To dread sleep training. PLEASE HELP!

[Babymoosmum]

My son is coming up to six months and is in really bad sleep habits (my own fault I know) he sleeps with me through the night and will only nap if he's being held or bounced in his chair. We have bought a cot and want to sleep train him in April. He still wakes up about twice in the night for a bottle but it's definitely more for comfort than hunger. I'm a first time mum and only 19 so I have no idea where to even begin. I hate the thought of leaving him to cry as he's a calm baby so I'm not used to it at all. I also don't want him to be in bad habits forever and having him cosleep just isn't going to work forever. Where do I begin? Please help xxx

I think this is either a generational or a MN thing, I can't decide which.
ITL, albeit 11-24 years ago, I have never met anyone who is as laid back about sleep as just about everyone on MN seems to be.
It seems to have become a marker of how ,'good' a parent you are if you become a martyr to your baby and never take charge.
It's all baby-led this and following baby's cues now, which to me seem to be the road to madness. The amount of times I read about tiny babies 'refusing' to go in a cot or basket on here. Complete nonsense.
I also have a wry smile at the other MN favourite topic - all HVs know nothing and mum - who may have only been a mum for a few days - is suddenly an expert. It seems any professional who strays from the MN way of doing things is talking rubbish, but woe betide anyone who suggests eg early weaning, as suddenly 'experts' are absolutely right, as they follow the MN groupthink.

Waking twice a night at 6 months sounds excellent to me. I found this book really helpful.
www.amazon.co.uk/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Through/dp/0071381392/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Totally anecdotal but my experience is that a stopped bf and sleep trained my first at 6 months because that is "what you are supposed to do". She is super clingy and whingey compared to DD2 who still cosleeps and bfs aged 2.

I found HV’s more trouble than they were worth - I disagreed with all their advice so just didn’t do it. I’m happy to be cosleeping with my 2 year old and don’t agree with the ridiculous notion that they HAVE to go asleep on their own. Not harming anyone and if it makes baby feel safe / you’re all getting some sleep then what’s the harm?

I also found I am getting loads more sleep this time round.

It depends what you are happy to put up with. A baby refusing to go in a cot screams a lot. Some people are happy with that and some aren't. Nothing to do with martyrdom, more to do with blood pressure! 😂

Maybe you are right Babyplaymat, seriously.
Back in the day, we put an enormous amount of effort in laying down good sleep patterns, and by and large, were rewarded with babies who were sleeping through by about 4 months max.
Now I know there will always be babies who won't sleep regardless of what you do, and there always has been, but in general, the age to aim for was about three months back in the 90s, and most people managed that. We would have certainly felt sorry for someone whose baby was not sleeping through at six months, yet it now seems to be the norm now, and I have read on here of two-year-olds still feeding at night and the desperate parents being told to be patient and baby will sleep when it's ready.
It has become very unfashionable for parents to take charge of the situation and do what they can to rectify things.
Sorry, but I think it is intrinsically wrong for two adults to be at the beck and call of a baby and be frightened to do anything in case baby doesn't 'like' it.

I think by and large most of the parents who have babies that sleep well don't comment on these threads so it gives a picture of everyone co sleeping and all babies waking repeatedly through the night when in the real world it's a different story. Most parents reach a point where they want their bed back to themselves and a decent nights sleep

I'd recommend the book Teach Your Child To Sleep which was written by UK health visitors, so anything in there should be acceptable to your HV (not that that is the priority, but no bad thing ). It has a variety of sleep training methods from no cry to controlled crying.

It's really up to you if you want to sleep train, or not. I can only offer my own experience which is that I sleep trained my twins at 6 months and one of them dropped the night feeds altogether and the other went down to one feed. And in the toddler/little kid years I found that they were fairly easy to put to bed, which wasn't the case for some of my friends and family with similar aged kids.

I suspect my ability to function as a human being was greatly enhanced by having a decent amount of sleep during the early years. We did this by cosleeping. DS woke up for feeds but this caused minimal disruption and both of us were able to go back to sleep rapidly. We all shared a 6ft double bed until he was 3 then he would start off in his own room but do a ninja into our bed in the early hours. He never woke us up sneaking in.
He is now perfectly normal well adjusted teenager who sleeps on his own.
Do whatever works for you regarding sleep.

I have not read everyone’s replies but there is nothing g wrong with cosleeping. There is research which suggests it is very beneficial. The bottom line is you are happy, your baby is happy and it is not doing any harm so keep up with it.

Still breastfeeding and co-sleeping with my twins at 2 years old. It works for us and we're fine with it.

If anyone asks "are they good/do they sleep" etc I just say "yes, they sleep fine"

Do what you feel is right/makes you comfortable!

My 3 year old still wakes occasionally (we co-sleep). All my 5 kids did. To be honest, I'm 44 and I still wake sometimes - for a drink, to go to the toilet, because I've had a nightmare. I've learnt to get back to sleep. It wasn't sleep training per se, but I eventually learnt it.

6 month olds wake up. It's what they do. DOn't sleep train. Please don't. One day, it'll get easier, without the heart-rending, cortisol-raising horror that is sleep training.xx

I work in the HV team as a community nursery nurse. The advice your HV has given you is outdated. We would never dream of sleep training a 6 month old. They are designed to wake often through the night. Their tummies are only small so they need feeding regularly. It is completely normal for a baby under 1 to be waking through the night. With reassurance and responsive parenting they will progress into their own sleep pattern themselves.
Honestly the odd few just give our service such a bad name for itself.