To Stop Dieting?

[MessyMcDoogle]

I'm 17st 7lbs at 5ft 5 and I've been obese since I was 7 years old.

I've also 'been on a diet' since I was 7 with varying degrees of success, but my lowest ever adult weight is 14st so I've never been a healthy weight.

I've been doing some reading (books, not online blogs etc) and there's a school of thought that dieting actually causes obesity by buggering up your relationship with food. I feel this. I loathe myself whenever I eat and often wake up in the morning feeling guilty about what I ate the day before, then realise I had a good day and didnt binge so I dont have anything to feel guilty about

I binge eat in the evenings fairly regularly because once I'm "off track" on whatever diet I"m doing, I just think 'fuck it' and eat what I want, all the time feeling guilty for what I'm eating and therefore making the desire to binge even stronger. It's maddening.

I want to just stop. I don't want to track anything, I don't want to parse blame for my weight onto whether a particular diet 'works' or not etc etc. I just want to eat like a normal fucking human being and not feel bad about it and keep the accountability on me, not on a 'plan'.

My fear is though that I"m going to get even bigger. I really can't afford to do that, I'm massive as it is. I feel like by removing the restrictions on myself I'm just going to go crazy and have no structure to pull my eating back under control.

Is this a really bad idea?

I'm down for a few rules, I'm not saying I just want to eat everything and as much of it as I want, but I don't want those rules to become something I can punish myself for iyswim.

I think I've come up with a plan after reading the normal people website someone posted (thank you, it's brilliant)

I'm going to eat as much as I can cleanly, so steer clear of processed foods as much as I can and avoid anything I know is a 'trigger food' for me. By that I mean foods I binge on routinely.

That's it for now. No other 'rules'. Once my clothes feel a bit looser (most definitely not weighing myself anymore, thanks for that suggestion) or I start to feel more in control I'll look at my eating and re-address if I need any more rules for myself.

I'll allow myself trigger foods if they are outside the opportunity to binge. So for example, if we have doughnuts available at work (once a month-ish) I'll allow myself one, because social pressures mean I won't ever have more than 1 (no one wants to be the fat girl who ate all the doughnuts), and I'll only have one if I feel like it's an 'in control' day. If I think it might trigger a binge later in the day because I'm not in the right mind set then I'll avoid it if I can.

I know where my weight comes from, it's 100% the 5000+ calorie binges a couple of times a week so knocking that on the head is an absolute must. I've tried doing that with diets but it's making it worse so I feel positive that this is possibly the way forward.

How much have you told your gp? It does sound like you have a binge eating disorder. Have you explained to him or her and they still refused councilling?

Blunt I was at the GP's for specifically this reason about 2 years ago and I explicitly explained my issues with food, how I binge eat, when and why I binge, what triggers it, how I have caused myself injuries by biting my hands when I was a kid to avoid binging and how now as an adult that translates to sitting on my hands/ compulsive nail biting to make them sore etc etc. I went through it all with her.

Her response was to look at my notes, inform me my BMI isn't high enough (I was 19st at the time) for gastric surgery and that that was the only provision available in my area for the treatment of obesity. So I got a bit upset and said 'so what you're telling me is I need to gain another 4 stone before you'll be able to help me? and even then it's surgery or nothing?' and she said 'yes.'

That was that.

I went back In January (I'd lost 5 stone, then re-gained 2 in 2 months and I've since regained another 1) to basically beg for help, a dietician referral, some form of clinic or anything and her response was 'you've lost lots of weight, well done! clearly you can do it!'

Completely ignored the fact that yes, I'd lost it but I'd re-gained it incredibly quickly and was continuing to gain fairly rapidly.. when I pointed this out she just said I needed to go back on my diet... not entirely unexpected advice really.

To be honest, I don't think this is the NHS's problem. I'm not ill in any diagnosable sense. Food addiction isnt a recognised diagnosis and BED (binge eating disorder) is only recently defined, so it's taking a while for GP's to catch up. Even if I have BED (fairly sure I do) the treatment is CBT which is accessable through an online protal, wonder if I can get that without a referral?

God, that is crap though! The consequences of obesity are costing the NHS a fortune. Spending money on prevention rather than treatment seems so much more sensible. And saying "Oh just go back on the diet" to someone with a serious bingeing problem is really not helpful.

