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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Posting photos of sick children??

72 replies

rondarules · 21/03/2018 08:08

Seems like a sickness bug going round so seemingly filling my FB newsfeed.

Various mothers posting photos of their children looking exhausted and unwell on sofas or hugging the sick bowl etc. Surely this is just attention seeking on behalf of the parent? As an adult I'd be humiliated for photos of me unwell to be online so I wouldn't do it to my child. The latest was a grandparent posting photo of grandchild on sofa with sick bowl (sick inside!!) beside him!

For what its worth hospital/very unwell children to me feels entirely different. My youngest has been admitted various times and I have posted updates (normally when better sitting up eating etc.) as its easier than messaging lots of people but posting about a bug just seems unnecessary.

OP posts:
poughkeepsiegirl · 21/03/2018 08:12

Sorry but I disagree with all posting of unwell children...particularly when they're in hospital. Send a group message to those who need to know. Why do ALL your fb friends NEED to know about your child? I would never post a pic of a child who is floored with a bug or the cold for the same reason you describe. I wouldn't want my sick face plastered over the Internet. I don't think you can set demarcation lines for levels of sickness and whether you can post about it on social media. Just keep your private life private

Madbee · 21/03/2018 08:23

I am so pleased you posted this! I don’t necessarily think it’s wrong, but I have always been a bit bemused by people posting about their sick children - like - why would you a) want to capture that moment? and b) share it with everyone? I just don’t get it. I like to share happy pics of my kid or significant moments like the first time she rolled over, but then I kind of think FB is a current equivalent of the family photo albums - it’s not like you buy a photo album with a space for ‘my first sickness bug’ is it?

Madbee · 21/03/2018 08:24

Also, do not get me onto incessant ‘food round face’ pictures on FB. But that may be a whole other thread... Hmm

Original poster
rondarules · 21/03/2018 08:26

I totally see where you are coming from, but if we have been in hospital for a number of weeks that is "our life" and it feels easier to post an update or a photo to let people know they are feeling better, obviously theres a fine line there and I'd never post one of them unwell, but might share photos of them in hospital playroom to update etc. I can understand why some wouldn't though.

OP posts:
Original poster
rondarules · 21/03/2018 08:28

MadBee that is precisely my thoughts, I can't see the thought process behind watching your child sick on the sofa, listless and unwell and think I'll just take a photo, let alone then posting it online for all to see. If a partner did that to me I would be devastated.

OP posts:
MadRainbow · 21/03/2018 08:31

I will admit to doing this (not the sick bowl that's gross) but I also have a very small amount of people on my fb, my family, including In laws and other mum/dad friends. It's an easy way to get the message out especially since a lot of people I know are immuno-compromised. I can't say it's for sympathy because people rarely comment on it and it surprises me if they do

InDubiousBattle · 21/03/2018 08:32

You can have no idea what your dc would be mortified by or consent to having on line when they're older so I stick to not posting any pictures of them at all on social media.

Sirzy · 21/03/2018 08:32

pough possibly worth considering that for way too many children hospital is a big chunk of their life.

Ds first photo of his smiling he was in hospital - should that not be shared like many parents do simply because he was on oxygen at the time? (Having been out of ITU 24 hours by that point)

I have photos of ds at his illest that I have made the choice not to share (however don’t judge anyone who does share them) however I am not willing to keep what is a major part of life for him hidden away. I have friends on my fb and they genuinely care about how things are going.

InDubiousBattle · 21/03/2018 08:34

Mad if it's such a small group you could just message them that your dc are poorly so they might want to steer clear, it's surely not absolutely necessary to post a picture of the sick child is it?

GingerFoxx · 21/03/2018 08:35

Have one friend on fb who checked herself and 3 month old into hospital last week as she had taken him to a&e for a cough. Just inappropriate if you ask me to post and so attention seeking

LimonViola · 21/03/2018 08:39

I don't really care what other people post about their own lives tbh.

I don't see that there's anything inherently humiliating about being seen to be unwell though, but I take the point that it's different for an adult to decide to post themselves sick in a hospital bed than for someone to post a photo of a child who hasn't consented or doesn't fully understand.

I do find it extremely disgusting to see photos of actual vomit and the 'food round face' photos make me feel sick but I just keep scrolling.

fitbitbore · 21/03/2018 08:39

I think it's disgusting that people do this!!!! I just don't understand why or tag themselves at a and e?!?!?

