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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to leave my 1 year old for a week?

103 replies

Happystpatricks1 · 19/03/2018 22:16

Dh has won an award (he’s a scientist) and there is a ceremony in Arizona to present the awards. It is a big deal and I’m very happy for him but it is a week long trip away from ds who will be 15 months by then. I have never left him even overnight before but dh isn’t really bothered and thinks ds will have a great time with my sister - yes I do trust her to look after him but a week seems like a long time to be away?

OP posts:
Skarossinkplunger · 21/03/2018 13:31

For those of you saying to book your own flights and go I would assume a week long trip with a private lane would include other activities which will probably be child-free so you’d be spending most of the time away from your husband anyway.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2018 13:31

I wouldn't go, but then, I wouldn't go for a week as the jet lag would be hell.

confuddledconfudle · 21/03/2018 13:35

Go! He has a close bond with your sister and will be absolutely fine.
Many people do it either through choice (holidays) or forced (eg hospital stays) and I'm not aware that any of these kids suddenly feel unloved (as long as they are with people they have a close bond already with.
I would not hesitate to leave my daughter with my parents. Although I do get the hesitation as a week does feel like a long time. Think of the positives, a whole week to reconnect with your husband!

MaryShelley1818 · 21/03/2018 13:36

As it’s such a unique and special opportunity, AND because you have trusted childcare options, I’d definitely go!

I have a 15wk pfb, and me and DP are going away for a night next month, and I’m going to Spain for 4 days in May with friends to celebrate a big Birthday.
I’m already feeling worried about it, and know I’ll miss him desperately but it’s really important to me to maintain my own life outside of being ‘mummy’ and to still pursue time as adults for ourselves. DS is my entire world and every minute of every day revolves around him right now, but I do think a break is healthy.

FrenchJunebug · 21/03/2018 13:39

I would go and your baby would be fine but if you are anxious practice your sister having him overnight for one night or more before the trip.

SingleAgainThen · 21/03/2018 13:40

I’d def go, have fun!

GrandTheftWalrus · 21/03/2018 13:44

I'm leaving my 16 month old for a week next month to go work. She'll be with her dad so slightly different but we'll be fine.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/03/2018 13:46

I thought this was going to be a hen do one!

Ordinarily I'd go on the side of can't be in different countries but this is presumably a likely once in a lifetime chance and an amazing recognition of your fabulous husband. Go. If sister is willing, and if you can studio stone trial sleepovers, go and take a million photographs. He won't remember it

OneStepSideways · 21/03/2018 13:49

In your shoes I wouldn't leave him. A week is like a month to a two year old. Why can't he come with you?

Glassofredandapackofcrisps · 21/03/2018 13:50

Wow I'm astounded the number of support your husband comments! Children come first no way would I be going! I'm leaving my two year old overnight for the first time in a few months and I'm worried about that!

Cornettoninja · 21/03/2018 13:50

Mothers (and women in general) are often accused of being irrational and i don’t like that either

Me either in all honesty but I have to control myself since I have a tendency to worry. The thought of spending hours on a plane if something went wrong makes me anxious I'd probably have a stroke if I actually had to do it! Past experiences and all that.

Still the statistical chance of anything at all happening that would require a mad dash back is tiny so I think it's not something that should hold someone back if they want to go.

Inertia · 21/03/2018 13:55

I couldn’t have left my children at that age.

Why do you have to go? Surely your DH will be fine without you ?

SoftSheen · 21/03/2018 13:58

I left DS for 2 days and one night at around 16 months (hospital stay), and although he coped, he stuck to me like a limpet for several days afterwards and was clingy for weeks. Babies/toddlers often suffer separation anxiety at this age, but they are too young to have any real concept of time, and have too little language to understand explanations from their caregiver. So on that basis, personally I wouldn't.

Also, it is around 20 hours travel to reach Arizona, and Arizona gets extremely hot in the summer months (40 C+, it is mostly desert), so I would be reluctant to travel there with a baby unless it was absolutely necessary.