Good luck OP. I love the theory that nourishing your body with not just healthy food, but nourishing, filling food and plenty of it, is the answer. After all, even over-eating nutritious food would be better for you than bingeing on crap.

I do think it's an nhs problem because for other mental health issues there is more help available. Can you change gp? She sounds totally and utterly unsupportive.

Blunt possibly, ill look into it.

I’ve just spent a very difficult hour on the BEAT website and you’re right, I very much fit the binge eating disorder description. Terrifyingly closely in fact. I’ve joined the beat BED online support group which meet on Fridays at 7pm as a starting point, so if nothing else I’ll at least get a bit more information and maybe some expert advice on how
INto tackle my GP problem.

Messy - I went to my GP and she did refer me for CBT. Partly weight related and I was also depressed. I saw a counsellor a few times. She was quite young. And bigger than me. I found it impossible to be honest about it all. The GP did offer to refer me to the bariatric dept at our local hospital but I said no.

I would also say op. I think you're handling this very maturely and intelligently. You're intellectualising what is causing the issue, what behaviour you need to address, what triggers you need to avoid and not giving yourself unbreakable rules that will tip you over the edge. You're also reading and trying to understand the issue and seeking help.

It's honestly quite impressive. 💐

Thanks blunt, I’m very data/ reasearch driven as a person so having something I can research and understand is helpful.

I’ve done a lot of reading around the diet trap and dieting in general but I haven’t ever looked into binge eating, which is mad really considering I’ve been aware it’s part of my issue for a very long time. I spoke to my GP about binging but when she came back with no information about it specifically I just assumed there was nothing to be said about it. I’ve never considered it to be a namable issue really I think because it’s just intrinsically part of my behaviour iyswim. Knowing it’s actually diagnosable as an eating disorder is allowing me to detatch from the reality of it and treat it like an illness, which I suppose it is in a way. That helps me believe it’s treatable and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s liberating.

I’ve got the binge eating book on audible so I listened to the first couple of chapters on my way home. I never realised how closely related bulimia is to binge eating. I have made myself sick in the past after a binge although it’s rare for me, so i can really relate to her.

We’ll see. I’m definitely taking a break from weight loss and not engaging in weight loss conversations at all (my parents and MIL are obsessed with diet and weight, it’s all we talk about) and I’m going to consciously avoid internal calorie counting (I’ve been on diets since I was a very young child, I can tell you the calories in anything off the top of my head and often count calories in my head without even realising I’m doing it. That’s why slimming world can’t work for me, I’ve tried a few times but I count calories in my head and don trust the plan etc).

I sent the BEAT website info on BED to my DH, and his response immediately was ‘that’s you, what can we do?’.. I don’t half love him sometimes.

For now, he’s going to do the cooking in the evening and not tell me what’s in the food (I have a habit of asking every ingredient ) so I don’t obsess about calories for a while and hopefully it will help me understand I’m not on a diet.

Fully expecting this to be harder than actually sticking to a diet to be honest, it’s going to be rough.

utter possibly, ill look into it but I’m not sure where to start, would there be a self referral number?

OP Have you tried Hypnotherapy? I bought Virtual Gastric Band by James Holmes available on the App Store, I think it was a fiver, best fiver I've ever spent, I listened to it once a day and lost three stone, without consciously doing another thing, changed my life.

PM'd you.

I binge eat in the evenings fairly regularly because once I'm "off track" on whatever diet I"m doing, I just think 'fuck it' and eat what I want, all the time feeling guilty for what I'm eating and therefore making the desire to binge even stronger. It's maddening

If you stop this I think you will feel so much better

Can you just eat 3 meals a day and eat well and exercise ? Stupid bloody question

But you need to get to the bottom of why you binge surely ?

Hey Messy I could have written your post last year, I'd even had obesity surgery and that didn't bloody work! The 'on' or 'off' a diet thing was identical for me, then I found Juice Plus!

🤣 Like fuck I did!! .... My life has a couple of rules that I stick to religiously and other than that, it's been easier than anything I've ever done, my BMI has dropped from 48 to 37.

My rules, eat three meals a day of whatever I liked, full fat, large portions 👍🏻 ... no snacking and no sugar. I don't need either as my meals are so fab, filling and what I 'want' to eat - not what I think I have to eat or what SW or WW tell me to. And lastly, I log my food, it just makes me not any trends, I lose weight best at 1800kcals per day - if I go under I am hungry inbetween meals and if I eat more my weight loss is very slow.