StickStickStickStick · 21/03/2018 08:42

I've noticed some.school mum's do this - then others all pile on with "Poor child/poor x" and I've wondered why.

Some families want to tell you every time any of their kids are ill/everyone they go to hospital...

Whydomypubeslooklikeanest · 21/03/2018 08:46

Maybe they have simply been stuck inside with an ill child for days on end and are looking for support from their friends and family?

I can't get worked up about it.

leighdinglady · 21/03/2018 08:49

Each to their own. You sound very judgemental OP. Maybe they are upset at seeing their child sick and want the supportive messages that would follow the post. Maybe that post would encourage someone to ask if they're ok, or the offer help?

Megatron · 21/03/2018 08:51

YANBU at all. I have no idea why anyone would reach for their phone to snap a photo of their ill child then post it on Facebook.

People do it for one reason only, to get the 'oh are you OK hun', 'poor you' comments and it's ludicrous. I don't need 'support' when my kids are ill, they need support.

Some people can do fuck all without expecting other people to hold them up on social media.

Curious2468 · 21/03/2018 08:55

People post weird stuff on social media. Someone on my news feed posted about 30 pictures from a funeral yesterday 😳 Seems hugely innapropriate. The other one I hate is people posting half naked children. I think people forget how many people can see it

BlueEyedBengal · 21/03/2018 08:56

My 4 children have just got over chicken pox. Not at any time did I think I just take a pick on my I phone and post it so everyone can see my incredibly spotty children.

LimonViola · 21/03/2018 09:00

Curious2468 I posted a few photos from my mum's funeral, mostly just of my friends. It was a day I wanted to remember and I think it's nice to have photos from special occasions. Would you have an issue with that?

StickStickStickStick · 21/03/2018 09:05

I think I am fairly judgemental about this - I don't think people should be posting pictures of their child sick (for fb attention) or grubby or in compromising positions!

I don't get the "for support." Why do you need all the school mums and everyone you've ever worked with to see photos of sick child - is it a passive way of attention seeking for support? If you want support message a few close friends and ask for it - i wouldnt be sending photos of sick child even then I'd be explaining x is sick, can you help with y.

I really don't get it. I get that's it's not uncommon though so I'm aware ita something I don't get!

Idontdowindows · 21/03/2018 09:10

To be honest I'm very glad most of mine have taken the course of only sharing photos of the grands in exceptional circumstances, like celebrations or very once in a while of achievements.

I'd hate to be a child in this age, growing up with the world and his mother knowing everything about you, unable to ever run away from either your parents' or your own mistakes because they're enshrined forever on the internet.

LimonViola · 21/03/2018 09:11

Why do you need all the school mums and everyone you've ever worked with to see photos of sick child

I think you're extrapolating from how you use Facebook to others. Not everyone has lots of random school mums and ex co workers and acquaintances on their friends list.

The way I use it, I only have actual friends on my list, my litmus test is whether I would stop to talk to the person if I bumped into them or would I try avoid them! And regularly cull, to ensure anyone I no longer am in touch with gets deleted.

It's perfectly possible for someone sharing a post to be sharing it with people that they're close with only.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2018 09:11

I don't like this sort of thing either.

I really don't think it's fair on the child. They're not able to give any kind of 'educated consent', because most won't truly understand the internet and the fact their images will be out there forever.

Imagine the outcry if a woman just gave birth, and the loved ones she trusted around her, were putting photos of her on the internet?

No difference with sick children imo. It's only ever done for the parent's interest, not the child.

You can put up a status telling everyone how your child is, without the accompanying photo.

StickStickStickStick · 21/03/2018 09:14

Limon - I'm just sharing what I see on fb. I wouldn't do it.

If I shared with a private small group (do you really only have 4 or 5 fb friends or are you actually sharing photos of sick child to 20/30 + people?) It would still be odd to send a photo.its a bit "look at how ill he is sad face."

DeathByGlamour · 21/03/2018 09:15

When my DD was six she badly broke her arm (it was horrendous, pointing the wrong way and everything). When DH got her to A&E, one of the nurses asked DH if he wanted a pic of it for FB before he sent her to X-ray. Still not sure if he was joking or not.... DH declined!