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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You don't *really* like cake

95 replies

SebsCat · 18/03/2018 22:18

I turned 32 today.

Not a card, cake, flowers, present or anything from DH. I have no other family in this country, so I literally received nothing all day.

Dd5 sweetly made me a card.

On top of it all, bastard husband (BH) has form for ignoring my events while still expecting a big fuss over his, so I actually drove the unlicensed wanker to a supermarket yesterday for a tool for his hobby, and reminded him to pick up a cake just so DC would see me celebrate.

BH informs me today that he didn't bother as 'you don't even really like cake (I DO!!!!)

I did my usual routine in the morning then took myself and my kids out to a play area and lunch so we had a nice day. I've ignored the issue altogether as I don't want to give BH the satisfaction of knowing he's upset me.

I know I should LTB but until I can, WIBU to plot revenge? I'm thinking of throwing out every bloody snack he buys/ asks for and then saying 'you don't even really like xx'

OP posts:
LimonViola · 18/03/2018 22:22

YANBU to be upset. I would be livid.

YWBU to plot revenge though. Don't lower yourself. It'll make things worse, think of the atmosphere in the house and the impact on the kids.

Just put your energy into planning your separation, whatever that entails. Making a budget, opening a private account, looking at local rent prices, schools, writing down your thoughts and feelings and the pros and cons of staying or going (somewhere he can't see).

Imagining revenge can be satisfying but I think you'd be letting yourself down to act on it, sorry.

LimonViola · 18/03/2018 22:22

And happy birthday!

BreconBeBuggered · 18/03/2018 22:22

When it's his birthday, buy a gooey creamy cake and smash it in his face.
Happy birthday, what's left of it. Cake

frasier · 18/03/2018 22:25

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Wine Cake Flowers

How long before his birthday?

Send yourself some flowers, chocolates, wine and cake from us.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 18/03/2018 22:26

Plot your revenge by a panning your exit. Seriously. I did it and the look on his face when he walked in the house and realised that it was over was absolutely fucking priceless.

And use his toothbrush to clean your toilet.

Ohyesiam · 18/03/2018 22:28

Happy birthday op.
CakeWineFlowers

You deserve more love than your not dh is giving you.

Do you have a get out plan?

CherryMaDeary · 18/03/2018 22:28

Why do you make a fuss for his events?

How long before you can leave him?

Just stop doing anything for the fucker.

nothanksbyenow · 18/03/2018 22:31

I’m only posting to say DEFINITELY scrub the loo with his toothbrush and plan your stylish exit.
Happy birthday Flowers

Original poster
SebsCat · 18/03/2018 22:33

He is the fucking worst! When I asked him why he didn't just pick up any old cake, his lovely response, one after another, were:

  1. Aren't you too old for birthdays
  2. You already had Mother's Day last week
  3. What did you even do for my birthday (dinner, fave cake, cards, gift, activity with DC)
  4. The aforementioned 'you don't even like cake'

Now that I don't care about him, it's almost comical to watch a grown man froth himself into such a tantrum rather than just get off his arse and buy a cake

OP posts:
Original poster
SebsCat · 18/03/2018 22:34

cherry I once made an insufficient fuss for a birthday, as he was expected to be away for work and I hadn't time to plan, so we just had a cake and dinner out. He pouted and sulked for a week. It's just not worth it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SebsCat · 18/03/2018 22:35

Off to do some cleaning :)

OP posts:
BuzzKillington · 18/03/2018 22:37

Well, this is Mumsnet and lots of people will be along to say they don't understand adults wanting any sort of attention on their birthdays Hmm

But I think your husband sounds like a total shit. We make a huge fuss of birthdays here - it's one bloody day a year.

BettyBaggins · 18/03/2018 22:39

Revenge best served cold, with a dollop of cream Cake

mummyhaschangedhername · 18/03/2018 22:46

Happy Birthday!

GloGirl · 18/03/2018 22:59

Happy Birthday! Hope it's your last one with that prick Cake

captainjackandjill · 18/03/2018 23:05

Happy Birthday SebsCat!!!!! FlowersWine and tons and tons of CakeCakeCakeCakeCakeCake!!!!!!

Make sure you go and pick yourself out a fabulous bday present!!!!!

NutElla5x · 18/03/2018 23:06

What a selfish ignorant twat.The consolation being that your child obviously takes after you and not him.Buy yourself something nice tomorrow and then give him a taste of his own medicine in future and ignore his birthdays. Here have these from me Flowers Cake Happy Birthday x

BelleandBeast · 18/03/2018 23:08

My DP can't get over my birthday and Mother's Day in one month, he has complained for the last ten years.

Happy Birthday!

Fuck the cleaning. Seriously.

JaneEyre70 · 18/03/2018 23:08

Poor kids growing up with such an example of a father.

Deshasafraisy · 18/03/2018 23:10

This man is not your friend. Ltb

Original poster
SebsCat · 18/03/2018 23:12

Thank you all for the wishes and for reassuring me that I'm not too old to care, not about the bloody cake, but about someone just making a bare minimum effort.

I'm very lucky, DC are both sweet and kind, but I am very worried about the poor example for them and I'm building up my courage to LTB.

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 18/03/2018 23:12

Cleaning?? It must be daytime where you are.

Happy birthday glad you made the best of it with dd.

Original poster
SebsCat · 18/03/2018 23:14

At the very least, I'm going to drop it into conversation with PIL that he didn't do a damn thing today. They won't change anything but he can at least get a rant from them.

OP posts:
stopgap · 18/03/2018 23:14

Who are these waste of space men? Without fail my husband arranges a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant, and cards from the children.

You shouldn’t have to put up with feeling like you’re lower than an afterthought.

ittakes2 · 18/03/2018 23:17

Wow that’s mean! You need to treat his next birthday as a non event and see how he feels!! Also I think you need to buy yourself something nice and expensive for your birthday - go on - you deserve it!