Hakarl · 21/03/2018 14:01

You are very lucky to have someone willing and able to look after your child for a week.

I agree with PPs who said that sometimes your relationship should come before the child. Your DH won an award that sounds like a big deal. You should go and experience this with him. Your child is not a tiny baby, he will be absolutely fine.

We went to Spain as a couple when DD was about 15 months for almost a week. She stayed with her aunt. She was fine and it was absolutely brilliant for us. I'm sure if she'd been consulted she would much rather we didn't leave her for any time at all, but as I say I don't believe the child's wishes should always come first when they're not going to come to any harm.

Whereisthegin1978 · 21/03/2018 14:03

Hi, I think it does seem a long time to be away from your little one but equally that week will fly by! It's an amazing opportunity. I would also be struggling with the decision as you are but think in the end would go for it (easy to say when hypothetical!) if my sister was willing and able to care for my DS. You don't say when it is - perhaps you could organise a couple of sleepovers to get you and him used to being apart overnight and get him used to staying at hers o/night - it might put your mind at rest a bit.

MrsKCoulter · 21/03/2018 14:08

What a nice offer from your sister. It's great that she's supportive and likes hanging out with your son.

I think the comments show that it just depends on your and your sister's relationships with your son, and his levels of clinginess, how sad he (or you) will get. That's the main consideration against, right?

As for whether to support your husband or stay to reassure your child - it's ok to decide based primarily on what you would prefer to do!

I would def do a few practice sleepovers though if your sister is up for it.

Blaablaablaa · 21/03/2018 14:23

I would go. Have a couple of practice runs if possible.
He will have a fabulous time being spoiled by your sister and you get a trip of a lifetime plus quality time with DH.
Even at 15 months a week will mean nothing to him and your aren't going to scar him for life.

Sounds like a wonderful opportunity

hibbledibble · 21/03/2018 14:48

Can you book separate plane tickets and bring your ds? Book a babysitter for key parts? I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a baby for this time either.

Myheartbelongsto · 21/03/2018 19:08

I'd go!

DrEustaciaBenson · 22/03/2018 10:32

Can you book separate plane tickets and bring your ds?

Depends where the event is being held, doesn't it? If it's in a hotel, possibly. If it's in a private facility, or a venue that never normally caters for children, op can't just rock up with a toddler and expect to be accommodated.

And what would be best for ds? Staying with people he knows, in a place he knows, with familiar routines, food, toys, activities, or being taken on a long flight to a strange place with strange food, no toys or activities to occupy him, and where he'll probably have to be left with strangers if op is to participate in any of the events or activities with her dh.

PasstheStarmix · 22/03/2018 10:35

Could you leave your ds over night with your sister for a trial run and see how he is? This may help you go away knowing he’s spent the night there before and everything was okay.

Sashkin · 22/03/2018 11:03

I wouldn’t personally - I’m working nights this week so only seeing DS for a few hours at dinner time, and he is noticeably more clingy, off his food (just wants breastfeeding when I’m around when he was almost weaned before), and he gets up to look for me every morning.

I’m not saying a week away would scar him for life, but it's clear he wouldn’t enjoy it so why put him through it if it’s not necessary?

Figgygal · 22/03/2018 11:08

Honestly on opportunity like that and possibly a career defining event in my husbands career as much as I would miss my child and I have 17-month-old I would go.

But understand why some people might not want to do that too it's a very personal thing

itstimeforanamechange · 22/03/2018 11:14

Well I've just googled Arizona and science awards and if it's what I think it is it looks very high-flying. I think you should go.

Your ds won't remember being with your sister and anyway he might have a great time.

The only thing I would consider is going on a different plane to DH.

villageshop · 22/03/2018 11:19

I went in exactly the same circumstances when my DD was 13 months. I left her with a friend. I regret it and feel really guilty about it now though I can't say I noticed any adverse effects.

My DD is in her thirties now and it's the only thing I feel bad about in her entire upbringing - the one time when I didn't put her first.

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