Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to leave my 1 year old for a week?

103 replies

Happystpatricks1 · 19/03/2018 22:16

Dh has won an award (he’s a scientist) and there is a ceremony in Arizona to present the awards. It is a big deal and I’m very happy for him but it is a week long trip away from ds who will be 15 months by then. I have never left him even overnight before but dh isn’t really bothered and thinks ds will have a great time with my sister - yes I do trust her to look after him but a week seems like a long time to be away?

OP posts:
Doublemint · 21/03/2018 12:46

I'd go on a normal flight with my child and meet DH there. I would also look up and book a local sitter from a well reviewed agency so we could go out and celebrate in the evenings.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 21/03/2018 12:48

Do it.

My mum and dad left all five of us with various friends and family for three weeks when I was around that age (I was the youngest). The only thing I remember about the whole episode was that the people I was staying with had a better garden swing than we did.

cookiescookiescookies · 21/03/2018 12:49

No chance would I leave my dc for a week at that age. I'd be miserable and stressed out worrying how they were feeling the entire time, so pointless even going! I don't think YABU at all!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/03/2018 12:50

I think you should go. You're lucky that you've got someone you can trust to leave him with, he will be fine.

Go and enjoy the trip!

Trinity66 · 21/03/2018 12:52

Go bloody hell, he'll be grand

PipGirl404 · 21/03/2018 12:52

What is the issue with leaving him for a week? Or even overnight? You sound ludicrous.
He's not going to remember that you went away for a week, and your DH will appreciate the support.

PipGirl404 · 21/03/2018 12:54

Here we go with the "oh I'd worry all week and be stressed and wouldn't stop thinking about them". Perfect parent medal for you, then.

NameChange30 · 21/03/2018 12:54

It’s not “ludicrous” to be reluctant to leave your 15mo for a week Hmm
This is a parenting site FFS. Don’t attack someone for expressing feelings that are perfectly natural for a parent.

PipGirl404 · 21/03/2018 12:56

I'm hardly attacking anyone. In my opinion, as a parent, it's ludicrous to worry about leaving kids with people you trust, if you're lucky enough to have anyone you trust with them in the first place.

Mydoghatesthebath · 21/03/2018 12:57

I would have prayed for someone to have my toddlers for a week. No bugger ever did.

Go op he will be fine.

Brainfogmcfogface · 21/03/2018 13:00

Personally I wouldn’t. I’d be miserable and the guilt would eat me up. I’d miss mine terribly and wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself at all. I know my LO would miss me too after all I’m all she’s ever known (never stayed with anyone else) and she wouldn’t understand why I’d left, where I’d gone or if I’d be back.

FleurDelacoeur · 21/03/2018 13:02

Totally agree Pip - the OP says she trusts her sister completely and as the trip appears to be at some point in the future, she has time to try overnights and longer stays, assuming sister is up for it.

Also agree that with the "Oh i'd be SO worried and miserable" brigade it's all about their feelings and not the child. Child will be 100% fine with auntie being spoiled rotten. Some mothers struggle to cope with the hard fact that their children manage OK without them and don't fall to bits when mummy isn't around.

Anyway OP a private plane to Arizona sounds awesome. If you decide not to go, tell your DH that I'll assume your identity and go in your place.

PipGirl404 · 21/03/2018 13:03

I just don't get where this "guilt" comes from? It's almost like a desperate display of "I'm an amazing parent I love my kids more than the rest of you" type thing.
Reminds me of a couple mums I have on Facebook who don't stop posting about how much they love their kids. Reeks of overcompensation.

cookiescookiescookies · 21/03/2018 13:06

@PipGirl404 you are attacking people. You're entitled to your own opinion, as am I and anyone else on this thread.

Personally I would find it really stressful and couldn't leave them at that age. That's my personal opinion.

Applesandpears23 · 21/03/2018 13:08

I wouldn’t leave my baby. What if she got sick or had an accident whilst I was so far away.

PipGirl404 · 21/03/2018 13:10

Okay... and it's MY personal opinion that YOUR personal opinion is ludicrous.

Not much point in going back and forth here is there?

Whenthereshope · 21/03/2018 13:11

I can't stand the notion that it's OK to do something purely because a child won't remember it!? They won't remember but every single thing you do is shaping them. I once took my 3 year old bowling and my Dad said I was wasting my time as he wouldn't remember it 🙄

PipGirl404 · 21/03/2018 13:11

@Applesandpears23 then you'd do what the rest of us do and make your way home as soon as you could.

PipGirl404 · 21/03/2018 13:13

@Whenthereshope because bowling is a positive experience, people talk like leaving your child for a while is a negative experience & its almost like they're implying its wrong to leave your kid for a week.

Pooshy · 21/03/2018 13:14

He'll be fine and its a good opportunity

We've come skiing for a week with our three year old and left our 5 month old with grandparents, and he's fine

You DS won't even remember it

NameChange30 · 21/03/2018 13:15

Just because one parent feels guilty doesn’t mean they think they’re a better parent than you. It’s about them, not you.

Cornettoninja · 21/03/2018 13:20

Can you say yes with the proviso that you can change your mind if practice overnights don't work out?

Personally I have no one close enough for this to be a worry but I have to say the thought of being so far away bothers me more than the length of time. That's probably irrational though in fairness.

It's the fashion now for people to be sneery about mothers who don't wish to leave their dc for a holiday (and it is at mothers), I get it even though there is literally no one I could leave her with - we don't even have someone to have her for an hour without booking a childminder/nursery for christs sake!

My point is you do what's best for you and yours. You shouldn't be judged for going ^or* staying.

FizzyGreenWater · 21/03/2018 13:24

He's never stayed overnight from you, and it's a full week away?

No, I wouldn't want to do that, certainly not if it's soon - if you have a couple of months to play with, you could start overnights now to get him used to it, but a week... nooo.

15 months I would say is a bad age to do that, too. He'll understand enough to understand you've disappeared off the face of the earth. Pretty traumatic. I would not want to do that to him. I personally don't agree that he'd be '100% fine with auntie being spoiled rotten' - at 15 months no, he wouldn't have much of a concept of being 'spoiled rotten' or 'having fun' as a 4-5 year old would - all he'd really know is that his primary caregiver has gone, bam. And unless he was at least used to sleeping over with auntie, waking up there next day, being bathed, doing bedtimes etc then I would think it would be a potentially pretty bad experience for him. And you're too far to come back.

Perfectly understandable that others would feel entirely differently and I think that's fine. This is a really personal one. It really is just what you're happy with and there is no real right or wrong.

NameChange30 · 21/03/2018 13:27

I totally agree Cornetto. It’s just as unacceptable to judge someone for wanting to stay with their child than it is to judge them for leaving their child.

“the thought of being so far away bothers me more than the length of time. That's probably irrational though in fairness.”
I don’t think it is irrational. In the unlikely event of an emergency, it’s a long flight home. You certainly couldn’t get back to your child quite as quickly if you needed to. Not that it should stop you going if you want to - but it’s not an irrational worry.

Mothers (and women in general) are often accused of being irrational and i don’t like that either.

cadburyegg · 21/03/2018 13:28

YANBU. I wouldn’t even leave 3 year old DS1 for a week. The longest I’ve left him is 4 nights when we were in hospital having DS2 and that was unavoidable. I don’t care if that sounds “ludicrous”, yes it’s nice to have a break for a couple of days but a whole week is different.

Can you compromise and just go for a few days?

Congratulations to your DH