an opinion others might not like is not.

If you publicly tell an employee they look awful every day and unfairly criticise their work that is bullying. If you take them aside and explain they are not dressed appropriately for work and deal with genuine performance issues via appraisal and official performance management.

Both will probably offend them. But only one of them is bullying.

People are much to quick to pull the bullying card out these days. Personal attacks are bullying, but telling someone that they are wrong and you disagree and doing it in a way which concentrates on issues rather than personalities is not bullying.

Obviously there is 'reasonably offended' and 'unreasonably offended', but the subjectivity of those judgements makes it impossible to say for certain which is which. However, a blanket statement like 'people choose to be offended' is just stupid. If someone calls me a 'fat, stupid twat', they are being offensive, so if I am offended, that's why.

I know the difference between bullying and offending, thank you very much.

I also know the difference between constructive criticism brought in a sensitive manner to help the person perform better, and being an offensive twerp, thank you very much.

The only people who claim that being offended is a choice, are people who like being offensive dickwads.

People who take offence at generic, non targeted statements that don’t harm individuals are snowflakes. So for example if someone was preaching that slitty eyed yellow skinned people are disgusting chinkys in general that would be fine as its not targeted at any individual person? I shouldnt take offence because its not personally directed at me and if i do im a snowflake? yh ok. (this has happened to me, not the exact words but along the same lines of it, said person trying to justify his words because 'that was his experience and he was entitled to his opinion'). Is anyone who is coming out with the sticks and stones shit, none white/UK background, or disabled etc? this in buckets.

Ricky gervais and Stephen fry are both white middle aged men. Yes Stephen fry will have received some homophobic abuse in his life but apart from that they are both pretty high up society's abuse ladder. The lower down the ladder you are, the more abuse you receive and it's not up to any one further up the ladder to tell any one below them not to take offence.

Why is it ok to insult white middle-aged men? Are they immune from offence?

They are not a homogenous group that thinks as one any more than any other rout in society. After all, Jeremy Corbyn is a white middle-aged man and I don’t see many people on here spitting that insult at him.

Rout? Group, I mean

Why is it ok to insult white middle-aged men? Who said that it was? I dont I have read anyone on this thread suggesting it was?

White middle aged men don't get much abuse is my point!. No it's not ok to abuse them.

The offence being debated here is relative. The op is offended by those who are offended (so called snow flakes). The irony. If she wasn't and with no emotional involvement, there would be no debate. Pot/kettle and all that.
I also, agree that most people who feel offended by the snow flakes seem to be very similar minded with backward views. They should be the only people listened to. Take it on the chin or shut the fuck up type of people. They are the very same people who will claim you need to explain to them why something would/will/is offensive. When you do explain, they brush it off and in most cases will say, that's irrelevant and we should be able to get along because it's you who sees the problem because they could not see it. If you hadn't mentioned it there would be no problem. It's ok for people like the op to infringe and invade personal or cultural spaces as long as you don't mention it. That is a no no because by doing so you are encroaching in there personal space where they can say what they want with no impunity.

As I have always said. Freedom of speech does not mean you have to be a dickhead. It comes with responsibility. Some people are to selfish to think and see beyond themselves.
I believe that most people like the op think about themselves first and change or debate they don't agree with is against them and should be sit down by call them snow flakes for not accepting and taking the hate they dish out.

So offending another person by making a thoughtless comment, and personal comment is okay?

YES!! the right to cause offence - the right of free speech in other words - exists. You, or I, or ANYONE have no "right" to never feel offended.

I hold my right to feel offended as precious to me.