You don't *really* like cake

[SebsCat]

I turned 32 today.

Not a card, cake, flowers, present or anything from DH. I have no other family in this country, so I literally received nothing all day.

Dd5 sweetly made me a card.

On top of it all, bastard husband (BH) has form for ignoring my events while still expecting a big fuss over his, so I actually drove the unlicensed wanker to a supermarket yesterday for a tool for his hobby, and reminded him to pick up a cake just so DC would see me celebrate.

BH informs me today that he didn't bother as 'you don't even really like cake (I DO!!!!)

I did my usual routine in the morning then took myself and my kids out to a play area and lunch so we had a nice day. I've ignored the issue altogether as I don't want to give BH the satisfaction of knowing he's upset me.

I know I should LTB but until I can, WIBU to plot revenge? I'm thinking of throwing out every bloody snack he buys/ asks for and then saying 'you don't even really like xx'

Thumb Your MIL sounds v much like my friend. What she says isn't what she is thinking. She always said to me about lack of birthday presents... oh it's not important, is it and oh they don't have to do they...'
I could never agree with her. I always said it's what it stands for. And for her it is lack of thought. Mind you, she has a very victorian marriage, the man is in charge etc and unfortunately the sons have taken this on board, they don't have a high opinion of women I don't think. Also she is very martyrish, I've known her over 50 years and have given up trying to point out what's wrong.

You have nothing to feel guilty for at all, but you can maybe start to approach birthdays and other celebrations in a new way. You can set the tone for you and your DD, you choose what to do and how you want to celebrate. Maybe your DH will change, maybe he won't - but if I was you I wouldn't wait around hoping that he might do something thoughtful as that may never happen. It would be lovely for you to be acknowledged but lovelier still if you can make happy memories for yourself and those who want to participate in special days.

By the way I think you should buy yourself a bloody massive cake and tell DH that it cost £100 .

Twaaaaaaaat.

Happy Birthday OP

Yanbu - apart from the fact that DS will learn how to behave from his parents, YOU deserve to be made a fuss of by him, especially if you have nobody else to make a fuss of you.

DS needs to see that his mom is precious and deserves to be fussed over on her birthday, mother's day, Christmas, in my opinion, and Dad too.

Take a photo of the gaming gear

Take the gaming gear back to the shop and get a refund

Take the photo of the gaming gear to a cake maker

Get cake maker to make a cake that looks exactly like the gaming gear

Eat cake in front of BH

Seriously, leave the bastard (use that toothbrush first tho)

I don't like cake. My birthday is near Christmas. My dh and dd don't use either of those as an excuse not to celebrate or generally do stuff to mark my birthday. I eat brownies- we usually bear it as best we can with multiple brownies and a candle.

You're a trooper gussy, stoic in fact

Perhaps make a belated cake with dd? Even a cornflakes cake with a candle stuck in will be fun.

Roussette - it's a strange attitude they have, isn't it. MIL told me shortly after I got married to DH that I shouldn't nag him - that she'd nagged his father until the day he lost his temper and threw his spaghetti up in the air, so it splattered tomato sauce all over the ceiling, walls, floor etc.
She "cleaned it all up and never nagged him again".
WRONG!
She also never got an engagement ring, just a downpayment on an overlocker sewing machine but apparently she was happy with that.

I don't think she thinks I'm a very good wife as I don't do all the shitwork for DH - tough! I'm not having my 2 boys grow up with this retrograde attitude to wifework and women.

I have a similar story to Rousette.
My friends dh never bothered with her birthdays and now her adult sons never bother with hers.
She called me in tears one day because a few days after her birthday where she got nothing from anyone, her ds had a big bunch of flowers that he was taking to his girlfriends mother for her birthday.
I was so upset on her behalf.

Oh daykay! My stomach dropped just reading that

I haven’t read the thread but I don’t think this is LTB worthy. You definitely need to talk (even therapy) about how unappreciated and disrespected you feel. If a few months of therapy makes no difference THEN think about separating.

Remember, OP.
Remember to do fuck-all for BH's birthday.

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin I don't think she's leaving him for this alone, perhaps the straw that broke the camel's back

Happy Birthday SebsCat!

Your daughter sounds absolutely lovely, it's great to see her fathers behaviour hasn't rubbed off!

I could understand if your birthday just slipped his mind (although a lot of grovelling would be necessary!) but the fact that you actually reminded him whilst in the shops to get you a cake and he didn't leans towards him not getting you anything on purpose. That combined with him being defensive and trying to make excuses for not getting you anything (so clearly not just forgetting) and I would say he is being an unreasonable arsehole, do you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who at best places your wants and needs so far below what is expected in a loving relationship and at worst quite deliberately wants to cause you upset?

If I am trying to judge if I am being unreasonable in an argument with DH I imagine his or my parents watching the argument (all are pretty reasonable, fair people), would I be a bit embarrassed to be seen behaving this way or would they agree with me? Putting myself in someone else's shoes has taught me a lot. I'm fairly certain that your parents would not want this type of relationship for you and his would be ashamed of his behaviour!

Daykay OMG that is awful. How hurtful for your friend.

My friend always sticks up for her DH and sons, but deep down I know she's hurt that they don't bother with her birthday. But I can't talk about it any more with her because I think she's ridiculous with allowing them to treat her like this and she knows what I feel.

Thumb the youngest indulged son of my friend (now mid twenties) thinks women are good for washing up, cooking and not much else. My friend thinks this is funny.
I don't.
No wonder he's never had a girlfriend.
If our friendship is too survive I choose to avoid certain subjects. We've known each other over 50 years and we are definitely not so close now but that's a whole other story

Happy birthday. ID buy him a pack of Imodium and fucking poison his food with it at each meal so he eternally has the shits.

Have a great day with your babies and cook something “he doesn’t really like” and look dumbfounded when he asks for some.