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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain to the school about this

118 replies

CradleCrapNap · 17/03/2018 19:20

My DD who is in reception has come home twice now and said she was given a sticker for eating all of her lunch. AIBU to complain to the school and point out they are encouraging a piss poor attitude towards food and not going to help the obesity crisis by doing this? Surely eating everything in sight should not be encouraged or rewarded? We teach our kids that you eat when hungry and stop when you are full. This teaches them to carry on regardless in pursuit of praise/reward. It’s really bugging me but AIBU and reading too much into it? They’ve also advertised for lunchtime assistants who should ‘encourage children to eat’. By all means point out when they only have 5 mins left etc as I know they all dawdle but has any child ever become under nourished by failing to nag them to have ‘one more bite’ or does it just make mealtimes a battleground?

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 17/03/2018 22:14

YABU

  1. A lot of people moan their kid doesn't eat enough and that the school should do something,regardless if they're packed lunch or school dinners,
  2. I don't know about your school but where I work and where DD goes the portions are sensible .
  3. In the more deprived areas, the school meal will be the only warm food those kids get,or worse the only meal they get. We had desperate parents ring in and ask if x could have a sandwich or something as they had no food in.
  4. The reward might've been introduced for specific kids and a parent complained or the kids went up in arms "but miiiiiss it's not faiiir".
  5. You are contradicting yourself. On one hand you say stickers don't work for your kid but somehow she got 2 and you're upset about it. You also say this will make her eat less , but think a full plate is too much anyways. So what's the problem?
MummyMuppet2x2 · 17/03/2018 22:19

YABU and v picky.

Audree · 17/03/2018 22:27

I would not complain, just mention it to the teacher.
I had a similar situation when my ds was little; the teacher would put a movie on while kids were eating to keep them quiet. I mentioned to the teacher that’s not a good idea to teach them to eat in front of screens... the teacher agreed (she was young with no kids of her own).

Barbie222 · 17/03/2018 22:29

Can't win here but I'd say I get more complaints saying we need to be more encouraging about food rather than less.

These kinds of concerns do go away as your children get a bit older and remain absolutely fine

myusernameisnotmyusername · 17/03/2018 22:41

Sorry but yabu. My dd comes Home with a sticker and I tell her well done. At tea time though I'm a bit more relaxed as we probably give bigger portions and it's later but needs to have a decent lunch.

Original poster
CradleCrapNap · 18/03/2018 06:50

The problem Rebel is that stickers as a reward for clearing your plate are encouraging kids to carry on eating when they are full. A very unhealthy attitude to start in kids. The same day, as using food as a reward. Our attitudes towards food, comfort eating, stress eating, etc, needs addressing.
I’m not contradicting myself. Stickers as an incentive to do something don’t work for my child. Does she still get given stickers, yes. She has two. Two. It’s March.
People who moan their kids don’t eat enough, are their kids genuinely underweight or undernourished? Or are their kids fine and it’s all the parents problem? Believing they should eat more than they should?

OP posts:
AlexanderHamilton · 18/03/2018 07:37

My Son was underweight & under nourished. But I still don’t agree with rewarding a child for clearing their plate.

Follyfoot · 18/03/2018 07:49

My generation were forced to clear our plates every day at school (and home for that matter). Levels of obesity were tiny compared to now. I'm really confused about the research showing there is a link.

SweetMoon · 18/03/2018 07:50

YABU. They are not being forced to eat it, it's just an encouragement.

rewarding a small child for eating their small school dinner isn't causing the obeisity crisis. That is being caused by the parents who pick their kids up after school and immediately hand them crisps and biscuits because they are 'always starving' when they collect them. Because they didn't eat all their school dinner.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 18/03/2018 07:51

DS1 is still underweight and undernourished at 27. Because of his illness he'll never clear his plate unless you put tiny amounts on there. They didn't give stickers at his school. They did introduce healthy eating trays, they had red, green and blue, red had a clown on it and was "healthy", I had to drill into him not to choose the red tray because it was low fat and he'd starve.

AlexanderHamilton · 18/03/2018 07:52

It might not be causing obesity. But it’s certainly contributing to eating disorders.

