Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Stairgates - totally stupid argument

84 replies

melclaire1111 · 25/03/2018 08:28

Dh and I are moving soon and have a nearly 2 year old dd. At our current house we 'Can't put stair gates on the top of the stairs as there's no banister to one side so nothing to attach it to, which sees me having Dd attached to my side as I'm so paranoid she will go falling down the stairs. We did have one on her room but dh took that off to give to the parents in law for their stairs.

We are moving house in a month so we're talking about how many gates we need. I want 3, one at the bottom of the stairs, one on Dd's room and one of the top of the stairs.

He has gone mental and said I'm over reacting and we only need one on the top of the stairs and she'll just have to learn. We're putting her into a bed when we move as well so I want one on her room so she Can't go running across the hall in the Night (We're buying a 3 storey house and she will be in the floor above us) his answer to that is we'll put a lock on her door so she Can't get out which I don't agree with!

Dh works away a lot so I'm often left to bath time in my own so I don't think he realises how much easier having one on both her room and the stairs will make things.

He's now in a massive strop and gone to bed after his night shift calling me all sorts of names and telling me that I never want Dd to grow up! I just want to make sure she is safe!

Reading back this sounds like the most pathetic argument but it's really bugging me!

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 25/03/2018 08:30

Why has he “gone mental” and been “calling you names”? Does he often do that when the two of you disagree?

NellytheElephant18 · 25/03/2018 08:30

I’d ditch the H if I were you and buy as many stair gates as you like!

kaytee87 · 25/03/2018 08:35

He's 'gone mental' and is calling you names over some stair gates?

EB123 · 25/03/2018 08:40

Well his reaction is very unreasonable of course and i would be addressing his behaviour towards you.

I do think just one gate on her door would be sufficient. I don't have any gates on the stairs, i always though one at the top was more of a hazard incase they try to climb over? Plus it's a tripping hazard at the top of the stairs.

WhereIsBlueRabbit · 25/03/2018 08:41

A lock on the door is not acceptable!

Is there a way of fixing a piece of wood to the wall and then attaching the stair gate to it? That's what we did in our last place.

loveulotslikejellytots · 25/03/2018 08:41

Shouting and name calling isn't right.

We have the same set up as you, 3 storey house. Our stairs are very wide and wider at the top than the bottom (because of some boxing in hiding pipes I think). Anyway we don't have stair gates. Just one on DD's room. If I need to potter around upstairs then she plays in her room. She has also learnt how to do the stairs properly but she was a very early walker so when we moved in she was 14months and already doing the stairs with help. I would have had more gates if they would have fit. But actually, dd is just over 2 y/o and has learnt how to do the stairs safely and the gate on her room was handy when the side had to come off her cot, she can't go far!

WhereIsBlueRabbit · 25/03/2018 08:41

The pressure bar kind are a trip hazard at the top of stairs. We've never had any issues with the screw fit kind though.

ProseccoPoppy · 25/03/2018 08:42

Your H would hate me! We have a two year old and a second on the way in a three storey house and we have five stair gates in the house (one at the top and bottom of both flights of stairs and one on the kitchen door in case we want DD kept out of the kitchen while it’s being cleaned or want to shut the dog in the kitchen). We then have a sixth stair gate at the top of the stairs in our outbuilding (which is my office and which DD is rarely in) just in case. I would be deeply uncomfortable with locking a child (or anyone for that matter!) in their bedroom, seems all kinds of wrong to me. As does flipping out over stair gates. Is he usually a shouty muppet?

GreenVoyage · 25/03/2018 08:42

YAB OTT with the staircases IMO. You don't need three! However your DH is BVU with his reaction and suggesting a lock. Compromise and have 2 and tell him to sort his attitude out!

Thishatisnotmine · 25/03/2018 08:44

In a three storey house stairs and bedroom door seems sensible. I wouldn't bother with one at the bottom of the stairs at 2. We found it a good age to start teaching dd1 about not going up the stairs without us, then how to safely when she was slightly older.

