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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 parties- 1 date. First invite takes priority?

77 replies

Rory786 · 25/03/2018 21:19

DD1 is 5. She was given a birthday invite 2-3 weeks

Now SIL has invited all of us to go to her place for a party, its 2 hours away and 2 hours before the birthday invite.

For me, its a matter of principle and the first invite takes priority, but dh is saying its silly as his sister's party is more closer and involves the whole family going so we should go to that.
WWYD?

OP posts:

llangennith · 25/03/2018 21:28

Matter of principle? I don’t think so. Be honest with yourself, you just don’t want to go to SILs party.
DD will probably enjoy her friend’s party more so why don’t you take her there and tell DH to go to his sister’s?

AJPTaylor · 25/03/2018 21:30

if you have accepted the first that is a done deal.
if you havent accepted first jyst pick the one you would rather go to.

edwinbear · 25/03/2018 21:30

I agree with you OP. It's terribly bad manners to renage on an invitation you've accepted because you've had another offer.

SoftSheen · 25/03/2018 21:30

If you've already replied to the first invite, DD should go to that party. If you haven't yet replied, go to whichever you prefer but be sure to RSVP to both promptly.

Littlebelina · 25/03/2018 21:32

Have you said yes to the first party? If so I would go to that as pulling out would be awkward and a bit rude.

Fruitcorner123 · 25/03/2018 21:32

I think you could pull out of the other party without upsetting the people if you give them a decent amount of notice. If you dont want to go to SIL that's a different matter and you should maybe split into two groups as pp said. You take DD to her party and DH goes to his sisters

HolyShet · 25/03/2018 21:36

It depends
If DD is invited to a whole class party by a kid she doesn't play with, then DH might be right, or at least it's to be discussed. If it's a tea party for 6 at her best friends' house, then it would be rude and hurtful to pull out.

Original poster

Rory786 · 25/03/2018 21:39

Thank you for all your replies. I already RSVP'd to the school mum and she thanked me for being so prompt to reply. She has hired a hall, entertainer etc.

Llangennith, you are mistaken. I am very fond of SIL. Its just I cant think of what to say to the school mum without sounding rude. I would rather go with my whole family to SIL's but I think its wrong.
Really torn about this. How on earth can you say to someone, I'm not coming to your party because another one has popped up?
Plus I can imagine DD saying at school, we had such a fun time at my cousins!

OP posts:

pigshavecurlytails · 25/03/2018 21:40

SIL is ridiculously late with the invite. of course you go with the first one.

Joleney · 25/03/2018 21:43

Tell dh to go to SIL, your dd goes to her friend's party.

Otherwise you'll get a reputation and dd might not get invited to that girl's party next time.

HolyShet · 25/03/2018 21:45

hall and entertainer = there will be 40+ kids there
you can get away with not going unless it's one of your DD's best friends
you say "I'm terribly sorry DH has committed us to something else and we hadn't checked diaries", and send a little card/gift into school for the birthday child

DragonMummy1418 · 25/03/2018 21:46

Definitely think long term here - reneging on an invite might mean there isn't a second invite from this child and your DD loses a friend/s because the bad blood between parents.

Go to the one you said you would and let DH go alone to his sisters.

GreenShadow · 25/03/2018 21:50

I don't see too much of an issue with asking the original party-giver mum if there would be a problem if you pulled out as a family event is being held.
Most people will acknowledge that a family event usually wins over causal friends.
But as others have said, this may depend on numbers invited and the closeness of the children's friendships.

cariadlet · 25/03/2018 21:51

I agree with the OP's perspective that it's a point of principle. It's very rude to accept an invitation and then renege on it when you get a better offer. It would be even more awkward to do so as the school mum has thanked you for rsvp'ing.

Take dd to the school party, explain and apologise to your SIL and send your dh to your SIL's party.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 25/03/2018 21:54

Did you know about sil's birthday? I really can't imagine getting an invite without thinking "Hmm that's the same weekend as sil/dn/dm/db/ds birthday, I wonder have they anything planned, better check before I RSVP"

SecondaryConfusion · 25/03/2018 21:55

HolyShet advice is good. Please give the birthday child a present and card before the party, its the sort of thing young children remember. However if it is a close friend of your DD, then you should take DD to the school friends party.

PrincessScarlett · 25/03/2018 21:55

Your DD is 5. At that age it will be a hall with at least 30 kids. She will not be missed. I certainly would think nothing of it if I was the party organiser. You and your DD will not be ostracized from future parties as some have implied.

If however it is your DDs best friend then there is more sway to attend the kids party.

TheNoodlesIncident · 25/03/2018 21:55

OTOH, a party given by a classmate will be more helpful in building friendships at school than an event with your DD's extended family.

Since the other invitation was extended first and accepted, it would be incredibly bad form to pull out because of that, regardless of the numbers of children expected to attend.

i'm sure there will be other family events that you can take DD to, especially if your SIL gives a reasonable amount of notice. Your DH can go to SIL's in your stead.

niknac1 · 25/03/2018 21:57

I think you should stick with the rsvpd invite.

Original poster

Rory786 · 25/03/2018 22:04

nocabbageinmyeye, it is not SIL's birthday. She is having all the family together.

The birthday child is not DD's best friend but I just cant help feeling its wrong...

OP posts:

PorkFlute · 25/03/2018 22:05

I’d stick with the one you’ve replied to. It would be bad manners to pull out for a ‘better’ offer and an adult party will be dull as dishwater to your dd compared to the soft play/bouncy castle or whatever there will be at a child’s party. Arrange to go for a meal with your sil the following weekend to celebrate.

PorkFlute · 25/03/2018 22:05

Oh I see it’s not sils birthday. Could you arrange a family get together at another time?

Batmanwearspants · 25/03/2018 22:06

you've RSVP'd. You go. Simple

SadieHH · 25/03/2018 22:08

Stick with the first one. School friend parties massively trump family parties in most kids’ eyes. My dds would be devastated if I pulled them out of a friend’s party to go to a family one.

Leeds2 · 25/03/2018 22:09

Could you take DD to the school party, send DH alone to SIL's and then take DD to SIL's yourself later in the day?

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