Partner in bed all day sick. Aibu?

[Kittysparks1]

Ok, partner was up last night being sick. He slept on the sofa. I got up with baby at 7am and told him to go get his head down for a few hours. He came downstairs once today, laid on the sofa for 10 minutes then announced he was going back to bed where he has been ever since.

Must be nice to be able to rest when you are ill. I was in exactly the same position a few weeks ago yet was up, co parenting, pushing through because we are both knackered (night wakings with baby). I've been really poorly before and it's just expected that I get up, struggle to look after the baby, he goes to work without a thought.

I know I'm being unreasonable. He is ill. But I feel resentful, even though I've rationally discussed this with myself in my head all day. I'm trying to ignore it. I've been out and got him some energy drinks/giving him meds/offered food/being understanding and sympathetic.

Have any of you been in this position and felt injustice or am I just not very nice?

If you are well YABU. Next time you are ill ask him to do his share.

Next time you're ill, don't pressure yourself to be superhero and do work. Sleep.

Well if you’d had to go to work he’d have had to get up but you didn’t. So why shouldn’t a sick person stay in bed? Next time you’re sick stay in bed.

Same here for me! I was really unwell last month but was still doing everything, my partner had the shits last week and spent all day in bed ffs

Most people have been there. It's really your problem due to having matyred yourself previously and expecting him to do the same. Harsh but true. Still annoying though.

Why on earth did you carry on as usual when sick?

I was sick last weekend. Nuro. I couldn’t hold a coherent conversation and was exhausted to the point of fainting from walking up the stairs. why the hell should I co parent when a perfectly healthy parent is available to take over? Don’t be a martyr OP

If you could do exactly the same if you were ill and he would just get on with the kids no problem then there's no issue.

I completely understand what you are saying, I have been ill a couple of times since my baby has been born and only managed to rest one day. My boy is 10 months and it's so much easier for men. I get frustrated too, I always say to him you are so lucky you can rest and feel better. He's a great dad but just not as understanding when it comes to me being ill. You are doing the right thing by being supportive to him and hopefully you can get through to him that sometimes you need the rest too mum life is forever busy and we are always wanted.

Stop being a martyr then

Next time you are ill you take to your bed which is exactly what you should be doing

Folks who are ill need to stay out of the way so they don't infect those around them and I don't have to pander to them either

What lozxx? Why can’t your partner look after his baby by himself?

For minute I thought you were my DH writing about me. I too have been up all night being sick and feel dreadful. I have stayed in bed all day and my DH has has taken over all parenting responsibilities without complaint. If he's genuinely ill then why shouldn't he recover in bed if you're around to look after any children? Just make sure you get to do the same next time you're poorly.

So the next time you are ill on a day when you are both at home, you have two choices. You can drag yourself out of bed, feel dreadful all day, spread your germs around. Or you can do the sensible thing and go back to bed. Unless of course you think he can't manage the dc without you.

When I am sick, if my DH is at home, I stay in bed. If we are both sick, we share the misery.
It's only when I am on my own that I have to cope with the kids, which is awful when you have the flu and so on. just don't be a martyr and rest next time you are unwell. I just wouldn't expect my DH to stay home unless I am in a coma, but at the weekend, I would be in bed.

Lovely the way people are blaming the op here. I presume she didn't exactly have a choice when she had to push on through while ill. I'd have to be dying before my dh took time off work to look after me/dd. He even convened a work meeting in the cafe of the hospital where I was having a C-section for example.

I've been really poorly before and it's just expected that I get up, struggle to look after the baby

"expected" by whom exactly? YABU and a martyr.

My dcs are older now but DH and I have both have sick days (I am lying in bed right now with a migraine), if you're properly ill what can you do? In that case, we would expect the other to take on the majority of child care, but would not expect them to run around buying energy drinks . Grow a pair - if you're ill, look after yourself and go to bed. When your DP is ill, he looks after himself and also gets to go to bed.

Well your H sounds like a crap parent and husband tbh steamcloud. I didn’t assume the OPs husband was a shit parent, maybe he is? Still, I’d just let him be a shit parent on a Sunday if I were ill.

Don't be a martyr. If you are ill go to bed. Let him stay out of the way and keep his germs to himself and you do the same when it is you.

If op is going to come back and drip feed that actually she is in an abusive relationship where she was coerced or bullied into carrying on as normal when ill, then I wouldn't place the blame at her feet

But, like many women if she is caving to her own societal expectations that women always have to soldier on then yes, she needs to take responsibility for that

I drive my DH nuts by going to bed when I am sick and not just pushing through. But when I am sick, not very often, I am sick and have no interest in pretending otherwise. I am happy for him to stay in bed but he often tries to keep going, as an adult I think that this is his choice and let him get on with it. This is at weekends, during week days we both have stuff to do.

Steam your husband sounds awful

Yeah I once had flu with a temp of 104 and was hallucinating. DH still went out to work & left me with 3 under 3, didn't even call to see how I was. I lay on the sofa and we watched tv all day. I think I really hated him that day, it wasn't safe to leave me in charge of pets let alone 2 babies & a toddler.

We survived though, but I hear you. It's not fair.

The OP makes it clear that she got up to "co parent" when she was ill. Which means they were both there anyway. Not a work day, so no time off required. So there was a choice to be made. Unless there is much more to this story...

It's not the same to go to work, or go to the pub or staying on the sofa watching tv!

I wouldn't have asked my DH to stay home because I had the flu, or D&V. I wouldn't be too impressed if he was asking me to stay home when he 's ill!

Ah so not many people have felt the way I do then.

I suppose I am being a martyr, and that's the problem. If the way to overcome the feeling of injustice is to do the same, i will have to live with the injustice.

Unfortunately, I would have to be near death to get a whole day in bed, my choice. I parent our baby better because I am his main care giver, I couldn't lay in bed listening to him cry for me, no matter how ill I am.

It's been a long day! Baby is in bed so glass of wine will blur the caring!

Thanks mumsnetters, harsh but true. No sugar coating here!

My poor partner with such a selfish woman!!

I do think there’s a difference in having to ‘soldier on through’ if your DP has to go to work, that’s fair enough. You surely can’t expect your partner to take time off work because you have a virus?

But to soldier on through of an evening/when he’s home/at the weekend, well yeah that’s just you being a martyr - go to bed next time and leave him to get on with it all.