I have been told that police will no longer come out to this domestic abuse situation even when there are children involved *TITLE EDITED BY MNHQ*

[NoDomestics]

Name changed as I am recognizeable and this involves my attached next door neighbour.

New neighbours moved in around six months ago. Have only met the wife very briefly and they very much keep themselves to themselves but they are not English so I appreciate there may be a language barrier there.

They have two small children, one primary age, the other one is home all day still so am guessing preschool. But the children cry constantly and I mean constantly, you never actually hear them playing or laughing or sounding like anything but crying children. The parents seem incredibly aggressive but especially the dad although again that may be because his voice carries more than her’s does.

I have heard them screaming at the children to the point even my teenager asked if there was anything we could do. The parents row a lot. I assume it’s rows, sounds very aggressive shouting slamming etc.

So, cut to this weekend. Around 9:30 suddenly a huge screaming row erupts next door. So loud and so aggressive that if I’d understood them then I would have been able to hear every word of it. Lots of slamming, and children again screaming in the background. Decided enough’s enough and called police who advised that “sorry, we don’t come out to domestic incidents because we don’t have the time.”

Shortly afterwards the door slams and I can hear the mum so guessing the dad has gone out.

No idea what to do at this stage. But yesterday I called my local surgery which is literally at the end of my street so am guessing they may be registered there, figure that maybe if I leave a message for the HV she can potentialy speak to the mum re if she needs support? Am told that due to confidentiality they cannot speak to me. Similarly re the school which is also walking distance.

So now I am at a loss as to what to do. Am prepared to be flamed here but I’m not prepared to go round there, just hearing the dad scares the crap out of me and I’m not prepared to put my own family at risk. But the authorities seem completely uninterested.

Very clearly there is a discrepancy between areas then isn’t there. Because other than me there are others here who have had bad experiences with the police as well as those who haven’t. Or are you suggesting all of those are lying as well?

@Samantha77hat I am lost for words to respond to your post, genuinely shocked that you think it is the victims of domestic abuse that are to blame for the horrendous ordeal and situations they are going through.

Very clearly there is a discrepancy between areas then isn’t there. Because other than me there are others here who have had bad experiences with the police as well as those who haven’t. Or are you suggesting all of those are lying as well

Nope, just you. Those others haven't claimed their force has openly said they don't deal with domestic incidents any more

There's a difference between having a bad experience and them refusing to attend a call. Only one other person has said they didn't attend but referred her to another agency. The others had police officers attend but they weren't happy with the outcome. There's a big difference

WallisFrizz Tue 20-Mar-18 16:30:31 You did not just blanket blame victims of domestic abuse for their own predicaments shock

No I did not

Samantha that's how I read your post, what did you mean then?

Scary stuff. How many women are killed per week due to domestic violence? How many shelters are closing or turning women away due to cuts?

The numbers will of women getting killed by a partner or ex will rise. Children will grow up around the abuse. What are the consequences for the rest of society? Something needs to be done.

@strawberrygelato if you read the other posts including one from a Met Officer you'll see the title is both misleading & inaccurate

I just wanted to say I had the opposite experience for a similar situation, Not only did the police come out to investigate they updated me via email for a while afterwards to check the situation had resolved. I did discover that I was one of 4 neighbours who had also contacted them so maybe if they are getting multiple reports of what basically sounds like children being hurt or neglected then they have to act. I hope your situation resolves.

It is possible that the person who answered the OPs call is the one who was lying rather than the OP. Just a thought.

If you suspect the children are being mistreated or neglected then phone social services. The police judged that there was no evidence of any crime being committed and decided not to attend the incident you reported which was only shouting.

Which is why I have suggested that they should pursue it further in that case , and how to do so . The response would be the same for any area of the met , because all the calls are answered at the same place . So for example the operator could answer one call for Peckham , the next for Kingston, the next for Newham , and so on . It’s totally standardised .

The very reason I challenge this so strongly is because it’s wrong , and worse than that , someone who is a victim of DV , who is wavering about whether to call police or not , might just believe it and not bother calling , with untold consequences .

It's more the fault of the people who stay in these relationships and expose their children, than it is of the government who have limited resources to pay for public services

It’s the fucking perpetrators fucking fault 🤬

OP keep reporting. Call the police every single time. Call NSPCC. Tell the school. Report to social services.

Also. Of course the other agencies can’t talk to you, but you are free to pass on your concerns to them. Next time just ring and say ‘I know you can’t talk to me about them, but please pass this information on to the relevant GP if applicable’. Or put it in writing.

Another police officer here. My force attends every domestic that comes in, and it's what front line officers spend the majority of their time dealing with.

Maybe you got a bad call handler? I'm not aware of any force adopting that policy

Op you may have got someone on a bad day or very busy.

They absolutely do respond to domestic incidents. I think you should call nsocc but also the non emergency no and ask for some clarity ie are they sure they don't respond because you need to know if you should call again.

I have been told 999 if violence is happening but best to double check now before another incident...

Op seems to have spoken to one person, let her call again and see what happens before diving in... I think she got rouge person

Hugely inflammatory thread title.

They didn't come out after your call. That could be for a variety of reasons (to me it sounds like they got the impression it was just a noise issue and that you didn't actually believe anyone was in danger, but of course that is speculation). That does NOT translate to "police will not attend domestic abuse situations" AT ALL. To suggest it does is hugely unhelpful, not least to those who may be in physical danger themselves.

strawberry around 2 women a week are killed by men known to them (partner, ex, blood relative).

There should be an outcry over this but there isn't. It seems that in our society domestic violence and anything that affects women is seen as a low priority (he was a good father, lovely man, never raised his voice, he was under great pressure, he just lashed out, she called 999 the same day she was killed but nobody came, the stalking and harassment went on for years but she was told nothing could be done, he had a history of violence that she wasn't aware of, an inquiry is being held, lessons have been learnt, we take this extremely seriously, it is thought he could be responsible for other unsolved murders etc etc etc).

2 women a week.

I would complain to the chief constable that that’s what you were told. I do understand they have to prioritise and that if they were busy maybe they couldn’t attend that day but in which case they need to word the advice they give out differently as people hearing this will never ring again. And if it is official policy then that definitely needs complaining about.

What will happen if someone is killed and it turns out loads of neighbours rang the police but they didn’t come? Won’t look very good will it?

My DD has got a lovely wifebeater for a neighbour, but in fairness to the Police, they have always quickly attended when DD has rung....which she has done regularly. She's also had follow up calls from a DV officer. The last time, the operator could hear the woman and her young child screaming and kept DD on the line until help arrived, but for whatever reason, this woman won't take the help offered and stays with him. DD thinks she's now locked in the house when he's at work, as she only ever comes out with him and he seems to work part time to do the school run.

She's reported the family to SS, Police, HA manager, rung the local school.... but all she ever gets is "data protection" and that the family are "known" to them.

OP you seem more angry at the operator's (I believe incorrect) response than your neighbours behaviour now. If you believe that those kids are in danger at any point, of course you call the police. If you are concerned that there is something happening on an ongoing basis, call social services. If you know which school they attend, contact the school - they WILL pursue it, and maybe if they already suspect something is wrong then this information may help. Have you not heard the current radio ad about everyone having a duty of care to protect children? Please don't turn a blind eye or think it's not your place.

Sorry just re-read your post and you did contact the school. They can't tell you anything, but you should keep reporting after incidents.

Why are we paying for them then. What are they waiting for child to be killed