To Stop Dieting?

[MessyMcDoogle]

I'm 17st 7lbs at 5ft 5 and I've been obese since I was 7 years old.

I've also 'been on a diet' since I was 7 with varying degrees of success, but my lowest ever adult weight is 14st so I've never been a healthy weight.

I've been doing some reading (books, not online blogs etc) and there's a school of thought that dieting actually causes obesity by buggering up your relationship with food. I feel this. I loathe myself whenever I eat and often wake up in the morning feeling guilty about what I ate the day before, then realise I had a good day and didnt binge so I dont have anything to feel guilty about

I binge eat in the evenings fairly regularly because once I'm "off track" on whatever diet I"m doing, I just think 'fuck it' and eat what I want, all the time feeling guilty for what I'm eating and therefore making the desire to binge even stronger. It's maddening.

I want to just stop. I don't want to track anything, I don't want to parse blame for my weight onto whether a particular diet 'works' or not etc etc. I just want to eat like a normal fucking human being and not feel bad about it and keep the accountability on me, not on a 'plan'.

My fear is though that I"m going to get even bigger. I really can't afford to do that, I'm massive as it is. I feel like by removing the restrictions on myself I'm just going to go crazy and have no structure to pull my eating back under control.

Is this a really bad idea?

So sorry you're feeling like this. Have you seen any professionals about your relationship with food? It sounds like everything you've tried has not really worked so you end up in thus negative spiral. You do need to address your weight as it's got the potential to lead to some significant health problems, but you need really good support to help you achieve that. I wish you lots of luck x

Have you tried sw without all the shit? Ie 15 syns of junk, the rice, pasta & potatoes and the he-b? I did that before my current plan and I lost a stone in about a month. If you do it that way its basically just structured clean eating. Worked for me.

Op I do that 'off track' thing too. It's bloody annoying

I think what you suggest is worth a go. Could you take the focus off food a bit and focus more on being active?

I agree with a PP. You don't need to diet. You need to address your unhealthy relationship with food so you can start to have better habits.

I feel like that. And I've just started looking at Rebelfit - exercise and nutrition, not shitty guilt-inducing diets that favour an additive-filled chocolate bar but restrict something like an avocado.

Have a look, you might like their approach...

YANBU. Have you read any Susie Orbach? Or Geneen Roth? I found both helpful with addressing my emotional eating :)

Have you read Gary Taubes Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It?. I know it's a cliche but it has completely changed my (still slightly fucked up) relationship with food. It takes the blame from individuals by pointing out problems with government food charts, the new commercial reliance on wheat/corn etc. This isn't your fault - the fact that so many people struggle with their weight now can't just be down to individuals' lack of self discipline. Good luck

I did this a year ago - I just decided to stop weighing myself and stop dieting after 30 years of yoyo dieting.

The good news is that it's nice not tracking everything and I haven't gained much/any weight (I can't be sure as I genuinely don't weigh myself any more, but my clothes feel about the same).

The bad news is that I haven't lost any either (I'm smaller than you, but not a healthy weight). I still don't have a great relationship with food - I overeat at times, and get pissed off with myself when I do.

So it's worked to some extent but it hasn't been the magic solution I was hoping for!

Because you've been obese all your life it's going to be very hard, and probably quite scary, for you to live any way otherwise.

But (as someone who was obese for a number of years) you really do deserve to be healthy, the difference it makes to your quality of life is amazing.

To be your weight at your height really is putting you at a lot of risk.

Have you tried Slimming World? You can eat unlimited amounts of lots of foods, and nothing is off limits, so you don't need to be starving hungry etc. And if you do have a slip up then they have a very healthy, just get back on it the next day, attitude.

I'm slightly heavier than you. Tried every diet. My eating was so fucked up. So I've stopped dieting. I was miserable, getting fatter, and felt so down on myself all the time. Almost every thought was about how fat i was, how i had no will power, why couldn't i be normal. So fed up of it, it was exhausting.

I try my best to eat plenty of fruit and veg, and make healthy family meals, but I don't think about syns, points, calories. I just try and eat like a normal person. And it feels amazing. Been on a diet since I was 13. I don't know what I weigh now, but my clothes are definitely looser. I highly recommend it.

I've emotionally yo-yo'd for YEARS.....

I'm 5ft8 and have been 19 stone and 11 stone.... lost 6 stone with slim fast.... put it back on.... lost 6 stone doing low GI diet... put it all back on...

Typically I'm very black and white so can diet for months, lose loads of weight, something in my life will upset me, I'll eat crap and then continue eating crap as 'Why not? may as well, I've failed.....'

Since 1st Jan I've lost 3 stone and am planning on losing another 2-3 before end of July (when I get married) and oddly enough, I feel a lot more in control about all of my emotional eating.

I've been seeing a counsellor for a few years to address my phobia around injections and that has deviated into talking about other areas of my life - one is around food.

I can honestly say, I don't hate myself as much as I did, nor do I 'punish' myself and binge eat - as that's basically how it felt to me, I would 'punish myself' and continue to eat crap, to the point I didn't even enjoy what I put in my mouth.