Don't lock the door though, I hope your dh realises what a horrible thing to do that would be.

Wetcappuccino · 25/03/2018 08:44

We have 2 - bedroom door and bottom of stairs. Apparently it is dangerous to have a gate at the top of the stairs as it would be worse if they were to climb it and fall over.

SwearingMakesEverythingBetter · 25/03/2018 08:45

To answer you actual question, most people seem to manage with 2, one at the top of the stairs and one at the bottom. Given that you'll be sleeping on a different floor I wouldn't rule out one for her room. Why don't you start with 2 and see how it goes?

And tell him he has to speak to you more respectfully even if you disagree. It is not necessary for a disagreement to become an argument.

megletthesecond · 25/03/2018 08:45

Your DH is being unreasonable.

I always had stairgates at the top and bottom of the stairs and one across their bedroom door. It makes life less stressful.

Cornettoninja · 25/03/2018 08:46

It's pretty simple - he's a dickhead. It sounds like you're the one primarily responsible for her safety so you get to make that call.

I sympathise with your current set up, we have a similar situation which makes half the house completely unusable for dd which makes me sad since it's tiny anyway. Next house (thankfully rented) will be chosen with kamazi kids in mind!

Mrscog · 25/03/2018 08:48

I think your DH is being unreasonable but at nearly 2 teach her how to go down the stairs backwards safely - saves a lot of stress.

SharronNeedles · 25/03/2018 08:51

Ask what his plan would be if your child was locked in their room and there was a fire? Or something less extreme like they want a wee in the middle of the night? Or a drink? Are you expected to carry keys around like a gaoler?

Peachyking000 · 25/03/2018 08:52

Won’t a child that age just try to climb over them anyway? My DS did, so in the end it was safer not to have them. Your DH was rude though

MemoriesOfAnotherFuture · 25/03/2018 08:54

It’s not really about the stair gates, is it? It’s about his reaction. It could be an argument about anything but to take a “massive strop” and call you names is not good.

To answer your actual question, I have a three year old and have always just had one gate at the top of the stairs. However, it’s up to the adults in the house to decide what’s best for them like, well, adults, rather than stropping off about it.

Lindy2 · 25/03/2018 08:54

If you think 3 gates are better go ahead and get 3 gates. Why is he is argumentative about it? Does he react this way to other things too? The fact he took the gate off her room and gave it to his parents is not on either. I'm sorry but his behaviour sounds pretty awful.

dangermouseisace · 25/03/2018 08:55

DH is being unreasonable. Of course you need one at top and bottom of the stairs, as otherwise a child can go up/down from whichever end doesn’t have the gate and fall.

You can’t put a lock on the door. She’s a child, not a prisoner.

Do you reall want to be with this person?

NewMe18 · 25/03/2018 08:57

4DC and never had one stairgate. I hate them.

But you do want them so your DH needs to come to a compromise

averylongtimeago · 25/03/2018 08:58

If he is going mental and calling you names over a couple of stair gates, you have a DH problem, not a stair gate problem.

Aspergallus · 25/03/2018 08:58

OP you'll always get conflicting opinions on stair gates on a site like this, because everyone's children are different. I had none with sensible child1 and several with child2. You just need to do what's right for your child. Go with your gut and make sure you remove them at the point your child starts trying to climb over them. Top and bottom of the stairs isn't unreasonable and I can understand the bedroom door one if your child isn't on the same floor as you.

Scotinoz · 25/03/2018 08:59

I'll only address the stair gate part, but we moved into a house with stairs with an almost 2 year old and had no stair gates. I guess it depends on the child, but it's better to teach them how to get up and down safely, plus climbing over a gate is worse.

I reckon one on the bedroom door for night is the most you need.

NewMe18 · 25/03/2018 09:03

People leave them up for far too long and get use to their kids not being able to accsss the whole house. 2/3 year olds should be going down on their bums or learning to walk down holding a bannister.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread