To Stop Dieting?

[MessyMcDoogle]

I'm 17st 7lbs at 5ft 5 and I've been obese since I was 7 years old.

I've also 'been on a diet' since I was 7 with varying degrees of success, but my lowest ever adult weight is 14st so I've never been a healthy weight.

I've been doing some reading (books, not online blogs etc) and there's a school of thought that dieting actually causes obesity by buggering up your relationship with food. I feel this. I loathe myself whenever I eat and often wake up in the morning feeling guilty about what I ate the day before, then realise I had a good day and didnt binge so I dont have anything to feel guilty about

I binge eat in the evenings fairly regularly because once I'm "off track" on whatever diet I"m doing, I just think 'fuck it' and eat what I want, all the time feeling guilty for what I'm eating and therefore making the desire to binge even stronger. It's maddening.

I want to just stop. I don't want to track anything, I don't want to parse blame for my weight onto whether a particular diet 'works' or not etc etc. I just want to eat like a normal fucking human being and not feel bad about it and keep the accountability on me, not on a 'plan'.

My fear is though that I"m going to get even bigger. I really can't afford to do that, I'm massive as it is. I feel like by removing the restrictions on myself I'm just going to go crazy and have no structure to pull my eating back under control.

Is this a really bad idea?

As others have said, diets don’t work. Diets that call themselves lifestyle changes are just the same shit in patronising sauce.

What might work (but of course it may well not be practical, or you might quite reasonably decide not to do it) is an actual lifestyle change. Sell the car, buy a bike, move somewhere where the quickest/cheapest/easiest way of getting to work/school/shops is under your own steam. This probably means a city - rural life is hellaciously unhealthy. Change your job to a more active one, develop friendship groups around active activities. Etc...

That wasn’t meant to sound preachy - it was meant to say that people are becoming fatter because we’ve built this obesogenic environment that pushes us towards fat - and then we sell people packages of guilt called diets. It’s infuriating.

This is an amazing thread. I’m not overweight now but have struggled with a somewhat disordered attitude to food most of my life. Like others on here, my mother was always on a diet when I was a child and had a very restrictive relationship with food that, combined with the fact that we had to ‘clean our plates’ to get pudding and an attitude that treat food was something to be ‘deserved’ due to good behaviour and/or needing cheering up, messed up my idea of what food was for. I certainly didn’t grow up with the idea that food was about nourishment.

I’ve become increasingly interested in the concept of ‘intuitive eating’ and that website linked earlier is really illuminating.

Good luck on your journey OP. You sound like you’re at an exciting turning point with your relationship with food.

If anyone's interested, there is now a dedicated support thread for MNetters who either want to give up dieting for good or who already have but are struggling and need help. You can find it here.

MyFitnessPal, eat what you like but only within your calories. You could start at 1600 calories then go down. Don’t risk getting heavier.

Seriously, fuck off Blonde. Did you even read the thread? Weve been discussing the possibility I have an eating disorder and have already openly admitted I’m mentally unwell and you decide to recommend MFP and warn me not to ‘risk’ getting heavier? Fuck you. Seriously.

So I spoke to a BEAT councillor last night over the phone and poured my heart out basically. I told him everything and he agrees I very much fit the criteria for BED or as he prefers to call it ‘bulimia none purging type’. He’s suggested I book an appointment to see my nurse practitioner as soon as I can if I don’t want to see the GP and to engage with their online support group who meet for theropy on Friday nights just to get an idea of what group theropy can offer.

He’s emphasised this is an illness and it needs to be tackled like any other illness. Diagnosis, treatment and recovery.

I’m a bit shell shocked with it all to be honest, I keep getting emotional and welling up for no reason I can pin point. It’s all a bit terrifying.

I’m sure it is terrifying. But massive well done for getting your head around it all and actually doing something. And something much better for you than tracking calories on MFP!

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo - thanks for that. Will check it out later. (And Olivia would talk very fast and drink a few large glasses of red wine!).

cider I’m a fairly pragmatic person so if I can treat this like an illness I can process it much easier.

