To dread sleep training. PLEASE HELP!

[Babymoosmum]

My son is coming up to six months and is in really bad sleep habits (my own fault I know) he sleeps with me through the night and will only nap if he's being held or bounced in his chair. We have bought a cot and want to sleep train him in April. He still wakes up about twice in the night for a bottle but it's definitely more for comfort than hunger. I'm a first time mum and only 19 so I have no idea where to even begin. I hate the thought of leaving him to cry as he's a calm baby so I'm not used to it at all. I also don't want him to be in bad habits forever and having him cosleep just isn't going to work forever. Where do I begin? Please help xxx

We cuddled our twins to sleep until they were 13 months old then we taught them to settle themselves. That's when it felt right. It was easy. They hadn't developed any bad habits. Go with your own instincts. Don't listen to anyone else or read any books. If you want to cuddle him co sleep etc go ahead and enjoy it. Waking twice a night at 6 months sounds fairly good to me!

My 15 month old still wakes up twice a night. It's normal for babies. The books are bollocks. I disagree with sleep training generally but I certainly wouldn't even consider it with a 6 month old only waking twice. I'm afraid it's your expectations that need adjusting, not your baby's sleep.

You sound pretty mature for a 19yo first time mum.

Our son co-slept until 3.5 years old then transferred to his own bed with minimum of fuss. That might be much longer than you'd be willing to go for but we loved having him in with us and he chose to move himself as it was a long sweaty summer and he was getting too big for 3 in a bed, so off he went. We aren't knit-your-own-lentils type parents at all and we had bought a cot etc, ds just preferred sleeping on or near us.

Waking only twice a night at 6mo is pretty bloody good. Follow your instincts

It's totally up to you what you do and there is no 'right' way.

You'll get a lot of people that say 'no need to sleep train, my child slept through at 18 months, co-slept till 3 and went into their own room of their own choice'. They are right, you can wait for your baby to naturally stop doing those things, and eventually they will.

Equally you can help matters along either gently, or a bit more forcefully by doing a million different methods.

It's 'normal' for a baby to not sleep through till 2. It's equally 'normal' for them to sleep through at 3 months or 6 months. It depends on the child AND the approach taken by the parents.

If you are content with 2 x waking at 6 months, then that's all that matters. If you aren't content with it (there's nothing wrong with that view at all!!), then you can do stuff to likely reduce it. Its upto you. Neither approach makes you a good or bad parent.

I did sleep training as mine were waking every 45 mins. Twice a night is pretty reasonable for his age

My baby is exactly the same age as yours and she sleeps in a next to me crib and wakes about twice a nighy (although I do lose track). I am not moving her yet. She is my third and I am more relaxed about it because I know it goes so quickly. Move him when you are ready, get him to sleep in whatever way works for you and only try things you are comfortable with. A lot of the guidance has changed fairly recently so you will find people of older generations will advise you differently but there are plenty of books and websites out there with up to date advice.

Do you have any friends with babies the same age? If not are there groups you could meet people? I find it really helpful to have people with similar age babies you cab chat to and get advice from who are going through the same thing at the same time. Your local children's centre probably has a group you could go to. People who have had babies think they can advise you but the truth is even those of us who have got older children need to remind ourselves about it all. You forget very quickly how it feels.

I sleep trained 2 of mine as they are now pretty much grown up & it was 'the thing' back then. I think 6 months is a bit young.

DD was about 1 - she cried in her cot while my DH did the waiting outside the door with a watch etc. I cried in the kitchen, I hated it. Only took a couple of nights though.

DS was 2 and had never slept through the night at that point. That boy had some stamina, it was awful. Did work but it was harrowing.

On the plus side - none of them remember it or seem unduly affected by it.

If you want your baby to start sleeping in the cot I would start by having a bedtime routine and a 'bedtime' if he starts off in the cot and then ends up coming in with you then that's fine.

It's entirely up to you how you manage your babies sleep though, go with what feels right.

We co-slept with DS until he was a year old then we used the book 'Sleeping Through the Night' to get him into his own room. It caused a lot less tears than I anticipated and now he sleeps in his own room without a fuss. 6 months is very young and I would not do it yet. Waiting will not hurt anyone.

I feel this thread is overly harsh on health visitors. I work with HV and a huge amount of their work with older toddlers (and my work with school age children) is supporting parents and their kids with sleep problems ...therefore they are going to promote 'good' sleep routines from 6 months plus as this is an age where SOME babies will be ready to sleep through the night and also a lot of mums are really struggling with sleep deprivation . In much the same way as they'll advise you stop bottles by age 1 and encourage baby led weaning. It is sensible advice but you shouldn't feel pressurised to follow it to the letter . Personally by 6 months I had enough of co sleeping though it was a gradual process and I did gave to do some sleep training before age 1. My kids were terrible sleepers before this and brilliant sleepers after this . I am pretty certain they would not have grown out of broken nights and as I've already said there are many older children with ongoing sleep problems.
Go with your instincts though and if you want to sleep train do it when you feel motivated not because you feel you should be.

