To say 'fuck it' and have no routine?

[lisajane29]

You've heard it all before: DD is 4 months old - wakes every 90 minutes at night, has just started refusing to sleep in her crib and won't sleep in cot either and now has to be rocked to sleep and CONTINUOUSLY rocked for the duration of all naps.

She FIGHTS naps. Today, I was rocking her on my knee while singing 'Row, Row, Row your boat' and she was smiling, laughing, looking around and generally doing anything but sleep. I put her down, told my DH and DM (who was round) that she hadn't slept in 3 hours, needed a nap before her activity and I wasn't doing it.

They couldn't get her to sleep. Problem (?!) is, she's absolutely fine without the sleep. Isn't grizzly or upset, just happy and smily and normal so rather than drive myself fucking insane with this nap/ sleep schedule, would I be unreasonable to have zero nap routine and just see what happens tomorrow?

What could go wrong?

Our DS is almost 2 and we've never had a nap routine. If he naps that's fine if he doesn't that's fine too. It's never had any negative impact on him or us

I love you all. Quite frankly, I have no idea why I thought she should sleep every 2 and a half hours. I suppose, partly, because my baby pals keep saying things like, "if they don't sleep for 15 hours a day, their brains won't develop and they'll never crawl/ walk/ talk etc.

I'm back to work in Sept (full time) so I guess I wanted a routine for then but you know what, that's ages away!

I need freedom from the rocking in a dark room. Thanks everyone!

Just go with the flow and whatever helps you hold on to sanity m'duck.

If you keep yourself busy with groups, outings, lunch with frieds etc. she will sleep in car/pram etc and you won't have time to focus on it. I found with DS(7) I was obsessed with routine DD(5) just had to fit in with what we were doing as I had a 2 yr old! Both are fine now and I was far more stressed with him. Just relax and enjoy.

mine never napped in the day after the age of about three months - well, almost never, maybe once or twice a month.

He can crawl and walk and talk, and is studying maths at university

YABU at all. Neither of mine had a routine, they slept when they were sleepy (or DS2, when he was grumpy, I'd put him in the car and take him round the block as the only way to get him to sleep)

In fact, DS1 didn't have a routine till he was about 3 and going to playschool... just didn't need it.

Not unreasonable. Never had a routine with my DC until a rough bedtime routine emerged around 14 months.

YANBU

I threw routine to the wind today and it was so much easier. We still got to everything on time (ish) and got everything done (ish) but I didn't spend the whole day forcing an inflexible routine and instead actually thought about my own self care a bit for once- victory!!

At 4 months I wouldn't expect a nap every 2.5 hours. Mine had a morning and afternoon nap, but they would go to sleep. If ever they missed a nap we knew about it.

I am going to say if she is particularly wakeful at night, she might not be getting enough sleep, because mine did this. Weirdly the better they napped, the better they slept!

But; that was mine when babies. So if baby is happy playing, she might not want that particular nap. She might nap later in the day for a little longer. She might sleep better at night for less/no sleep in the day. Every baby is different and it really isn't worth battling to get a baby to sleep unless they desperately need it.

Routine never featured when ours were babies.

We just went with the flow and were lead by them.

During the day, they slept sometimes at whatever time suited - I really didn't care as long as they were happy. We did lots of activities/groups, so naps tended to be in the car.

I have a couple of friends that were obsessed with sleep training and routines. They were neurotic and stressed and very difficult to do stuff with as everything could infringe on bloody nap time.

No point trying to get them into a routine that doesn't suit them. Just make sure you watch for sleep cues so you don't fall into the overtired trap. You might find that if you let her do her own thing and track it over a week or so she might have a bit of a rhythm of her own.

My DD was a champion cat napper. 20-30 mins per nap without fail, never longer. Some days she had 4 of these, some days she only had 1. She's 3 now and doesn't sleep during the day at all and will only sleep 10 hours at night. Yet she doesn't seem tired, she's full of energy all day and settles quickly at night. I figure she just doesn't need much sleep.

ds2 is 7 month and just got into a 24hr routine.
he found his night time routine about 4 months.

ds1 I followed the book, did everything the -right- way.. and aged myself 20 fucking years

he's 3 now and has a fantastic routine.

do what's right for you. like others have said baby will find routine eventually.

We do a club or activity 5 days a week and trying to make sure she's napped before we go is stressing me out so much! I'll enjoy all of it a lot more if I'm not worrying about how long she's been awake for!

I've noticed that babies who are awake most of the day tend to be brighter and develop faster than their sleepy peers. Perhaps they are just subjected to more stimulus?

Nighttimes are bloody awful at the moment: waking every 90 mins for 2 mins of boob and back to sleep. I was worried about overtiredness causing this but it doesn't change if he's had 14 hours sleep or 8.

We've never had a routine. DCs are teenagers now.

Some parents stay sane by having a routine. Others stay sane by going with the flow. Both are just doing what they feel is right and would be driven mad if forced to do the other type of parenting. Babies aren't programmed with set times and averages are just that- statistical averages and not set requirements.
You know how 8 hours is considered the optimum amount of sleep? Would you deny yourself a 9 or 10 hour sleep if you need it? Of course not.

YANBU

Try and keep some rough structure, but from bitter experience - they won't sleep at your command!

Definitely follow her cues and ignore the routine/books. Dc1 never napped, she just didn't seem to need it. She was early to crawl and talk and is incredibly smart (I am of course totally objective here)

Dc2 has a fairly set napping routine, but because that's what he's "decided" he needs, not me.

I totally agree that letting yourself relax about napping etc will make life easier!

She probably has a routine but you may not have noticed it. Why don’t you, for the next 10 days observe when she feeds and naps or gets tired? And see if there is a pattern to it. There might well be. And then you can nudge her towards that routine, one that she has created.
And then I had a couple of points of the day where we did the same thing everyday (this gets more settled once she is weaned on to solids):

1. Wake up at roughly the same time. Change into fresh clothes. Or have breakfast and then change.
2. Morning activity of some sort.
3. Lunch followed by a nap.
4. Evening walk between 2:30-3:30/4.
5. After 6:30, go upstairs, dim lights, warm bath, milk, a story, more milk and then stay in the dark room till the morning.

So some of this was set by me: the three meals, the morning wake up and fresh clothes, the walk and the the evening bit. But nothing that would stress a child out.
That makes it feel like your day has a shape without forcing it.

Essepee. You must have really been studying those babies.....

Never done a routine with my baby either, she is 5 months old now. If she is very upset and overtired in the day I will take her for a walk and she will usually fall asleep in the pram. In the evenings she cluster feeds until she falls asleep. Not great at going to sleep on her own at all but I don't make her. She will tire herself out eventually! A friend of mine would spend up to two hours trying to get her baby to nap. I just don't have the energy for that!

What is this forced nap time all about then?

Seriously? You go in to melt down when your kids don't 'nap' to order?

Oh dear.

Sounds like the waking every 90mins (after each sleep cycle) is because she can’t self soothe back to sleep as opposed to being hungry. So you may need to try an approach that helps soothe without too much intervention. We used to pat DS chest and ‘ssshh’ when he woke to settle back to sleep so we were there but not lifting him, and gradually less and less intervention. He soon was able to sleep through as he could get back to sleep by himself.