to not allow our DS to have a smart phone (secondary school age)

[snowdropsrout]

DS goes to secondary school in Sep. Doesn't have a smart phone at moment in Yr6 . We were thinking 'big school' was the time we'd give in and let him have one. However, he seems prone to bullying/being picked on in school already. We are worried about what will happen when he delves into the cesspit of social media. Do all year 7s have smart phones? Do any/many parents not let their DC have them? Do kids get picked on/left out for not having one? I'm assuming yes! When I see things like this below it really scares me. Its been bad enough with 'ordinary' bullying sad

www.facebook.com/Ninecomau/videos/1750109161694755/?hc_ref=ARRvFV3xEeF-c4QabAqL29K_tPcBTso8j0r52NJT1TrpkSdcKrEAOe8Eng3-oDgivS8&pnref=story

It comes across as nasty.

Says the person relaxed about sweeping condemnation of all British parents baed of having met a few Americans. Although, presumably not Americans who buy their children M16 assault rifles.

Pretty much everyone has a phone in year 7. My 11 year old doesn't use social media though except WhatsApp groups with school /guides friends which are 99% nonsense. She knows that the understanding with her having a phone is that I get to look at it.

rach01pink not having something which virtually everyone else has singles you out to bullies

My youngest son is in y7 and smart phones are the norm at his comp. in y6 I got him a cheap smartphone to see if he could keep it in tact. His birthday was in the summer holidays and we upgraded him to an iPhone. He is not interested in Social Media but has WhatsApp for general texting. His friends seem to be very similar. 99% of his messages are "what time are you going to play PS4?" as online gaming his how his friends interact. I find that this has a much more serious potential for creating strife than social media

Having WhatsApp in y6 meant that I was able to navigate social media with him. He learned stuff like chain messages are annoying, messages can be screenshot so watch what you say and don't get involved in online messaging spats. Once they get to 13/14, they want privacy so won't be discussing who has beef with whom etc

rach01pink do you have a year 7 child or a teenager?
Why would you set an 11 year old up to feel isolated because everyone else can contact each other via modern technology? Seriously, this is the way the world works these days. If a child is uncontactable at the touch of a button, believe me they will get left out.

I find it interesting that younger teens and tweens use WhatsApp. DD is in year 13 and neither she nor any of her friends use WhatsApp. They mainly use Messenger and Snapchat, with the odd bit of Instagram thrown in.

My y12 ds uses Facebook Messenger and FaceTime (with his gf)
My y10 dd uses Snapchat and Instagram
My y7 ds uses WhatsApp

British parents are rather lax about use of devices

You got blanket condemnation from that? You have a hysterical posting style. People are discussing something and you are ranting and trying to sound smart and, if I may say, like a bully. I don't know what guns have to do with it. There are a great many problems in other countries, granted. Does that mean we cannot make comparisons in other areas? There's no need to be so mean and snarky, just state your opinion like everyone else. Grow up.

I don't know why this is making you so angry.

That was to cuboidalslipshoddy

It's fine. Just install Applock

All my kin are American tho' I live in UK.
Mothers Day gathering 2003, Aunt put on a Spiderman film for the many kids aged 3-6 that I thought was WAY too violent. USA kids all fine with it, sort of film violence they are quite used to.
2007, HEing Cousin says that unschooling just wouldn't work for her since her boys (both under 10yo) would play computer games 24/7.
2010, Cousin#235, his 3yo had games on a phone that my 10yo wasn't allowed to play.

I can't comment on the French.

I'm 30 and I got my first mobile phone for going to secondary school (age 11). So I would say it pretty normal to have a phone at that age.

My stepson has had a mobile phone since he was about 10 (he is 15 now) on the condition that his parents can and do check it periodically. Although this has now reduced as we are trying to show a level of trust for his age and nothing has ever been found mostly just group chats about football/fortnite and meet ups.

British children do not get phones any earlier than American children. CNN did a study around the world last year on children and mobile phone usage. 46% of European children (including Britain, Ireland, Denmark, Belgium etc) had phones age 9-16. 45% of US children had their own phone, but age 10-12, so a lot younger than some of the European children. Saying British parents are lax about phones is like saying American parents are lax about guns. Neither is true of all parents, only some.

Also, not giving your child a phone doesn't actually protect them from what they might see on Youtube or social media, because if everyone around them has phones, you have no control over what their friends show them. My daughter doesn't have instagram but some of her friends so, so it's likely she gets shown stuff on their instagram feeds I may not approve of. All you can do it talk to your child about safety and sensible use and try to keep up with the technology so you know what they are doing.

Some of the comments above seem to be from posters who haven't read things I've posted - or ignored as they didn't fit with their assumtion that I'm some kind of 'worthy' lentil knitting (whatever the f that is!) holier than thou parent intentionally marking my kid out as different. He does have a phone already, he does have supervised access to IT in a household with two laptops, two tablets, two smartphones and a PC. We're not in the dark ages! Nobody has made any comment on the fact that a 10 year old in DS's class was trying to show him porn on HIS smartphone recently! I did also say that we'll probaly get him a smart phone. Maybe read what I've said before posting negative coments? A kid I knew from my primary school was found hanging in a tree in our local woods due to bullying so I don't need mumsnetters patronisingly pointed out to me the problems with bullying which I'm already well aware of. To those who mentioend their DC's fared better in secondary school - thats good to hear. I live in hope! My DC had another bad day today. When some of the little charmers in his class are saying " I hate you" to his face, can't wait to see the fun they'll have on social media in a few years time. But hey, its my own 'principles' I'm thinking of apparently. .

My son is in y7 & has an old Nokia 3310. But his school
Doesn't allow phones with cameras or internet access until y9. So no one has a smart phone at school- they all have bricks.

I was very pleased with this rule- and DS was just happy to have any phone!

Our DC got smart phones at 13 (years of age) roughly year9. (They are not allowed them school anyway or have to give them in and the beginning of school and collect them at the end, no point really apart from keeping in contact on going and coming from school. I thought we were late but 2 of her friends didn't get one til 14 and 15.
My DD 16, doesn't do social media (her choice). But generally, i think children get smartphones too early and with all this corruption of privacy on data, i think they need to be a bit more mature before getting one. An old fashioned non smartphone will do the job meanwhile. Just my opinion though.