What has happened to hen parties?

[TheRebel]

So the first hen party I went to was about 15 years ago, we got a bus to Blackpool, stayed in a cheap B&B, tea in McDonalds and went out drinking, it probably cost about £60-£70 all in. Since then I’ve been to maybe 5 or 6 and they’ve all been a night out in the local town dressed up in a stupid costume, everyone could go and everyone could afford it.

I’ve just been invited to a hen party that is 2 nights in a cottage in Cornwall, activities throughout the day (surfing lesson) plus lunch out and evening meal followed by entertainment (not specified yet) but the approximate cost is going to be around £300 plus travel and drinks etc.

I know I don’t have to go but it just seems a bit selfish to expect people to spend that kind of money, imagine if you had two or three weddings in one year and you had to go to all these hen parties at that cost.

My maid of honour has organised a day activity of archery and then a meal with a dance for those that want to over one Saturday in our home town. I would hate to expect people to spend £100s on a weekend or more just celebrating what is a special time for me and no one else. It doesn’t have to be that way!

I think it’s just annoyed me more because we’ve just found out that the wedding is no kids, which is fine it’s their day after all, but it’s a plane ride away so means we basically can’t go, because we don’t have anyone to leave DD with for 3 days.

I think if it's going to be a trip away, whoever's organising it should be paying the accommodation at least, so it doesn't bump up the price too much on top of just a night out in town. It all gets too much sometimes.

I'm not weddingy though, I CBA with any of it if I'm brutally honest. (If any of you read the thread about my friend's surprise wedding plans, you'll realise how out of touch I am with the whole process! Haha).

I’ve never been to one and hopefully never will, also didn’t have one when I married exH. But my DM goes to them often and she was complaining about the same thing. In her younger years they’d do what you said and just have a casual night on the town but now she’s older her friends want hen parties abroad and it costs hundreds.

They are just awful. In my experience almost no-one wants to go and everyone thinks they are ridiculous and expensive but by the time their own rolls around either the bridesmaids do the same because it is expected now or the bride thinks well I've had to pay for everyone else's and now it's my turn. I didn't have one. Can't think of something I'd enjoy less.

Never been to a hen party. I used to see them in London (skimpy costumes, hanging out of a cheap to hire by the hour limo) and vowed I never would. But you don't see that type with the youngsters any more really, just the occasional much older group of ladies doing it.

I'd go to a cottage on Cornwall with surfing lessons though!

I know what you mean but it had never actually occurred to me that what you describe is some sort of ‘evolution of he do’s.’ Last year I went on two hens, the first one we went to Scarborough, stayed in a cheap hotel @ £30 per night inc breakfast and unlimited use of the pool for 2 night. We wen round some bars and clubs etc. As a treat we went out to Florios (an amazing Italian, if you ever visit Scarborough you must go) it was cheap and cheerful.

The second hen do was a three night stay in Devon with a hot tub, huge open plan living and dining area, several bedrooms all with en suite. All singing and all dancing basically. We then went to a local pub for dinner which was expensive but absolutely shit (frozen chips, dry ribs yuck!) i love my friend to bits but she’s very showy, everything has to appear nothing less than ‘perfection’ on social media etc.

Hands down I would choose Scarborough again. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

I used to really enjoy going to them, but then I’ve always enjoyed making costumes and going out for a few drinks.

I do think the idea of the cottage is nice but it’s more something I’d want to do with DH and DD, especially for that price. Even if we could get someone to look after DD for 3 days, this, plus the same for DH on the stag plus attending the wedding without buying new outfits would cost us the best part of £1,500!

Every one I have went to has been great. But they have been basically a night out with friends.

We were talking about this today, as well, although In relation to stag do’s, not hens.

When we got engaged, 20+ years ago, Stag and Hen dos were a pub crawl, meal out etc, and generally involved one evening. Now, they last for days... .

It’s the same for 40th birthdays, seems to a big trend on going away somewhere for the weekend (which is fine) but a faff when you have young dc.

I had a really low key hen party which I think was a relief to all invited, we all stayed out drinking and dancing til 5 because there was no expectation to do anything else other than enjoy yourself.

Elf I've not been to Scarborough since I moved away, but I still remember Florios! Is it still in the same place (before the pedestrianised bit of the town centre near the Brunswick)? I heard Red Dragon has closed, which is sad because that was another favourite.