I'd certainly suggest seeing if you can find someone to talk to about your eating habits... I 100% sympathise as your line about 'not feeling bad about it' suggests you also aren't very kind to yourself..... and that's how I felt for ages.

Also, sometimes, we can assume the entire world and his wife are 'good' with food - that they don't binge, that they don't eat crap... which is completely false. So many people overeat - I think the difference is, we continue the next day, whereas others say 'I overate yesterday, so I'll just reign it in for the next few days', but probably don't have the same level of frustration and self loathing that we feel.

In your post there's a lot about feelings / feeling guilty / feeling tired about tracking stuff / feeling frustrated.... I'd certainly look at addressing those things and perhaps the weight will look after itself for a while?

I hear you OP. This is really interesting
<a class="break-all" href="https://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/05/08/opinion/sunday/why-you-cant-lose-weight-on-a-diet.html?referer=www.google.co.uk/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">mobile.nytimes.com/2016/05/08/opinion/sunday/why-you-cant-lose-weight-on-a-diet.html?referer=www.google.co.uk/

Thanks :)

Haven't seen anyone, I approached my GP and asked for access to a psychologist but I was told there currently isnt provision for this and I'd have to go private. No way can I afford that, so I'm stuck really.

You can give up dieting but you do need simple guidelines to follow or you will just get bigger and more reliant on junk.

Try the no s diet. It's very simple.

If you could also make me take my own advice, that'd be great.

Also I've read Taubes, it was great but with respect, this IS my fault, no good will come of blaming the world when I can do something about it.

Also please for the love of god stop suggesting plans etc, the more you say "but slimming world/ rebelfit/ low carb isn't a diet it's a way of life' the more stabby I get.

ALL of them, absolutely ALL of them are diets/ plans etc. If you can apply the phrase "if you stick to it it will work" to it, it's a bloody diet plan.

Also, I've tried them all. Lowest weight/ best weight loss came with low carb, got down to 14st on that but gained it all back in 4 months.

Yup.

There is a website called 'Eat like a normal person.' It's fantastic. I recommend it. I'd also recommend a book called Brain Over Binge, if binging/food restriction has been a part of your life

Dieting is miserable. It's going to sound really odd but the only people who diet are overweight. Thin, healthy people might be naturally selective in what they eat but that's a different thing to endlessly restricting and calorie counting.

Eat real food, eat lots of fruit and veg, get walking if you don't already and concentrate on having fun. Diets make you fatter.

I’ve been doing similar to what you suggest and it’s working really well for me.

I was overweight as a child and obsess as a teenager. Lost about 4 stone dieting and then have been trapped in a yo yo dieting mindset for about 18 years! I’ve been losing and gaining the same 1 and 1/2 stone, stuck in a binge-restrict cycle. Over the past couple of years I’ve overcome this and feel so much freer.

What’s worked for me:
Reading on the subject - (probably the same books as you) eg how to say goodbye to overeating. Rebel fit as a previous poster mentioned.
Not weighing myself......ever! I measure my waist every month or so.
Exercise- I bought myself 6 personal training sessions and it was AMAZING! It helped me find exercise I enjoy and workout 2-3 time’s a week.
I try to consciously “eat like a normal person”. My DH enjoys food but doesn’t have the same emotional connection to it as me. I try to eat like him - not regularly snacking, not using food to medicate myself, over-indulging sometimes but then getting back to “normal” eating at the very next meal.

Hope some of that is helpful. Good luck.

Here you are. Eat like a normal person

I like the no S plan too because it gives you a framework but for some people who've lived with years of restrictions/weight regain even that will be too much.

Another voice for rebelfit. It's not a plan. But it will help you realise some truths and potentially rewire your brain.
Liam, Mr Rebelfit is VERY anti diets.

YANBU at all OP. I hate the fact that what I am eating or what I should or shouldn't be eating takes up so much of my headspace, and has done for years. It would be one thing if it actually paid off and got us to a permanent healthy weight, but it doesn't!

The trouble is, what does 'Eat like a normal human being' mean? If you're used to binging, it's hard to work out how to 'eat like a normal human being' without comparing your current eating habits to what you think 'normal' is, and then imposing some kind of diet rules on yourself in order to conform to 'normal'.

No S is about as non-diety as you can get while still trying to limit yourself a bit. No snacking between meals and no puddings/sweets, except at the weekend. That's it. Otherwise eat what you like. I reckon that is pretty much how a healthyish normal human eats!

OP you need Rebelfit.

Honestly join the revolution. Don't be scared.

I do think giving up dieting, calorie counting or things like SW is a great idea but will only work for health and weight loss if it's replaced by some sort of framework for healthy eating.

Processed sugary food is addictive, if one gave up dieting and ate what one wanted but ate a lot of that you'd wind up eating a huge amount.

The boring reality is that for most people, to be able to do so, you need a pretty healthy unprocessed diet most of the time, which will reduce the urges to binge as well and reset your appetite. But no-one is going to get there while they are eating a lot of addictive type foods.

It's not working, you think it's counter productive, so your post makes sense. You could flip it and try to eat regularly (3 meals, 3 snacks), eat enough, and have no banned foods. And focus more on other things in life.

What an interesting article @MiniPolarB