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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Posting photos of sick children??

72 replies

rondarules · 21/03/2018 08:08

Seems like a sickness bug going round so seemingly filling my FB newsfeed.

Various mothers posting photos of their children looking exhausted and unwell on sofas or hugging the sick bowl etc. Surely this is just attention seeking on behalf of the parent? As an adult I'd be humiliated for photos of me unwell to be online so I wouldn't do it to my child. The latest was a grandparent posting photo of grandchild on sofa with sick bowl (sick inside!!) beside him!

For what its worth hospital/very unwell children to me feels entirely different. My youngest has been admitted various times and I have posted updates (normally when better sitting up eating etc.) as its easier than messaging lots of people but posting about a bug just seems unnecessary.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2018 09:15

Not everyone has lots of random school mums and ex co workers and acquaintances on their friends list.

Far too many do though.

Tons of people on MN have said they've felt 'obliged' to accept friend requests from neighbours/colleagues/people who (for whatever reason) they barely know.

Then to top it all, many have said it's 'rude/hurtful' and even bullying to cull people from your friend list because you no longer interact with them.

The world of social media is obviously complicated for so many

LimonViola · 21/03/2018 09:15

StickStickStickStick Well I wouldn't share a picture of a sick child personally.

I'm just pushing back on your suggestion that anyone sharing things on Facebook is automatically showing something to loads of random people, when that's not how everyone uses it!

StickStickStickStick · 21/03/2018 09:16

Unless someone only has their immediate cirlce of close friends ( what 10 tops?) Then who are you showing it too - extended family/old school friends/mum friends etc..

StickStickStickStick · 21/03/2018 09:17

I only have people I know on fb but most people on fb have more than say 10 friends - it's a lot of people to be sharing photos of sick kids with...

LimonViola · 21/03/2018 09:18

Then to top it all, many have said it's 'rude/hurtful' and even bullying to cull people from your friend list because you no longer interact with them.

People can say what they like, it doesn't mean you have to agree and abide by it :)

To clarify, I have no problem with people who do use Facebook to link to everyone they know even vaguely, nothing wrong with that. It's pure snobbery to think that your way is the only acceptable way and look down on others. I'm just pointing out not everyone uses it like that.

If someone feels they have to accept a friend request when they don't actually want to I'd argue they need to be thinking about their own self confidence/self esteem and why they feel pushed into something something they don't want to do.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 21/03/2018 09:20

It's cringe. I see loads I've even seen kids in a hospital bed it's disgusting attention seeking bullshit.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2018 09:23

I'd argue that too Limon

However, I'd also wonder why they need 'likes' on photos of their sick children, to make them feel better, when those 'private' moments will be out there forever.

I get that parents need support, but the accompanying photo is a violation of that child's privacy imo.

Especially when the parents themselves are often the last people to want a photo of themselves on the internet, without their permission.

LimonViola · 21/03/2018 09:26

I understand it's a violation of the child's privacy, I agree.

I assume there are some people who get something from 'likes' and that's why they do it, but I think surely the main reason is that people want some support? They're scared or lonely and want to let everyone know at once that they won't be contactable for a while, or they want people to know so they can visit?

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2018 09:29

Spot on Limon

And they can do that with words in a status.

No need for the accompanying photo that will stay on the internet forever.

Grumblepants · 21/03/2018 09:32

I hate posting any pictures of dc on social media. I think people forget that once it's posted it's out there forever and kids deserve their privacy too. When they are old enough to decide for themselves then fair enough they can post pictures, but until then we only do one a year on birthdays (no I'm not trying to pretend I'm royalty 😀).
Kids can be quite mean to each other and I would feel awful if my dc ever got teased over a photo I posted.
I see a lot of people on fb also posting stuff like "little Johnny just had the worse night vomiting and had terrible diarrhoea". I mean why would you do that to your child?!!

LimonViola · 21/03/2018 09:33

I think this discussion throws up a lot of difficult ethical questions about who actually has rights to or owns a child's image when they're so young. People must get confused when it's seen as okay to post a photo of your new baby on Facebook, but not okay to post them unwell, where does the time come when they're asked for consent and when can they actually give it? Should there be a blanket ban on people sharing images of kids on social media? Is it okay for the parents but not for other relatives? Lots of things to think about

MotherOfWurzel · 21/03/2018 09:35

Tagging at a&e/ hospital is my number one facebook bugbear. Can't understand the logic of posting photos of poorly children online. I'm not sure many people are reguarly dropped in on by immuno compromised people who do not ring ahead and cannot be contacted by any private means. And even if this were the case, why would your post need a photo?

Photos of children in long term hospital i would consider different but generally if the photo is positive. I.e here is Dd with her favourite nurse, or Hooray, good news today. Children looking desperately ill and unhappy do not need to be photographed and shared with facebook.

QuimReaper · 21/03/2018 09:35

"You can have no idea what your dc would be mortified by or consent to having on line when they're older so I stick to not posting any pictures of them at all on social media."

I more or less agree with this, but I do think there are some pictures that are basically safe. A friend of mine is a great photographer and has taken some really beautiful, adorable pictures of her daughter, which look straight off a magazine. Not the sort of "aaaaw it was so cute" people say about kids covered in food / mud, or pulling a goofy face, just a nice well-lit smiley picture of them in a flattering pose and outfit and stunning location, essentially looking beautiful. Y'know, like the photos adults like to post of themselves. I think those are very low-risk.

