What has happened to hen parties?

[TheRebel]

So the first hen party I went to was about 15 years ago, we got a bus to Blackpool, stayed in a cheap B&B, tea in McDonalds and went out drinking, it probably cost about £60-£70 all in. Since then I’ve been to maybe 5 or 6 and they’ve all been a night out in the local town dressed up in a stupid costume, everyone could go and everyone could afford it.

I’ve just been invited to a hen party that is 2 nights in a cottage in Cornwall, activities throughout the day (surfing lesson) plus lunch out and evening meal followed by entertainment (not specified yet) but the approximate cost is going to be around £300 plus travel and drinks etc.

I know I don’t have to go but it just seems a bit selfish to expect people to spend that kind of money, imagine if you had two or three weddings in one year and you had to go to all these hen parties at that cost.

I've been married more than a decade and remember people complaining about expensive £300 hen nights when I was planning my wedding. In fact I purposely organised something cheap because I had had to decline a few others due to lack of cash. It's not a new thing!

I go to ones that aren’t more than I bring home each week. I will be having my own soon and it’s just a simple night out. I’m not young anymore I’m hanging after a few hours

I'm still reeling at Archery and Surfing

FFS beam me up Scotty

I've never been to a hen party and honestly couldn't pay me to go to one. Let alone anyone expect me to pay £300 to do a bunch of stuff I don't wanna do. 🤣

They’ve gone way OTT and just silly.

So glad all my friends got married back when the hen’s night was literally one night.

Perfectly reasonable not to attend. A friend of mine has their pre-wedding party abroad and the wedding also abroad. I didn’t go to any of it.

Crikey. Driving from the Cotswolds to Cornwall for a hen do. That’s a bloody long way. It would have been far cheaper and nicer to rent a place locally surely? Does the £300 include meals?

Does the £300 include meals? It includes 1 meal!

It seems like you have to have an ‘activity’ nowadays, which just adds to the cost.

I have a not going to hen dos policy. It's very liberating.

OP is entirely correct, hens have spiralled out of control.

peapod yes that’s the one! I think there’s a Florios in Malton too but I’ve never been to that one and I don’t really get up that way particularly often. My brother works in malton andsays there’s always a queue outside the door so must be just as good!

Oh no! Was Red Dragon the one where you could have unlimited courses but if you left any you had to pay full whack? I can’t beliee that’s closed, always seemed very popular so I’m surprised about that.

I don’t go to them really as I can’t justify the cost when there are so many other things we need to pay for. I didn’t have a hen night either, so don’t feel too bad about not going to other people’s. I am teetotal too which seems to cause friction when I have gone in the past too

It's ridiculous to expect your guests to fork out £300 on a hen do (presumably the same sort of cost for the stag do too) and travel for your wedding (plane trip, overnight accommodation etc) as well as wedding gift.

You could end up spending well over £1000 to attend a friend's wedding it is just so arrogant and self-centred.

I did an afternoon activity and then a meal and night out.

But other people I know have been having 4 days in Ibiza/Marbella etc. Apparently that's the 'done thing' for some women. Another friend was saying city breaks are the norm in their circle.

No point really focusing on the wrongs and rights of this kind of do - as there is no final answer IMO. This is normal for my friendship group and our area/age group but clearly not for others.

Shes perfectly in her right to have the weekend she wants. Your perfectly in yours to accept or decline as you see fit. It comes down to:

A. Can you afford it?
B. Do you actually want to go?

That’s the only two questions you need to ask. If the answer is no to either then politely decline.

If you can afford it think about question 2 in isolation, let go of thinking it’s selfish, will you have fun with this group? If yes go, life’s short, have fun! Don’t think about the righteousness of it just think about it as a full weekend catching up with your friends and have a lovely time.

If you do decide to go please go in good spirits as if you begrudge it deep down others will pick up on it and it’ll take the shine off the weekend.

The normalisation of weddings abroad that guests are actually expected to go to, as opposed to the ones where just the bride and groom go, is also a problem. Can't believe the couple are saying 'no kids' for an overseas wedding.

I took my hens to M&S to look for the bridal knickers. ‘‘twas a good value activity!

My "hen night" was just me and my best mate from home having a meal and a couple of drinks. Home by 10pm !

Someone I know just had their hen party in a hotel penthouse with catering etc. Her hens all colour coordinated their outfits and all of them had their hair and makeup professionally done. Then of course they made sure to plaster it all over social media in various poses in the hotel. It didn't even look fun, it just looked staged and ridiculous.

I don’t get all this angst
Go if you want, don’t go if you don’t want
Personally I love them and I’d go every time

Hen dos "evolved" when it happened the couple getting married are older, and/or don't consider going out drinking/clubbing in shit fancy dress and showing off in tacky limos to be something they'd consider to be a good way to socialise.

I got married 10 years ago and most of my friends were married around then/few years earlier, those who had the night out in town wearing L plates/fancy dress were in the minority, spa weekends or hiring a house/cottage for the weekend was much more common. But back then, none had dc and most had professional jobs so it was affordable for the group.

Are you unusual in that you are one of the few who are unlikely to be able to easily afford it/has dcs?

Would you expect that bride to want to do a big night out in Blackpool etc or is she more "spending my free time and money on cost cottages" type?

Another thought re child free wedding - that doesn't mean you can't go, particularly if the wedding is in a hotel. You all go then hire a babysitter /nanny to look after dc while you are at the ceremony/ meal. If you know other guests have dc, you could contact them to sort out sharing the cost.

My friend is having a long weekend abroad for hers, I’ve had to decline because I’ll have a newborn. My hen do was a night out in a city where we all got very drunk and stayed in a travel lodge so I prefer the traditional kind

1. It’s not a new thing. I went to Majorca on a hen do 12 years ago and that was not a new thing then!
2. Not everyone would be willing to stay in a £30 B&B in Blackpool. The thought makes my skin crawl. People are different.
3. Pretty much anyone who has moved away from their home town (for uni, work or other reasons) has friends scattered around the country. A cheap meal and night out round town will simply not be practical for those people as they will always have travel and accommodation expenses.

Tbh op it’s quite normal for kids not to be invited to weddings if anything I would assume that it was family dc only unless the invited stated my dc names.