To say 'fuck it' and have no routine?

[lisajane29]

You've heard it all before: DD is 4 months old - wakes every 90 minutes at night, has just started refusing to sleep in her crib and won't sleep in cot either and now has to be rocked to sleep and CONTINUOUSLY rocked for the duration of all naps.

She FIGHTS naps. Today, I was rocking her on my knee while singing 'Row, Row, Row your boat' and she was smiling, laughing, looking around and generally doing anything but sleep. I put her down, told my DH and DM (who was round) that she hadn't slept in 3 hours, needed a nap before her activity and I wasn't doing it.

They couldn't get her to sleep. Problem (?!) is, she's absolutely fine without the sleep. Isn't grizzly or upset, just happy and smily and normal so rather than drive myself fucking insane with this nap/ sleep schedule, would I be unreasonable to have zero nap routine and just see what happens tomorrow?

What could go wrong?

Don't bother with a routine, except possibly at bedtime. Once you start weaning at 6 months onwards, a routine will naturally start develop around mealtimes.

Not that there's much use in comparing, but often she didn't nap at all in the day, if she did though it would be once in the afternoon for a couple of hours or so. She is now almost sitting up without help so getting much more tired so for nearly a week she has had a decent 2-3 hr nap each afternoon. I never worried about day time naps because she sleeps through the night. She's never got anywhere near the daily quota of sleep but I don't mind. Although it's very tiring in the day having no breaks.

Okay my 3 never had a morning nap really. Their afternoon nap did happen, more because I needed downtime/a nap.
Sometime playing in their cot or sitting in a chair without my input was important.

Intelligent children tend to need less sleep.
And night time sleep is the crucial one for sane parents.

There really isn't any one way to do things, and after 3 what works with one doesn't work with others.

As for Nursery in September - they will have their own routines, and ways of coping with non-conforming children.

I never napped as a baby, or cried much. I just sat up and stared at stuff. When my DBro came along who had naps and cried more my DM took him to the drs because she thought there was something wrong with him

DD slept for 45 minutes, 3 times a day, at random times, from 6 weeks until 12 months, when she decided that naps were not her thing.

DS both slept like text book babies, but I was a more relaxed parent by then....

Good luck.

"Intelligent children tend to need less sleep"??

How so?

I agree with the waking for 2 minutes feeds being more of a soothing one and helping them do that themselves like we do.
My DD seemed to realise it was time to sleep at night at about 4-5 months when I started putting her in a grobag,by the time I'd started on the zips she had both arms spread and eyes closed.She did wake for the quick feeds where what she really wanted was to play
We left her to cry a couple of times one night(with my h holding me sobbing more than she was).She cried less the second time and woke later and just burbled to herself and back to sleep.It took one night and from then on she slept 6 hours each night.I think I was lucky.Shes 14 and I think I still am.
The best thing were there were not so many rules and theories about apart from ridged ones that sounded too tiring for me.
Going with her lead seemed to work best,each baby is different.

My twopenneth worth is that routines are overrated and don't work for all children. My DD wouldn't nap either. I left her to it in the end. It was a bit painful when she was very small as she basically didn't need to sleep much at all. But - that was just who she was. And we left her to it. As a result, she was a very adaptable, flexible toddler who could be taken out anywhere at any time. And life was a heck of a lot easier as a result when she got to 4 or 5 as we weren't saddled with the "got to leave anywhere we go at 4.30 to get back for 5pm tea and 7pm bed" curfew that a lot of people had.

She's now 9. She still doesn't need much sleep but is a wonderful sleeper when she does! Go with what your child needs and don't worry about what others tell you she "should" do.

Routines are so tying, better for a child to be adaptable. Do whatever you like

OP, you will always get lots of support for having no routine on MN.
Routines are considered A Bad Thing and you should apparently spend you day looking out for your baby's 'cues' and letting your baby dictate its own routine. As if you have nothing else to do all day.
FWIW, all three of mine thrived on a routine and I felt a little more in control having a general idea of how the day would pan out. Clearly the routine changes as the baby gets older, and sometimes things got in the way, but at least I didn't spend my days looking out for 'cues' and not knowing what was likely to happen when.
I am a great believer in parents taking charge, but there are not many fans of this on MN.

If my baby is awake after 20 mins of trying to settle him, I skip that nap. YANBU.

One article on gifted children needing less sleep

@KoshaMangsho I've tracked every wee, poo, feed and sleep since she was born on the Glow App - trust me...no routine! I've attached a photo of the past few days.

@Bekabeech alas, not nursery (where someone can sort her out!) She's going to be looked after by my mother full time.

@cathf I really, really, really would love a routine. I thrive on routines in my own daily life and I am a hyper organised person so the idea of not having one is killing me but it is so demoralising trying to rock a wide awake baby to sleep and then having to spend the whole nap period rocking, otherwise, she's awake straight away. I don't see any other way round it.

Joanna57

Actually yes, I have gone into meltdown because my child won’t nap. Especially when I’m knackered and I just want ten mins peace away from them. Perhaps even to nap myself! Judge much?

We have a general loose pattern for the day - i try to give DS the opportunity to nap as he’s cranky if he doesn’t but if he doesn’t then there’s not much I can do. My older DS only really go into a pattern about 10month of a morning & afternoon nap. Then a 2 hr nap about 15m - that was lovely

Maybe cut the rocking and just put her down. She might grizzle for a bit, but if she's tired, she will drop off.

@cathf going to start doing that tomorrow and not trying to force her into a nap. Wish me luck!

Oh and I really need to wean myself off the Glow App because that's also taking over my life. Maybe I just need to chill out generally!

I wish you luck!

My cousin had a ds 6 months before I had my Dd. They bought a book & their ds kept to the routine to the minute.
My Dd was allergic to sleep, it felt like we got about an hour in the first 3 weeks!
My cousin, Mum, aunts all kept on about this bloody baby book and getting into a routine.
For about a month I tried everything to get Dd in to the routine, she didn’t want to follow the book & I felt like a total failure.
The very best thing I ever did was put the book in the bin & accept that Dd was going to eat, poo & sleep when she felt like it.
Once I let go of the stress that went with the book & our failure to live in the routine life became much happier.

I’m literally gobsmacked. I had no idea I was so wrong. My baby had to fit in with my life. She was fed when she was hungry and slept when she was tired. She started weaning at 4 months. When I left hospital my midwife gave me a piece of advice which I have always remembered. “Enjoy her”. I have every day. She pisses, shits, eats and sleeps every day and has done since birth. She has 3 unconditional university offers. Oh if only I had stuck to a routine. She would have had 5 😢

Mine would have all been beside themselves if they were awake for more than 2 hours at that age, and been up and down all night if overtired. We were on 4 naps a day at 4 months.
I guess some babies don't need sleep though.

Also mine naturally fell into a routine around 6 months.

I had no clue that a baby was a machine that came with pre programming through a book it read whilst in the womb

You might find that she is not sleeping because she is 'wired' from being up too long. At that age a good awake time is often around 1.45-2 hours so it might be worth trying to put her down quite a lot earlier.

@cathf i was one of the people who mention 'cues' but believe me i didn't let my baby dictate my life. Rather, by taking the opportunity on days when we had nowhere in particular to be to notice when he is usually tired, it meant that i could build a routine from that.

Why would i spend hours of my life rocking and shushing a wide awake baby because i've decided i want him to have a nap at 9.30am, when left alone he'd fall asleep without a fuss at 11?