What baffles me is the postings which it'd be unusual for the kid not to be mortified by. Posts about potty training and vomit - I even know a woman who posted about her daughter having piles There's no way on earth they'd post it about themselves so it's grossly unfair to do it to a child. And to answer the OP's question, if someone barged in on me lying in my sick bed, took a picture and shared it, I'd be horrified, so I wouldn't do it to someone else, however "cute" I thought they looked. As a PP said, it's all about the adult and not at all about the child.

I know one woman whose FB page is absolutely plastered with full-frontal nude pictures of her son. It's pretty clear from the comments that she isn't some oblivious relic from a 70s commune, she thinks it's all a hilarious jape. I'd hate to be there when the school bully gets hold of them. Poor kid. I wonder what the first real case will be of a child suing their parents over this shit - it's a brand new issue which is becoming more and more rife, and I think it'll explode badly at some point.

Aloneandscared25 · 21/03/2018 09:40

To the comment about hospital beds and the parent with long term children.
My daughter lives in a hospital has done pretty much since birth.
She is now nearly 5.
She had her first smile, first steps , first day at school in the hospital.
She is always commented to an Iv stand and has various other tubes.
I show her off like everyone else does and those moments despite them being in a hospital or in a hospital bed.
We share our happy moments and our sad moments.
She is also a huge fan of a live video of dancing or talking about funny things.
We are very isolated and live in a cubicle social media is about our only form of communication to friends and family.
I do try to mainly keep to photos of her looking “well” but suppose she never looks well.
Am I meant to hide her away ?
She doesn’t have a media hysteria or anything like some other sick children with 75000 followers etc just my personal Facebook page.

Sleepyblueocean · 21/03/2018 09:41

"When they are old enough to decide for themselves then fair enough they can post pictures,"

Some children will never reach that point.

StickStickStickStick · 21/03/2018 09:43

Personally Alone I think that's very different and share away.

What I tend to see is more the attention seeking "poorly x today" and it's a child with a sick bug or "checking into AnE" for an otherwise well child.

Of course someo nes day to day reality of being in hospital is tons different. Hugs.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 21/03/2018 09:43

not everyone use FB the same way, some people add a random unknown they've spoken with in the bus once as a friend, others have only close people.

It's their wall, they put what they want. Ignore and scroll down if you don't like it.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 21/03/2018 09:44

I posted photos of my daughter before and after transplant and through her journey. Some pictures were shocking but I had a lot of people who understood what I was going through and weren’t near me. I was also away from family and my other child so Facebook is where I updated people and posted pictures. She could have died so those pictures were and still are very important. Pictures of children being ill with a bug etc are odd and I don’t do it but my partner posts pictures of little one in hospital when she is admitted due to bugs etc mostly as updates for people we know. I just scroll by if I don’t want to see it but agree it is odd but then I think I’m a hypocrite.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2018 09:45

I show her off like everyone else does and those moments despite them being in a hospital or in a hospital bed.

That's the point though..."like everyone else does".

Why are parents showing their children off on the internet?

It's certainly not for the benefit of the child, is it?

If anyone wants to send a photo to granny/auntie/uncle etc, that's understandable.

So why not email it?

QuimReaper · 21/03/2018 09:50

It's their wall, they put what they want.

We're talking about privacy rights of children though, not an adult's right to curate their own Facebook page.

MotherOfWurzel · 21/03/2018 09:50

If we were talking about the sort of people who only have very close friends and family on their FB this thread wouldn't exist though.

TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/03/2018 09:50

I have a friend who has a chronically ill child and occasionally posts pictures of her child sick, in hospital.

She's also a working mum and has been on the receiving end of a lot of shit from colleagues about being "never around" and "off again, are you". It's mostly to fend off the aggro before it starts. She doesn't have the kind of job you can work from home. People do start to build up an impression and I think by posting a picture each time (or at least each time it involves needing to take time off work) it gets the message across that this is serious and recurring illness her child has which needs her to be there. If she wasn't linking her continued absences to drastic ill health, it would come back to bite her.

My SIL does the same job and has had to take time off for a similar reason (but she does not share it). Her immediate colleagues are supportive but she's still had an awful backlash from some people for "being off ten times a year" and "not committed".

JaneEyre70 · 21/03/2018 09:52

It's all for attention, and certainly not for the kids benefit.

It's quite tragic really. I feel very sorry for people who live their lives according to likes on social media. It's not real.

Sleepyblueocean · 21/03/2018 09:55

Until a child develops the understanding to decide for themselves, it is the parents decision along with the vast majority of things that happens in a child's life. My son will never be able to make that decision. Does that mean he will always be hidden away?

Minxmumma · 21/03/2018 09:55

Ewwww just please don't do it. Very different for children and families whose entire lives are hospital based but seriously why post a photo of your sofa surfing sick child?

If you are suffering from cabin fever post a blooming status to say so rather than chasing the sympathy vote with a photo of your poorly lo.
And as for the a&e check in - it's a personal bug bear. If your child is ill enough to warrant a visit to a&e then they are ill enough to warrant 110% of your attention. Notify your immediate family by msg or text especially if you need support but save the rest

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