To dread sleep training. PLEASE HELP!

[Babymoosmum]

My son is coming up to six months and is in really bad sleep habits (my own fault I know) he sleeps with me through the night and will only nap if he's being held or bounced in his chair. We have bought a cot and want to sleep train him in April. He still wakes up about twice in the night for a bottle but it's definitely more for comfort than hunger. I'm a first time mum and only 19 so I have no idea where to even begin. I hate the thought of leaving him to cry as he's a calm baby so I'm not used to it at all. I also don't want him to be in bad habits forever and having him cosleep just isn't going to work forever. Where do I begin? Please help xxx

Just don’t do it then? Waking up twice a night at 6 months is normal, he’ll probably start to sleep better as he gets bigger. You could try transferring him to his cot once he’s asleep?

You've read far too many parenting books full of nonsense.

Carry on co sleeping if it's working for you. It won't be forever!

Why April? If you have to make a change for some reason then I could understand that but if you don't and he mostly sleeps through the night then I really wouldn't bother.

He doesn't need training. He'll sleep when he sleeps and how he sleeps. He's 6 months old. This is normal. He doesn't have habits yet. He's responding to needs.

Who told you this nonsense that you need to "train" him and that babies can have "bad habits"????

You can sleep train OP, but unless you are really at breaking point I’d give it a few more months.

Seriously, forget all the “bad habits” stuff. He’s 6 months old, not 6 years old. The rules don’t apply to babies so young.

to you, you’ll get lots of crabby replies on here. Good luck with whatever you decide ... and enjoy the co-sleeping while it lasts x

He is totally normal. Keep co-sleeping and cuddling him, he won't be little for long.

You don't have to sleep train, we never did and it's fine to safely co-sleep (note the word safely) . Only do it if you want to and don't be pressured by anyone else. It's only natural for babies to wake.

Throw the bloody books away. I did. They caused more anxiety than good.

A lot of people have criticised me for how he likes to be held and cuddled to sleep. The health visitor also basically told me I had to have him in a cot by six months or I was doing something wrong and he'd never sleep alone. I always get a lot of advice as people assume I don't know what I'm doing (I'm doing fine) I never know who to listen to x

It sounds to me like you've done a grand job so far, what are these bad habits that you speak of?! I haven't read of any in your op! If you are reading books or mags or 'advice' on the Internet, stop!

I know all babies are different, but with my two, using the CIO method has resulted in far far less crying overall than parents who jump at the slightest whimper.
For my two, I put them to bed at 7pm (after the usual routine), around 6 months old I think, possibly sooner, and then I left them to it.
First day, about 7 mins crying, then fell asleep.
Second day, about 3 mins.
Third day, none.
Every day since - slept through. They're now 9&7.
So, since I started, a cumulative total of ten minutes crying. I would hazard a guess that's less than most.
Mind, I'm not sure what I would have done if either of them hadn't fallen asleep after 7 mins.

Listen to yourself. That's the person who knows best

From what I’ve seen on here many health visitors talk a lot of crap.

The health visitor also basically told me I had to have him in a cot by six months or I was doing something wrong and he'd never sleep alone.

fire her.

Don't listen to anyone. Follow your instincts. You know way, way more than you think you do.

It's normal for a baby to wake up at night, he is dependant on you, in his mind if you are not there he will die, so he is checking you are still there.
Don't sleep train him if you don't want too, we never have.
My LO is a year old, and sleeps through. And I did ALL the bad habits x

Start with a daytime nap in the cot - pick a time when he always sleeps: that way you'll know he really wants a nap. Put him in the cot at that time. I put the blind down and use the sleeping bag so my daughter knows it's sleep time. I also give her a small soft toy that she only ever has for sleeps. I understand not leaving your baby to cry. I got my baby to sleep just by sitting next to her cot. I read the highway rat (really nice rhymes). She grizzles for 10 mins or so before dropping off but I can live with that as I know she's tired - it's just tired grizzling. If your Baby has never dropped off lying in their cot they'll never do it at night. That's how I started. However you say your baby is only up twice a night? I think that's good for 6 months!!

I would kill for a child who only wakes up twice a night. My youngest is 19 months and even when co sleeping he wakes twelve million times.

If you’re happy co sleeping and doing so safely, continue. Don’t let your age make you think you’re doing anything wrong.

That health visitor is an idiot. What you will have an 18 year old who can only sleep if mummy holds them.

Also agree with other posters - doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong! But I totally understand wanting to reclaim your bed - that's ok too!

My DD still co-sleeps and she's just turned 1. I've panicked myself almost silly at times that she's far too old and needs to be independent of me but really, it works for us. I tell myself now that she won't be little forever and if I don't have the heart to separate her when she's so happy, why should she be forced to just because of what someone else might think of the approach I've taken."?

Very few children walk up the aisle still in nappies, with a bottle, breastfeeding, with a dummy or still being cuddled to sleep!

Don't sweat it.

That said, i can imagine that being 19 and a 1st time mum it must be difficult to feel confident when you're surrounded by 'experts'. Trust your own instincts, talk to your partner about what you as the parents want to do. Be strong.

Thank you for this post OP. Ours is nearly 5 months and I keep deliberating between responding to his needs and 'training' him out of bad habits as it worries me too (also first time mum) the replies are very helpful so far and have made me feel less worried.

There really is too much advice out there. We need to follow our instincts

But good luck with whatever you decide to do!

OP you are being peddled a load of crap by your HV. What you describe is definitely in the good sleeping camp in my books!

I have two DC. First one co slept and breast fed to sleep till 18 months. At the age of three (years!) he decided he wanted to sleep in his own cot in his own room and went from the family bed to by himself with no hassle at all, literally overnight (excuse the pun ) Second is going the same way. Both mine were still feeding twice or more a night at eight months. Both would only sleep during the day in the sling, being held, next to me on the bed or in the buggy. Both of them are now champion sleepers.

The only question that matters is whether YOU want to sleep train. Trust your instinct and don't let people make you doubt yourself. You know best what is right for your family.

If your instinct is against sleep training then don't do it. My 19 year old sleeps through in his own room now 😂. But seriously, night waking is normal.