Yeah I agree! If you could afford to have a few nights away for £300 you'd do it with your own family!
Also I don't remember the last time I received a wedding invite that didn't ask for gifts of cash! I didn't do that and I received cash or giftcards from most of the attendees anyway! People know that people just want money, no need to ask for it!
Shame your DC isn't allowed to go to the wedding!

OP why don’t you decline? As you say, you don’t have to go. I don’t think it is “selfish” unless they do actually expect people to go rather than simply inviting them and giving them the option.

Personally I far prefer hens with daytime activities and then I can have a quieter night to ones where it is just a night out and you’re expected to get smashed and stay out till 4. I’m not really into hens at all to be honest.

I do think £300 is a lot for a UK hen do but let your friend have whatever weekend she wants, go if you want to and don’t if you think it’s too pricey, but no need to snark at her.

The Cornwall hen sounds bliss to me. But then all my friends hens have been like that. We’re a tight group who have all been friends for years and are all in similar positions job/relationship/child wise. We have used hens as a chance to have a girly weekend away and properly catch up, something we don’t get to do as often these days. Yes it can be costly but we’re all on the same page expectation wise and it’s not just for the bride it’s for all our benefit to have a nice time

On the flip side though if it’s someone you don’t know as well or money’s an issue no one should ever be pressured. We’ve normally had our hen weekend then had cheap drinks locally for work mates etc

@McTufty I probably am going to decline to be honest, but not because I want to, I enjoy going on hen nights and I love going to weddings and it’s difficult when it’s close friends.

I personally feel it’s selfish because it puts friends in a position where it’s difficult to say no, and people end up spending money they don’t have.

I had a small, but really fun, gathering of girlfriends at my house where we drank wine and got a bit giggly. My husband to be was returned home by the stags from a shortish pub crawl, with twigs and leaves in his hair because he had fallen into a hedge. There were some quite OTT stag dos at the time ( 90s) amongst our friendship group - mostly involving 'kidnapping ' the groom and leaving him to get home from somewhere awkward without his clothes 🙄 but the hen dos were all much more restrained, going to a cocktail bar maybe or a meal. Going to a spa day was also a popular one.

My daughter is getting married this year and is planning an afternoon tea with fizz for her hens 'because cake, all the cake ' She has invited me but I think it should just be her contemporaries? Maybe I will, because - cake.

OP do you not think there’s an element of being selfish in saying your friend should not have a hen do that she wants so that you aren’t put in the position of having to say you’re not going?

@McTufty I think she could have a fantastic hen do where we live (Cotswolds) that wouldn’t mean asking her friends to part with a large amount of cash. Obviously she can have her hen do wherever she wants but personally I wouldn’t like to put my friends in that position.

I get that, but that obviously isn’t what she wants. So if she has it in the Cotswolds she will feel like she is missing out (I assume, or she would be having it there). Personally I wouldn’t want a friend not to have the hen they wanted for my sake.

To me, it comes down to if she is understanding if people decline on the grounds of cost. If she isn’t, then yes it is selfish, but if she is, then I don’t think it is too much to expect her friends to go or not go without bitching about it.

I know, they seem to cost ££££ nowadays, with spa weekends at a posh hotel, weekend of expensive activities and food, or weeks abroad. Thankfully, I haven't been to a hen night in 8 years, and tgat was very normal, a dinner in Ask, followed by clubbing locally. Thankfully, I seem to have avoided these expensive hen dos (my friends are either married already, or single).

If I am asked to go to an expensive hen weekend, it will be a resounding no, sorry I am skint (which I am).

That’s kind of my point though, a cheap night out where everyone who wanted to go could afford to used to be the norm, but now people feel “entitled” to an expensive weekend away and that they’ll be missing out if their friends don’t pay up to go along too, because it wouldn’t be a hen if your friends can’t go.
If it was what we normally did then that would be ok but the most extravagant thing we’ve ever done was a meal out in a local restaurant.

I’ve been invited to two ridiculously expensive ones this summer. I hate organised fun and if I’m going to spend ££££ on going away, I want it to be with my family.
Probably going to decline but worried about what maidzillas will say!

I wouldn't necessarily assume that any of it is the bride's choice. Hen dos are quite often organised by the bridesmaids and the plans kept secret from the bride until the day.