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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a home birth?

650 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 08:28

I’m not pregnant (yet), but chatting to my mum and some friends recently I mentioned I’d like a home birth next time. Their reactions weren’t positive, to say the least Confused - despite me explaining that, for a 2nd baby, home birth is as safe as an MLU, and both are safer than a hospital. They’ve made me really doubt myself - having read the research and stats I was convinced it’s the best option, but am I missing something?!

OP posts:
TwittleBee · 21/03/2018 16:13

DrWhy I really have my fingers crossed for you!

DrWhy · 21/03/2018 16:24

@ViolettaValentina
I hope my various explanations above might help to demonstrate why when presented with all the alternatives as they are in our area a birth in your own home with two well trained midwives, (limited) medical equipment just for you, 10-15 mins by ambulance to the nearest hospital and with your privacy and own bed afterwards could be appealing!

Namechangedwindy · 21/03/2018 17:02

I had my first in an MLU 20 miles from the nearest hospital. It was such a lovely experience it was so relaxing and I had a quick easier no complications labour.
So much did I enjoy it that I planned to have a home birth for my 2nd however in between I suffered miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. By the time I finally had a successful pregnancy I knew everyone in the hospital already and was happy to just have her there and I'm glad I did. It was a pretty hairy delivery and I'm sure if we had been at home either one or both of us could have died. Looking back now even though I had a positive experience I feel I was very naive having my first in a mlu so far away from a hospital

No 2 births are ever the same

Notevilstepmother · 21/03/2018 17:18

I was born in hospital. Lucky for me as I had the cord around my neck, my heartbeat was off the scale and I was becoming oxygen deprived. If I’d been a home birth I’d be dead or unable to walk and probably have severe learning difficulties. Instead I’m alive and well and a graduate.

I don’t understand why anyone would take the risk and I think it’s irresponsible. It’s your child’s life at risk.

Greenyogagirl · 21/03/2018 17:21

Its hardly a risk if you have a decent midwife and pregnancy went well. It wasn’t that long ago that the majority of births were home births. Yeah take into consideration where the hospital is and keep an open mind. I started at home and was rushed to hospital, I’d still have a home birth.

Pikehau · 21/03/2018 18:39

Notevilstepmother

Not to belittle your experience but I know of those who had a mw deal with the above. Obviously can’t compare exactly but mw are capable of dealing with emergencies.

KittenBeast · 21/03/2018 19:51

I would never have a home birth, if I had had a home birth with my first he would be dead, and with my second I would have been rushed to hospital.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 21/03/2018 19:56

I had a homebirth with DD. It was incredibly smooth and stress free. No mess. MW cleaned up afterwards. Warm shower, own bed, and home comforts immediately. 1-1 care with no distractions.

Not all births go wrong and not all women who have a HB are irresponsible Hmm.

MissDuke · 21/03/2018 19:57

Notevil this just isn't true! Firstly, issues like that are spotted quickly at HBs and transfer in will be organised immediately. Secondly think about the mechanics of birth. Cord around the neck - what harm is this actually doing to the baby? The baby who does not breathe, but receives oxygen from the blood flow from mum through the cord. It is highly unusual for cord around the neck to truly cause asphyxia, it would have to be incredibly tight to occlude the arteries in the neck and so reduce blood flow to the brain. Babies are designed to sustain some oxygen deprivation during birth. Babies are born safely day in day out with cord around their necks.

The scaremongering on this thread is incredibly unhelpful.

MissDuke · 21/03/2018 20:00

Kitten, again how do you know HE WOULD BE DEAD? Midwives at homebirths can deal with all sorts of emergencies. Also many emergencies wouldn't have happened in the first place at home.

VioletteValentia · 21/03/2018 20:02

The scaremongering on this thread is incredibly unhelpful.

How much positive thinking and new age bullshit relaxing music would magic me an incubator?

TwittleBee · 21/03/2018 20:09

VioletteValentia okay so now I'm sure you're just a troll. You've posted far too many purposefully stupid and antagonizing comments now

MissDuke · 21/03/2018 20:16

Violette, the best incubator is skin to skin with mum. You do realise it is just there to keep baby warm?

VioletteValentia · 21/03/2018 20:19

Violette, the best incubator is skin to skin with mum. You do realise it is just there to keep baby warm?

And to provide a safe place for the baby to have a drip, feeding tube and CPAP. Or should I have just held him? Hmm

VioletteValentia · 21/03/2018 20:21

okay so now I'm sure you're just a troll. You've posted far too many purposefully stupid and antagonizing comments now

I’m not trolling. She implied those of us who said our babies nearly died were exaggerating and that had we just done the correct thing (a home birth) it wouldn’tve happened.

Sevendown · 21/03/2018 20:22

Nrft but I’ve had home births and would recommend them

TheOriginalEmu · 21/03/2018 20:23

The insistence of people that there is a 'risk' where there is no a risk is infuriating. for women with low risk pregnancies they are not at any greater risk. the end. you can waffle on all you like.

MissDuke · 21/03/2018 20:23

Of course you can hold a baby having all of those things. However that wasn't your question - it was how do you magic up an incubator at a HB Confused

VioletteValentia · 21/03/2018 20:24

Of course you can hold a baby having all of those things. However that wasn't your question - it was how do you magic up an incubator at a HB

Yeah, because it’s needed along with the other things in certain scenarios. And you can hold them afterwards but not while it’s being done. I didn’t see my son for hours due to him needing intensive medical attention.

MrsMaxwell · 21/03/2018 20:25

I have not TRFT.

I had my first home birth in 1999 with my 2nd child when it was very Hmm my dad was really against it.

It was amazing and so wonderful I can not recommend it enough, you get two Midwives devoted to you and only you for the entire time sndvif there is a sniff of trouble you are whipped into hospital.

I had my second HB in 2002, still unpopular but not as much.

If you can and it’s safe and you have good support go for it you will not regret it, and the siblings get to see the baby as soon as it’s born.

I have encouraged quite a few friends to have Home births too Grin

MissDuke · 21/03/2018 20:25

And no 'she' didn't say people are exaggerating, 'she' asked if anyone was actually told that or if they just believe it from what they have saw. I know loads of people who believed they nearly died in childbirth because the emergency buzzer was pulled, however the reality was very different. I can understand though why people genuinely believe they were dying. That however doesn't necessarily make it true.

MissDuke · 21/03/2018 20:28

Violet that is definitely ocrrect, however at a HB scenario the best thing you can do with baby is skin to skin whilst awaiting transfer to hospital if baby needs special care. Or if it is very serious and baby needs CPAP, this can be replicated en route with the bag and mask that all midwives will have to hand. Respiratory distress is more common after a section that a straight forward normal birth. It obviously can still happen though.

MissDuke · 21/03/2018 20:29

Sorry for the million typos!

TheOriginalEmu · 21/03/2018 20:30

I had all 3 of my children at home in the early 2000s. All three went pretty smoothly, the first was long and we did consider a transfer just because i was getting tired, but then things stepped up so it wasn't needed. with the other two the midwives turned up. i had the baby. they left. life went on.
There was nothing risky or dramatic about it. had there been we'd have gone to hospital.

KittenBeast · 21/03/2018 20:32

But I was a low risk pregnancy, the was nothing wrong, and then all of a sudden I needed an episiotomy and forceps as his heart rate was 60bpm, he came out and was in resuscitation for £20 minutes. He was so blue he was almost black, he didn't move or cry or open his eyes, we would have been completely fucked in a home birth, yes. But, I suppose I'm making it up.