I’ve got an appointment to see the nurse practitioner later today, I called at 8:30 and I’m going at 2pm. Wish me luck.

Good luck OP! So glad to hear that you're now on the road to getting some help

You obviously have underlying issues that need to be addressed, but ultimately the only solution will be to eat less and move more.

Saying you straight up refuse to track food, count calories or increase your activity levels is quite frankly ridiculous!

Therapy will help you with your mental barriers but you will still need to put the work in to lose the weight.

You're obese because you eat too much and you eat crap. You will need to make massive life style changes to lose the weight - and yes, that will include an eating plan, whether you like it or not.

Therapy might help, but you also need to take responsibility for your own health.

Kubex - that’s so helpful. Have you actually read the thread? Messy and many others have been doing that for years. And years. And years. And gotten bigger. And hated themselves. And felt like a failure. It’s not always as easy as you make out. Otherwise we’d all be slim!

What a spiteful post kubex.

Do you honestly believe it's necessary to be on an 'eating plan ' in order to be a healthy weight? If so you have more food issues than the op.

@MessyMcdoogle your response to the advice @BlondeB83 gave you is disgusting.

She suggested a very popular app that has helped many, many people stay on track with weight loss.

No need, at all, to be so rude!

Yes, I've read the thread. And I stand by everything I said - none of which was spiteful or rude.

As I said, the OP obviously has issues with food that need to be addressed, but therapy alone won't make her lose weight.

And no, I don't believe it is necessary for most people to be on an eating plan to be a healthy weight.

But I do believe it is necessary for someone like the OP, who is massively overweight and has a very unhealthy relationship with food.

An eating plan would help her understand portion control, moderation and healthy choices which would enable her to eat normally without fad diets.

Well if you had read the thread Kubex you would have seen that Messy specifically asked people NOT to recommend any plans or tracking. There is a reason for that.

Kubex she knows all that. And that may well come again AFTER she sorts out the mental side. Yes she has a messed up relationship with food through no fault of her own. And she is going to deal with that. If you can’t respect her request not to recommend diets and plans which she has tried many many times before then maybe leave the tread?

I love that. ‘You’re fat, clearly you have no idea how to eat sensibly and just eat too much and eat crap, you horrible, useless human’.

Piss off.

So some people feel that telling for example to an anorexia sufferer 'Take respnsibility and eat more!' is going to snap her out of it?

Does that give the OP the right to tell someone 'fuck off' and 'fuck you' like she did a previous poster?

I didn't suggest a fad diet, but it is unrealistic of the OP to expect to lose weight through therapy alone.

What she calls an eating plan is actually just a healthy way to eat. It feels like a diet to her because it has healthy foods instead of the take away fast food she is used to eating.

Out of interest Kubex would you say all that to a person with bulimia? Because BED used to be called bulimia - none purgeing type. It’s the same problem.

What you’ve essentially just done is read a thread from a person at their most vulnerable and hurt discovering for the first time that she’s probably quite unwell, then attempted to kick her when she’s down by pointing out the blindingly obvious.. that she’s obese and needs to go on a diet which is in exact contrast to the advice she’s been given by the professionals she’s already spoken to.

Have a word with yourself.

Also, I’m not trying to lose weight by getting theropy, I’m trying to get well. But please, do continue to tell me how I must only ever eat takeaways and clearly just need to eat a fucking salad.

Actually all the science shows that it isn't just a matter of eat less, move more for overweight and obese people. Because their metabolism changes, and the normal weight that the brain tries to maintain changes. And they become resistant to lupin, which helps to stop the hunger urges.

So yeah, piss off kubex and do some reading.

How exactly do you think people with eating disorders are treated?

With therapy and eating plans! And a lot of hard work on their part, which the OP doesn't seem willing to accept.

OP, obviously you have issues but that doesn't give you the right to be an arsehole.

I would suggest that you are the one that needs to have a word with herself - with an attitude as shocking as yours, you will be hard work for the professionals that treat you.

I wish you luck with your treatment.