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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I have been told that police will no longer come out to this domestic abuse situation even when there are children involved *TITLE EDITED BY MNHQ*

88 replies

NoDomestics · 20/03/2018 15:23

Name changed as I am recognizeable and this involves my attached next door neighbour.

New neighbours moved in around six months ago. Have only met the wife very briefly and they very much keep themselves to themselves but they are not English so I appreciate there may be a language barrier there.

They have two small children, one primary age, the other one is home all day still so am guessing preschool. But the children cry constantly and I mean constantly, you never actually hear them playing or laughing or sounding like anything but crying children. The parents seem incredibly aggressive but especially the dad although again that may be because his voice carries more than her’s does.

I have heard them screaming at the children to the point even my teenager asked if there was anything we could do. The parents row a lot. I assume it’s rows, sounds very aggressive shouting slamming etc.

So, cut to this weekend. Around 9:30 suddenly a huge screaming row erupts next door. So loud and so aggressive that if I’d understood them then I would have been able to hear every word of it. Lots of slamming, and children again screaming in the background. Decided enough’s enough and called police who advised that “sorry, we don’t come out to domestic incidents because we don’t have the time.”

Shortly afterwards the door slams and I can hear the mum so guessing the dad has gone out.

No idea what to do at this stage. But yesterday I called my local surgery which is literally at the end of my street so am guessing they may be registered there, figure that maybe if I leave a message for the HV she can potentialy speak to the mum re if she needs support? Am told that due to confidentiality they cannot speak to me. Similarly re the school which is also walking distance.

So now I am at a loss as to what to do. Am prepared to be flamed here but I’m not prepared to go round there, just hearing the dad scares the crap out of me and I’m not prepared to put my own family at risk. But the authorities seem completely uninterested.

OP posts:
Frequency · 20/03/2018 15:26

They said the same to me, telling me my neighbours drunkenly and loudly threatening to stab each other while their young child was in the house was a noise issue and needed to be reported to the council Hmm

Try social services. I reported mine but obviously they couldn't update me.

LimonViola · 20/03/2018 15:27

You haven't thought to report to social services anonymously?

Northernbeachbum · 20/03/2018 15:29

Definitely call social services

Dipitydoda · 20/03/2018 15:30

Yes try and refer to social services. Not surprised at police response. They don’t come out for anything these days it seems the default response. Seems there needs to be a dead body to elicit any sort of response!

WorriedandTerfy · 20/03/2018 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostyslovesheets · 20/03/2018 15:31

Yes if children are at risk report to the services that help children at risk

Florene · 20/03/2018 15:31

I don't know where you live, but dealing with domestic incidents makes up around 80% of what my colleagues and I deal with, and we attend every single one, including verbal arguments.

MayInStTropez · 20/03/2018 15:33

They can’t tell you what’s happening but I’d report it to the school , social services , Drs and the police every time
Somebody will have to step in
Good on you for trying

greyhound18 · 20/03/2018 15:35

call social services. the police are useless they don't do anything these days, let people get away with anything

HerdofAntilop · 20/03/2018 15:35

Sadly doesn't surprise me. I did manage to get them out for my neighbor when her ex partner was attacking the car with her and her toddler in it. They came out but refused to watch the video of the event that I'd taken.

BarbarianMum · 20/03/2018 15:36

Shock YY to call social services. The police come out here. I know because I've called them twice in the past few weeks.

dated1988 · 20/03/2018 15:41

It doesn't surprise me, my ex partner assaulted me in public and the police did absolutely nothing as there wasn't enough evidence (cctv showed what happened). Social services are much more helpful, definitely recommend them

Bombardier25966 · 20/03/2018 15:43

the police are useless they don't do anything these days

The police don't stop, but due to massive funding cuts they have to prioritise, and that means people being left in abusive and sometimes fatal situations.

Don't blame the front line officers, blame the government that have cut resources to the bone.

TerranceandPhilip · 20/03/2018 15:46

the police are useless they don't do anything these days, let people get away with anything

The current prison population just knocked on the gate did they? Hmm

nursy1 · 20/03/2018 15:47

I’d report to social services. It should get through to local hub which is supposed to join up little bits of concern expressed from police, School, health care etc.
Poor kids and poor you. It can’t be pleasant living next to all that.

PapaLazarousWife · 20/03/2018 15:48

Where do you live?! In my force area domestics are a force priority and anything ongoing is treated as an emergency response. Definitely refer to SS.

TerranceandPhilip · 20/03/2018 15:49

The police don't stop, but due to massive funding cuts they have to prioritise, and that means people being left in abusive and sometimes fatal situations

This. The picture attached shows the amount of officers cut is equivalent to losing these forces entirely

I have been told that police will no longer come out to this domestic abuse situation even when there are children involved *TITLE EDITED BY MNHQ*
Redglitter · 20/03/2018 15:49

I'd be phoning back and complaining if that's what you were told.

Our Force are the total opposite. Domestic incidents are one of the things that get absolute priority. If we can't get a reply to a house door for example it'll literally be tried several times a day for several days to get someone. Anything that is remotely domestic related gets very robustly dealt with.

I find it impossible to believe that any police force would say they don't have time to deal with them.

elisenbrunnen · 20/03/2018 15:49

the police are useless they don't do anything these days

Maybe they are too busy doing all the other things they need to do in a shift? Or do you think they are sitting in the Police Station watching Morse?

user1493413286 · 20/03/2018 15:51

I’m really shocked at that; next time tell them you think someone is being hurt.
Also call social services

PinkHeart5914 · 20/03/2018 15:52

It’s bad if they don’t come out but the people working as police officers aren’t to blame, it’s the funding cuts that are the issue. And of course the police do things, they don’t let people get away with anything what a ridiculous statement.

You could try social services or the nspcc?

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 20/03/2018 15:52

the police are useless they don't do anything these days

Police officers are working longer and longer, don't blame them because they are under-staffed. How would you like to come back from a 14 hours shift and be told you're not doing anything.

MistyMinge · 20/03/2018 15:53

Nspcc and, or, social services. Poor children.

In regards to the police - blame the government. Every public service is under immense pressure due to massive cuts. If things continue the way they are I dread to think what our not too distant future will look like.

TerranceandPhilip · 20/03/2018 15:53

sorry, we don’t come out to domestic incidents because we don’t have the time.

Actually, thinking about it, I'm calling that as complete bollocks. There's no way one force has just decided they don't come out to domestic incidents at all. Simply wouldn't happen.

Given that I've literally attended a domestic incident which was a verbal row between brother and sister (adults) over a PlayStation remote, I'm calling this as nonsense

Lovemusic33 · 20/03/2018 15:53

Phone social services, tell the, you are worried about the children in the house.

I would also keep phoning the police when it happens and empthisis the fact there are children screaming.

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