Cousinit · 18/03/2018 07:52

YABU. I have a picky eater and another child who's easily distracted. I would love school to encourage them to eat their lunch up.

Follyfoot · 18/03/2018 07:56

But surely the same applies to eating disorders? Again, these have rocketed since the days of having to clear your plate decreased. Eating disorders are much more complex than being told to finish your school dinner.

AlexanderHamilton · 18/03/2018 08:00

When food is used for guilt or reward it can lead to eating disorders. I have family experience of this of someone who was made to feel guilty for not clearing their plate.

TuftedLadyGrotto · 18/03/2018 08:08

@Follyfoot this is based on actual research. My mum (60s) was taught to clear her plate. It has caused her issues around eating.

lovebipolar · 18/03/2018 08:13

YANBU

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 18/03/2018 08:26

I've just asked DS2, school dinners are still slightly too big for him at 6. They've been too small for DD since she was 9. Luckily, because years 5 and 6 go in last, they can have seconds.

thegreylady · 18/03/2018 08:28

If you complain the school may stop giving stickers to your child. She will feel great when her classmates are given stickers and she isn’t.

AlexanderHamilton · 18/03/2018 08:28

During the big clear your plate era (Ww2 for example & their children) there was far less food available & people walked/excercised more.

Look at the size of that generation now that they have access to more food but still have the guilt issues about leaving food.

GlittercheeksOakleaf · 18/03/2018 08:29

We don't use stickers or any other form of reward for eating at my school but there are quite a few children who refuse to eat more than one or two tiny bits of a full meal then rush up to the bin as soon as they see their friends going out to play who really could do with something to encourage them to eat a bit more - there's one child who gets a plain jacket potato every day, eats a forkful, declares she is done and then spends the rest of lunch complaining of tummy ache unless someone encourages her to eat more. She refuses to try anything different even though we have two choices each day as well as the jacket and pasta bar. If she were my child, I'd be sending a packed lunch regardless of Infant UFSM.

The amount of food that gets binned some days is shocking - depends on what's for lunch really but some days its the same children getting the same meal they got the week before and binned and just not eating it or rushing out because their friends have finished so they bin whatever's left on their plate.

I'm not sure that clean plate stickers are a good idea but I imagine many primary schools are like ours with plenty of children who need some sort of encouragement to eat more.

chickenowner · 18/03/2018 08:29

Wow.

Schools really can't win can they.

AlexanderHamilton · 18/03/2018 08:32

WOuld a better solution be to have longer lunchtimes like we used to have & no one allowed to leave to go out to play until a reasonable amount of time has passed.

I used to do that with my children. They were never forced to eat up but they had to stay at the table for a bit.

PinkAvocado · 18/03/2018 08:32

Chickenowner-can’t win what? No they can’t just do what they want if that’s what you mean.

Original poster
CradleCrapNap · 18/03/2018 08:40

symmetricalbuttocks I sympathise and think children like your son are the definite exception and should be given higher calorie food and encouragement. A child I know has respiratory disease and is very close to needing a tube to be fed as she is so underweight. Her little body burns calories just by the excess work of breathing, faster than she can take them in.
Also agree to a certain extent with sweetmoon that parents can also be a bigger part of the problem but I think it’s the whole picture we need to look at, including the schools. One mum in reception was whinging because she felt the snack provided by school wasn’t enough for her DS and that he eats more than an adult. He is 5. He ahouldn’t Be eating more than an adult.
Perhaps we need to get the school to bring in a paediatric dietitian to speak to parents and staff about appropriate portions and diet.

OP posts:
NiceHotBath · 18/03/2018 08:41

YANBU

But you won't win this debate with school as they're under such pressure from all the parents who worry that their (perfectly normal weight children) will be adversely affected by learning through experience that if you don't eat your lunch, you'll be hungry.

There will be a few parents with children with particular medical issues, but ime the sticker thing is largely about relieving other parents' anxieties around food (and that often includes the lunchtime assistants, who really believe it's the right thing to do). I think these anxieties are unnecessary and wish the result wasn't imposed on my kids, but I've just given up as it's so very widespread.

I still get told what they've eaten at play dates and people just don't believe that I don't care at all if it was a lot or nothing or anywhere in between!