Stairgates - totally stupid argument

[melclaire1111]

Dh and I are moving soon and have a nearly 2 year old dd. At our current house we 'Can't put stair gates on the top of the stairs as there's no banister to one side so nothing to attach it to, which sees me having Dd attached to my side as I'm so paranoid she will go falling down the stairs. We did have one on her room but dh took that off to give to the parents in law for their stairs.

We are moving house in a month so we're talking about how many gates we need. I want 3, one at the bottom of the stairs, one on Dd's room and one of the top of the stairs.

He has gone mental and said I'm over reacting and we only need one on the top of the stairs and she'll just have to learn. We're putting her into a bed when we move as well so I want one on her room so she Can't go running across the hall in the Night (We're buying a 3 storey house and she will be in the floor above us) his answer to that is we'll put a lock on her door so she Can't get out which I don't agree with!

Dh works away a lot so I'm often left to bath time in my own so I don't think he realises how much easier having one on both her room and the stairs will make things.

He's now in a massive strop and gone to bed after his night shift calling me all sorts of names and telling me that I never want Dd to grow up! I just want to make sure she is safe!

Reading back this sounds like the most pathetic argument but it's really bugging me!

I think it's safer for children to learn how to use the stairs when they are young, if they are still crawling it is easy to teach them to go backwards instead of when they are older when they might try to walk down before they are ready. DS learnt to go up stairs at 6 months and down stairs at 9 months.

DS only needed the stairgate at the top of the stairs as he might have fallen down when playing on the landing. The bottom wasn't a problem as he knew he was on the stairs and that he couldn't get down so he would just cry for me to carry him down. I was always closely watching him because of his age of course! By the time he was a toddler he was perfectly competent at negotiating the stairs.

I did teach my child to use the stairs, but I wasn't keen on the idea he would be walking around in a half asleep state. That's why I felt that a stairgate was important, well beyond the point that I was happy he was safe on stairs.

I found a good way to teach the feet first idea was with slides at the park :) Then just reminding each and every time they got down from everything - bed, sofa, small step - it turned into being an instinct and he never tried to go down forwards.

Love the assumption that people who use stair gates don't bother teaching their kids how to use the stairs!

I know Owlina, my Mum had a stair gate in the 70s and to this day I still have no idea how to walk upstairs. Cost me a fortune to buy my bungalow.

"And locking her in her room with a stairgate doesnt seem that different to locking her in her room with the door."

Make the house completely dark, fill it full of smoke and see how different it is. Especially seeing as the OP is sleeping on a different floor and might not be the one rescuing the DD.

Before anyone says that it OTT, there have been many children die in house fires when the Carers have been sleeping on a different floor.

Being on a different floor and the child waking up, still half asleep and upset and not knowing if to go up or down to find Mummy, changes things.

As for one poster saying that there were falls, but no injuries, that was pure luck. Like Fireguards, A&E is full of Parents who thought they didn't need one.

That's beside the point, the Op is the dull time Parent, she gets to decide. When her DH is home, he can take them off, again. He has been verbally abusive, that is never acceptable.

I’d be thinking of changing the sleeping arrangements tbh. A two year old in a bed for the first time on a different floor in a new house? Rather you than me. She could find it quite scary.

I didn't need one at the bottom of stairs with my first child, but did with my second. I also put another one in on landing from bathroom as getting two kids ready is stressful enough. So I have 4 in total now.
Your dh sounds very strange to be so upset by this

He sounds horrible.

Wild guess, money is a bit tight with the move, he is the sole earner and just not quite into the idea of equality/your role being as valuable as his...?

Nope, just read another of your threads. He’s just your regular run of the mill arsehole.