You do what your heart tells you. HV are full of crap.

My youngest only left our bed last summer at 3.5. Sleeps beautifully in her own bed now. I do miss her though and enjoy it when she gets in with us in the morning.

Darling, you don't have to do it. I'm on #3, and he is nearly 6 months old and asleep on my lap resplendent in his squidginess. He will sleep cuddled up next to me all night, much like his older siblings did. They are 7 and 5 now and sleep brilliantly, having never done an ounce of sleep training.

HVs can be very helpful, but then equally can be dogmatic.

Sleep is developmental, your baby will get the hang of it when ready. We don't force any other developmental areas so no need to do it with sleep. Like all other areas, babies get their in their own time when they're ready.

If you feel like doing it because you feel like it will genuinely benefit you, give it a go. If you think you should do it based on what other people have said, don't do it. Do what works for you

*babies get there in their own time

I’m 35 years old and have dealt with night sleeping and naps the same as you. My toddler stills naps on me and still co-sleep. It’s worked for us and I wouldn’t allow anyone to tell me what I should be doing - neither should you!

I love our daytime “lap naps”. She’ll stop napping soon and I will really miss it.

I spent too much time in the beginning worrying about sleep and it’s such a waste of time. Babies will do what they do and they might seem to comply with your testing methods but their feelings won’t change (from my own memories dealing with sleep issues as a child and seeing many, many family babies’ sleep habits!).

It won’t last forever.

*training methods!!

hang on I will just check that dd is sleeping on her own....

ah yes, so she is. has been for 9 years, goodness knows how as she was still in my bed at 6 months.

they said ds would give up breast feeding as well if he had a bottle of formula. he did. two and a hlaf bloody years later.

OP I co-sleep and my 9month old has never slept through the night. Also, to get him to sleep I have to lay next to him and breastfeed until he drops off. When people ask me if he is in his cot yet, I smile brightly and say, "of course!" When people ask if he is sleeping through, I do the same. I can't stand the judgey comments and unhelpful 'advice'. I like co-sleeping, I don't want to leave my baby to cry and I don't believe he will never be able to sleep independently as I have a few friends who co-slept until they successfully transitioned their children into toddler beds (what I plan to do). Please don't feel pressured into doing things you don't want to do. Do what works best for you and your baby. And if you don't want to sleep train, just don't tell people you co-sleep. Good luck.

My DS is 16 months, I never sleep trained as I can’t stand the thought of letting him cry himself to sleep. He sleeps through the night, and has done since he was a year, nothing changed with our routine, he just started doing it! He still wakes for a cuddle if he teething or ill but I’m happy to give him comfort if that’s what he needs. He’s also still cuddled to sleep, my favorite time of day!
If you want to sleep train then go ahead, but don’t think you have to, do what is best for you and your little one.

Our DD is 16 months. Sometimes sleeps some times doesn't. If it working for you just carry on.

My child was a much worse sleeper and I was 34, sounds like you’re doing great! And my HV didn’t give me any crap about it. Co-sleeping is sometimes the only way to survive the hardest times. The daytime nap thing is a pain but we didn’t crack that till we did some gentle training about 10 months, she just wasn’t ready before that though, I knew it wouldn’t have worked. I love the odd sleepy cuddle I get now though. Honestly they do get there in the end x

he's likely to be a habit of waking up to feed. have you tried dream feeding him? If for example he usually wakes up at 2am - dream feed him during his sleep at 1am. Just touch the bottle to his lip and his sucking reflex will start like when children have dummies put into their mouths. It helped with my son as his body stopped being in the habit to wake up and feed at a certain time - and then gradually I was able to feed him more during the day and less at night.

Your health visitor is full of shit.

He's normal.

How quick is he to settle at night? I found that a bit of sleep training enabled my two to settle much more quickly , going from a 30 + min cuddle to sleep , to just being put down in the cot and walking out.

However, I couldn't do it myself! My husband had to do it. He put them down then went in after 2, then 5 , then every 19 mins. Only took a few nights for each of them. We did this at about 9 months for dc1 and 18 months for dc2.

Also when I was at breaking point with the night wakes and feeds, my DP took over for a few nights until dc realised that there were no boobs coming and started to sleep for longer! I did this when dc was on three meals a day and I was convinced that they weren't waking due to hunger.

My dc2 still sometimes wakes in the night, but she is much easier to settle back down now without bringing her into our bed.

Waking up only twice a night is pretty good for a 6 month old