Try it - honestly it's the 'key'

Ps - I don't even like the smell of chocolate now!

Would it help to focus on positive eating goals, I.e make sure you get your 5 a day, if you already get them aim for 5 veg and 2 fruit per day. Aim for a certain amount of lean protein etc. Try not to focus on restricting food.
Are there any types of excercise you like? Maybe set an excercise goal which isn't to do with weight loss?

Can someone link that website again 👋 please

OP anyone who was fed diet milkshakes as a child will have an issue / seriously

I am also anti diets . I got to 12 stone and somehow have miracously stayed there . Mainly because I don’t eat shit anyone .

I really think if you crack the binges and do the normal eating thing / you will be happier

Oh and consider a decent therapist even 2 sessions a month for 6 months ?? You are worth it 🌈

Refer yourself into you local Improving Access to Psychological Service (IAPT).

I suspect your binges are partly driven by your restricting at other times. At your weight your TDEE (Total daily energy expenditure) will be quite high just to maintain. But by dieting we reduce that far too much. Which can trigger binges. Rebelfit is actually quite good on this. His recommendation would be to work out your TDEE and eat to it.

I think maybe thinking of ways to distract yourself could help. Like maybe take up something like knitting so you have something to do with you hands when you could end up mindlessley eating.
Also where is the food coming from on binges ? Is it already in the house, if so maybe try to go shopping when not hungry so you are not tempted by bargains on junk.
Plus delete takeaway apps etc to make it more difficult for you to access junk food straight away.

Food isn’t in the house, I order it from a local takeaway. If I need to binge and the takeaway isn’t open, I can turn almost anything into a binge food fairly easily.

I’m absolutely not tracking what I eat. I’ve done this for years and years and again it’s just something else I can beat myself over the head with.

I’m just not dieting or engaging with that world at all. I’m not trying to lose weight and every time I think about weight loss I’m stopping that train of thought.

My immediate goal is to not binge. That’s all I’m focused on. I don’t care about anything else, it’s not for weight loss it’s for my mental health which is so much more important.

That sounds like a sensible first step. Could you focus on stopping bingeing and increasing exercise alongside it? Start very slowly with walking, and gradually build up and hopefully your mindset will gradually change to wanting to eat more healthily to fuel exercise.

I’d love to be able to do that but haven’t managed to not log my food, as found I did gain when I tried that. I am however having quite a lot of success with changing that I’ve blown it, might as well start again tomorrow and feed my face with crap thing. I’m very data driven and what worked for me is getting a Fitbit so I can see my energy output and then keep an eye on the in. Obviously this is the whole calories in calories out thing but in my head is is ‘energy balance’ . It’s early days for me yet, been doing it since November 2016. Am 97lbs down or thereabouts. Ultimate aim is another 12 or 13lbs but whilst things are a bit all over the place i’m Very happy maintaining and my BMI has gone from 43 I think to 27 so huge health benefits.

Have learned over time that if i’m Tired and having a hungry day then that’s ok as other days will make up for it and it will balance out over time. I eat whatever I want as found feeling deprived made me felt like bingeing. But do try and stick to about 80% good quality food. I use an app called Nutracheck which has been great for portion control which was hugely out of the window when I started, I think SW and free food hadn’t helped that.

Over time I’ve go to the stage where I don’t eat after 6pm generally and that seems to suit my body. I am struggling with perimenopause, my sleep isn’t great at the moment, I have dreadful PMT and this week is highly stressful with interviews, assessment days, building work. I’ve eaten more than I’ve burned off so far and probably will have still by the end of the week but that’s ok, it is just one week and it will not undo the others. I find having access to all my data puts things into context in my head. If the scales go up a couple of pounds then it’s water, not because I went out and had a large meal as I know I won’t have eaten 7000 cals in excess of my TDEE to cause that level of gain. I do not feel guilt around food any more which is a huge step forward.

It’s a huge subject and obviously no one answer for everyone. It’s finding whatever it is you can stick to for life to learn to maintain your weight as that’s the difficult bit, not the losing. Good luck.

It looks like you are clearer on what you want

To eat normally and healthily
To stop the binges which you say are done primarily via ordering take always

So I guess the next step is to research binge eating and the psychological drivers and triggers behind it

If you don’t - it won’t stop will it ?

Your self awareness is impressive . But the next step is a pretty significant one