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AIBU?

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Original poster

To anyone wanting to leave and being told "and you will be entitled to child support"

108 replies

Njordsgrrrl · 17/03/2018 23:03

Get this letter.

You will have noticed (I did two weeks ago) that your payment of £7 ( a fortnight) has not been received by us.

This is what will happen now.

You will not receive this payment.

I'm going to adopt this approach to all my financial dealings.

"Dear British Gas, you will have noticed no payment has come in.

What will happen now?

You will not receive this payment.

It's a good enough excuse for the CSA who have collected about £90 in eighteen years.

Doing it.

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 19/03/2018 07:41

(By “their” school trips I mean DSC. because their mum “can’t” work more or she would “lose her benefits” Hmm )

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/03/2018 07:55

Never sorry do you think that she should work more because her ex's new GF does?? Do you expect everyone to centre their decision around you? It's absolutely none of your business how much she works or the benefits she gets, and it has no bearing on what your DP pays to his children. Indeed if she doesn't make any more money working full time then why on earth should/would she? I wouldn't.

I do LOL at some people thinking that benefits brings in ££££ and all these 'scuzzy' people are rolling round in Audi's courtesy of universal credits 🙄

I'm not sure why you would fund their School trips when you're so bitter about it? But your DP should be anyway.

And when you use the word 'scuzzy' it really doesn't take me to paint you as the bad guy

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/03/2018 07:55

I'd still love to know how 'the system' and your DP is 'funding her lifestyle'. If her lifestyle is raising her children then too right that should be funded

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/03/2018 08:00

I’m not bitter about paying for their school trips. I just think her choices put her in the same category as the NRP who chooses to work less / get cash in hand so they pay less. Morally equivalent behaviour. Neither is ok.

Beetlejizz · 19/03/2018 08:01

Possibly seen as playing devils advocate, but how do you get money from someone who (ostensibly) isn't working? Has no (visible) income? Maybe on welfare themselves?

NewYear you say that like you don't know that we do take contributions at source from people's income based benefits sometimes? For child maintenance, but also for other things. I've had clients in the past who had water arrears and the companies had got the courts to agree to deductions at source. It's most definitely a thing.

And for those living off other sources of income, there's nothing to actually stop us from investigating more thoroughly- it's just a question of priorities. Hell, we could in theory pass laws saying anyone who financially supports a person becomes liable for their CSA debts. And give it teeth and use resources to investigate. These things are all doable, we just don't do them.

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/03/2018 08:01

My “lifestyle” is raising my children too. And our jobs are the same pay grade (public sector). I just don’t expect other people/ the state to pay for my choice, so I work when the children are at school.

Lizzie48 · 19/03/2018 08:23

I think the issue here is that the OP's ex has got away with paying only £90 in 18 years. Children are surely supposed to be financially dependent on their fathers as well as their mothers? It's not about a woman being reliant on her ex, it's about the child. So it's not 'spongeing'.

The OP didn't make a 'lifestyle choice' to have a DC with SEN, did she??

BitchQueen90 · 19/03/2018 09:19

yellow must be nice in your world where everyone has a magical crystal ball so they know exactly what's going to happen in the future and so can of course make plans accordingly.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/03/2018 10:23

I don’t think it’s nice in yellows world, if she’s the poster I think she is she spent enough time bleating in the press about having to pay her ex husband financial support when they broke up then moaning on here about him being a total deadbeat who couldn’t even be arsed to visit their kids.

So if you subscribed to the same thought process as her and held the same opinions you would think she made pretty piss poor decisions in her choices for her own kids, having previously had an island doesn’t protect you as much as you think from your own scorn

Shedmicehugh1 · 19/03/2018 10:32

I thought CSA could make parent pay?

If on benefits, take it directly from benefits.
If employed, take it directly from employer.
If self employed, take it directly from bank account.

frankchickens · 19/03/2018 10:38

IT IS THEIR JOB FFS

systems set up for men by men.
I (a man) wrote to the (woman) minister who was responsible at the time complaining that the CSA/CMS had been spectacularly wank at getting any money for my sister. I received a pathetic response - this isn't just useless men, although the source of it is a lot of deadbeat dads.

bigKiteFlying · 19/03/2018 10:46

There are countries in Europe where government pays the child maintenance and then retrieves that payment from the man ( usually a man ) every month. Any payments not made are totalled up and can be claimed against person's assets, inheritance, future earnings and pensions at any given time. Because that debt is in fact a debt to the government

I've always wondered why we didn't do something like this - seems so obvious even more so if other countries have working systems like this.

I'm happily married so it's not a direct issue but I know so many children financially abandoned by their fathers it's ridiculous or fathers pay such low amounts it clearly not putting a roof over their child’s head or food in them.

TempusFugitive · 19/03/2018 10:51

yellowmakesmesmile unbelievable, blaming mothers for their children's father not taking any responsibility! You can't deny a father his rights but it's a mother's fault if a father won't step up. She should have known. Did. you. ever.

tillytrotter1 · 19/03/2018 11:00

Why is everyone attacking yellow, she is speaking some sense, it is the NRP fault for not paying.

Thought that I was the only one who agreed with her, not 'on message' apparently.

PrettyLittIeThing · 19/03/2018 11:17

*I thought CSA could make parent pay?

If on benefits, take it directly from benefits.
If employed, take it directly from employer.
If self employed, take it directly from bank account.*

Nope I've never heard of CSA taking money straight from anyone's bank acc.

Mamabear14 · 19/03/2018 11:32

When I last spoke to them they told me they did hold powers to take directly from a bank account. But it was a last resort under a liability order they can't get if he job hops. Mine stays in a job long enough to be found and get the ball rolling for an attachment to his wages. Then leaves and starts again. Massive loophole that even they said is widely abused and they have no powers to enforce.

GlueSticks · 19/03/2018 12:45

I don't understand how CM isn't just like any other debt - if follows you forever until you pay it off. It might not help with those working illegally, but surely it is possible with the job hoppers to check their tax records and figure how much they should have paid? Then the government gives that amount to the RP and pursues the NRP as they would with an outstanding tax bill (up to and including jail if necessary).

frankchickens · 19/03/2018 13:03

I thought CSA could make parent pay?

In theory yes.

In reality - no.

PrettyLittIeThing · 19/03/2018 13:11

Cash in hand, being a uni student, living off a new partner. All ways people avoid paying. Cms actually told me not to bother putting in a claim as it will be classed as nil assesment and the claim would be closed, (ex gets cash in hand.)

Fluffyears · 19/03/2018 13:22

I agree it should be taken via HMRC. If they can take a part of my wages for my student loan then they can certainly take child support.

My friend had to eventually get an arrestment of wages to actually get her ex to pay. Even when he had 2 promotions she didn’t get any extra even though his wages would increase. It should be done as a %taken off wages and then paid to the mother.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 19/03/2018 18:32

I don’t think it’s nice in yellows world, if she’s the poster I think she is she spent enough time bleating in the press about having to pay her ex husband financial support when they broke up then moaning on here about him being a total deadbeat who couldn’t even be arsed to visit their kids

No sorry, not divorced, never been in the press and my chidren live with both parents but feel free to make up facts to suit your agenda Hmm

YellowMakesMeSmile · 19/03/2018 18:35

I think making it an enforceable debt re non payment of child support would be a huge step forward, for NRP it would be the non payment of chid support in line with the set percentage and for the PWC and benefits such at CTC, WTC should have to be repayable excluding the childcare element. That way, regardless of sex, both have to step up and if they don't there are penalties. It would have the knock on effect of making people think twice and ensuring they can afford a child both now and in the future before proceeding. Some give more thought to their take away order than they do getting pregnant.

RedForFilth · 19/03/2018 18:43

We all choose who to have as the father of our children and know the risks if reliant on them financially not all of us, I was raped by my ex repeatedly over the course of two years. I told birth control but it failed. I couldn't force him to wear a condom when he was forcing himself on me.

Graphista · 19/03/2018 18:56

And in the future? Yea I could have predicted being in a car accident leaving me disabled Hmm